“I’m always early,” he apologized.
Now, I have a lot of questions for the Other Side when I get there and one of them is to better understand how heaven works with the earthly clock and calendar. So, I let Dale stand there while I made phone calls and answered emails.
“You know, I think she’s mad at me,” Dale muttered. “I should’ve done better while I could.”
He continued his dialogue to nobody in particular, sharing his regrets.
The hour went by quickly when I heard my door gently open. I looked over at Dale and he glowed like his daughter had just been born.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he gushed. “That’s my girl!”
Elaine sat down and twisted a tissue in her hands nervously.
“Elaine, I have to say your dad is very prompt. He was here over an hour ago and all he’s been doing is sharing his regrets but also gushing about his love for you.”
The blood drained from Elaine’s face, and I couldn’t tell if she was curious, angry, or sad.
“It can’t be my dad. My dad wasn’t loving at all, and he never shared any pride for any of us, especially me.”
I looked over at Dale, confused. His head had bowed in shame to confirm what Elaine said was true.
“I didn’t know how to be a kind person. I let alcohol be my medicine and the mental wounds from Vietnam be my guide. I was on borrowed time. I’m ashamed of the human I was, but that wasn’t me. This is me. Maybe it is too late for her to get to know me, but I hope you can tell her who I really am. I’m not playing victim, though, I promise.”
When we cross over, we don’t have the physical issues we endured, nor do we have the mental issues. Our personalities don’t change when we cross, but if the personality issue is from a mental issue, then that isn’t true personality. Elaine never knew who Dale was. Dale never knew who Dale was. But he got a soul scrub when he crossed over. He made mistakes, but he wasn’t a bad person.
“I’m going to have to think about that, Kristy,” Elaine said after I explained it. “I guess the million-dollar question is how do I heal the past?”
“We can get stuck in the rut of the past, just like your dad did, or we can neutralize the story that you tell yourself about him and move forward by putting your attention on the right now,” I shared as compassionately as I could. I knew it was “easier said than done”, and it was far from easy.
Healing means letting go so the thoughts and the hurt from before don’t continue to hurt you. Dwelling on past hurts continues to spill oil all over the emotional freeway and is continuing to cause accidents where you start all over with continued emotional damage. A therapist can help. A minister. A trusted friend. A life coach. And me.
A year later Elaine contacted me to tell me she started talking more to her dad on the Other Side. And slowly she began to realize she was telling all the bad stories and had forgotten there were good stories too. It was healing moments for her.
Today we are graced with a beautiful New Moon that helps to heal past wounds and think realistically. True healing comes when you get serious about letting go of the story from before and welcoming your own emotional reactions. Be fully open and present to your own in-the-moment experience. This is where you’ll discover peace. Because we are all on borrowed time.
If you are in a crisis, please call 911, go to your local hospital, or call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
On a PERSONAL NOTE – My dad came home from the hospital on Wednesday evening. He’s just not doing so great, but he’s trying, and home is the best place for him to recover right now. Thank you for the love, understanding, prayers, and the cards for him.