“My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night,
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!”
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I have always loved the cautionary poem by Edna St. VIncent Millay, about the light, and towards living in this moment. It is a celebration of the victory of that Jazz Age moment… and what a moment, full of glitter and gold. It was also prelude to a war torn world and an economic collapse, because the ‘lovely light” was not sustainable.
How often do we find ourselves living lives that are not sustainable? Like moths to flames, we find ourselves drawn into beautiful and luminous enchantments, that feed us but so quickly entangle us in a spider’s web. In Tantra we call that web dukkha or suffering and maya or illusion. Both lead us into dis-ease, and further away from the light of the true teacher the self.
My good friend and fellow tarot reader, Courtney Weber of CocoWitch fame, recently did a spread for me and said, “so the first three cards, these soul cards, “burning, on fire, burned down.” Whatever you are doing, just stop right now!” As a reader, I know what that means to much energy is spiraling out of me and I am running on empty. We only have the capacity to hold so much before the vessel cracks or the house burns down.
Sometimes in order to know the true teacher, we need to turn back in to turn back out. I wonder, how many of us are in need of turning back in just a little bit? Not depressed, or sad, we are living full and meaningful lives, but we’ve lost connection. The plate is too full; the candle is burning at both ends. Maybe we are not making the space where we need to, for healthful things, and our alignment is off? This happens in every facet of life, including spiritual practice and community.
In such times, and for me in this particular moment of my life, the only thing I know how to do is a hard reset and return to basics. For me, that is my yoga mat and lighting a candle every day and taking 5 intentional breaths. Beginning again with the practice of giving myself permission to make space for the self.
It is with that, that Alone In Her Presence will be on hiatus. This doesn’t mean that I won’t write ever again, because trust me, I will! It simply means the publication might be more quarterly. For practices and rituals, I have a small book called, shockingly, Alone In Her Presence: Meditations on the Goddess that can be bought on Kindle and in paperback, that explores how we walk immanently with the Goddess when not in organized community with others as a reflection on personal experience. My own journey from burn out to bliss, will live on my personal blog at erickdupree.com.
As my gift to you, please visit my website and download the Lakshmi puja card that opens this article and listen to the chant. This blessings and practice is perfect for anyone looking to receive more love, more abundance, more radiance, and more joy in their life as they are working through things. This is my current heart practice.
In coming days, I will post a Facebook page for Alone in Her Presence and the next post for Agora will launch that with more practice points. Lets keep the dialogue moving, because in truth, Alone In Her Presence, is really all of my readers and everyone who walks alone and speaks endlessly to the great Goddess, that never ending conversation in their mind.
Love and Light,