Years ago a dear friend shared with me that she was in a place in her faith walk where she desired physical nearness to God. I remember thinking it was such a profound statement and I honestly don’t think I really understood the fullness of it at that point. Some months later, she excitedly shared that she felt her desire was satisfied. She had just started dating someone and explained that it was in his presence, in his touch that she had felt closer to God than she ever had.
Today, I understand that longing.
I woke up at 3 this morning, my mind racing, spirit churning. For days I’ve been turning a conversation my grandmother and I on relationships over in my head. She gently gave me her quarterly reminder that I’m not getting any younger and shared that she wants me to find someone who loves and appreciates me in the way I deserve.And that’s been bothering me. It’s made me face my feelings on loneliness which, quite frankly, I’m good at dodging.
I can’t say that I’m without people…that’s far from being the case. I have wonderful friends I do life with and they are a joy to journey with. I also have a family that loves me and is super supportive of me. I even have a job that I like and have the freedom to explore whatever strikes my fancy at a given moment.
Even so, right now that loneliness still exists. And it probably will in some form until the person who will exude the divine presence I desire comes alongside me.