The laughter of others bounced off the walls of the room while I sat wondering if they even noticed that I was there. Chatter from my joyful friends drifted to my ears, but I felt alone. No one noticed when I walked in and sat down. No acknowledgment of my presence. No nod of the head in my direction. No wave of the hand by those sitting closest to me. Negative thoughts rushed to my mind as seconds turned into minutes without anyone noticing me.
I grew up feeling like no one really saw me, paid attention to me or cared about me. The longing of wanting to be seen caused a darkness to grow inside of me and a wall of cinder blocks to incase my heart. Those feelings carried over into my adulthood and it didn’t take much for the negative thoughts to flood my mind. My self-confidence was non-existent, and I had a hard time believing that I was good enough for others to like me, much less love me.
In Genesis chapter 16 we see that even when we think we see that God sees us even when we feel unseen. Hagar becomes pregnant and in an act of jealousy Sarai treated Hagar harshly which leads to Hagar fleeing to the desert. She was alone and hurt from the harsh treatment of Sarai and the abandonment of Abram, who told Sarai she could do as she pleases to Hagar. She came to a spring and stopped to rest. Hagar was probably not only physically exhausted but mentally exhausted. She needed to sit with her thoughts and process what was happening. She was pregnant. Sarai was no longer pleased with her. Abram allowed Sarai to treat Hagar harshly even though she was pregnant with his child. She was dealing with anger, hurt, jealousy, resentment and loneliness to name a few emotions.
In her lowest moment, God shows up. “So she named the Lord who spoke to her: “You are El-Roi,” for she said, “In this place, have I actually seen the one who sees me?” (Genesis 16:13 CSB)
God saw Hagar and He sees us. He met her in the hurting and encouraged her. God told Hagar to return to Sarai and He promised he would multiply her offspring. God has promised us that he will never leave us or forsake us. He will help us in our times of trouble. He will meet us in the middle of our darkest, lowest, most ugly moments.
It gets even better. When we are ready to lay our hurt down at his feet God will start busting down the walls we have built around our hearts. We may have to swallow our pride, just as Hagar had to do when she returned and submitted to Sarai. We may have to accept that while we were hurting, we hurt people. The good news is God is a God who can heal, reconcile relationships, and restore us.
There is freedom when we recognize that El Roi sees us, and we allow him to work in our lives. The joy we are looking for doesn’t come from those around us, but from the God who sees us.
He really does see you, my friend. He sees ALL of you. The bruises. The hurt. The scars. The tears. Nothing goes unnoticed by El Roi. He loves you and wants to restore your joy. He wants your heart to burst with happiness and joy.
“God sees us in the shadows, in the ordinary, when we’re out of the spotlight. I’m praying you’ll remember that you are never invisible to God and that He cherishes you.” Unknown
May you realize that you are seen by El Roi today and every day.
Shalom,
Kim Hardy
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