I admit it; I’m a complete and total Church nerd and also a lover of family life, traditions, and celebrations. Even moreso, I’m a sucker for ancient Church liturgies, hymns, and traditions, and particularly Eastern rites. I even attended a year of Catholic lay seminary. Appreciation for all religious traditions who are striving for love, justice, mercy, and equality is also part of my spiritual life. I do not appreciate religion when it causes harm and excludes people which religion can tend to do more often than I would wish. In family life, I love gatherings and celebrations of various family milestones and related traditions. The rhythm of love and beautiful spirituality soothes my struggling soul as I navigate Parkinson’s Disease, a heart condition, and my own professional practice which serves the disability community. Combining this all-together while also being the LGBTQ+ fully-affirming mother my young adult children and the LGBTQ+ community deserve is who I strive to be. I guarantee you a parent like me and other parents like me have worked through this more theologically than just about any lay person and just about any minister or priest. This whole issue boils down to sanctity of life and human dignity issue, not a sexual ethics issue. Every major medical association in the world has come to an affirming consensus on this because anything but full acceptance places lives in danger. I stepped away from my faith about 1.5 years ago, and it nearly destroyed my mind, body, and soul. Now I understand what LGBTQ+ people experience when the Church and religion do not fully-include and honor their humanity.
I told my children that nothing compares to the love I have for them, my growing love for the LGBTQ+ community, and all of humanity. Learning how to better-support the LGBTQ+ community has taught me how to love all of humanity more. If I had to choose between my religion, my beloved traditions, and spiritualty versus fully-loving and embracing my children and the LGBTQ+ community, I would choose my children and the LGBTQ+ community hand-over-fist, but maybe there is a way to integrate it all without betraying my children and the LGBTQ+ community. Since one fully-affirming and accepting parent for gay and lesbian children drops the suicide rate by 40%, and one fully-affirming and accepting parent of a transgender child drops the suicide rate by 75%, love and full acceptance give life. Since I have both types of young adult children, my full support and acceptance are critical. This love expands to all LGBTQ+ people. Throughout my upcoming articles, I will share some of the steps I am taking to reconcile all of this.
About five years ago, I encountered an openly-gay Eastern Orthodox priest named Father Matthew Christopher and his husband named Father Uriel Patrick-Joan. For those of you who know anything about Eastern Orthodoxy, Eastern Rite Catholicism, or major Eastern religions of any kind, an openly-gay married Eastern Orthodox clergy couple is almost unheard of. Eastern culture and religion at their essence are patriarchal and binary. On the other hand, Eastern spirituality, culture, and family traditions are deeply-rich in beauty and can be soul-soothing for many. These experiences can be very true in all major Eastern religions and practices. If you are not aware of how many LGBTQ+ people practice various religious traditions, here is a pie chart which shows the breakdown from UCLA. LGBTQ+ people exist in every corner of society, religion, the workforce, and most places. They must be fully-accepted for who they are, fully-integrated into society, and have their humanity honored. Otherwise, we are imposing harm and even death wishes on them. Simply, it’s called being a decent human being and loving our neighbor as ourselves.
I want to share a conversation I had with Father Matthew Christopher about my dilemma which is edited somewhat. I quoted what I actually said and added what I would have wanted to remember but didn’t, “Good Evening, Father Christopher. I hope you and your husband are doing well. I am sorry we haven’t talked in a while. I am in a real awkward place spiritually right now. After more than one of our children came out lesbian and then transgender over the last five years, my husband and I regularly attend and serve in an affirming Methodist interfaith group where we have deeply-needed community, but spiritually, I have really struggled because I am spiritually Catholic and particularly an Eastern rite LGBTQ+ affirming Catholic mom.” I forgot to tell him that I am not struggling that my children are LGBTQ+ because I believe this is the way God made them, and science shows that their gender and sexuality started forming in the womb when I carried them. “If you have any suggestions, this would be great.” I would have added, my husband and I serve in LGBTQ+ parent Methodist ministry where we do talk about our family, and we also started attending a Melkite Eastern Catholic Church where we don’t talk much about anything. “Spiritually, I yearn for deep ancient beautiful spirituality, the liturgies, and ancient hymns while fully-affirming and supporting our LGBTQ+ children and the greater LGBTQ+ community.”
Father Christopher replied exactly with, “I want you to know, first, that I recognize this path you’re walking. In different ways, I have known the tension you’re describing, that deep pull toward the beauty, reverence, and theological richness of the Eastern tradition, alongside a conscience and lived love that refuses to exclude or deny the dignity of your children. That is not a small burden to carry. It can feel like living between worlds, never quite able to rest fully in either. The fact that you and your husband continue to love, to serve, and to stand with your children while remaining committed to your spiritual life speaks volumes. Even when the institutional Church struggles to make space, the Gospel is still alive in that kind of fidelity. You’re right that what you’re looking for is very rare. I wish I could point you to a clearly established, affirming Eastern parish where you could be fully known without fear—but at present, those spaces are few to nonexistent in any consistent or visible way.”
Father Christopher also made some spiritual recommendations towards rare and small traditional LGBTQ+ inclusive and yet traditional online spaces which are still rare, especially in the Eastern Rite tradition.
Maybe some parents with deep spiritual roots can relate to what I am trying to convey. This is my spiritual and parenting journey which I will discuss more with time.
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