Ashley Willis
We’ve all seen them or heard them. You know…those moms who are super-stressed out and talking to their kids with a crazy kind of intensity, dragon-like nostrils (minus the smoke), and eyes that could slice through you like a knife? Yeah, well, I joined those ranks tonight. Okay, I might have been semi-rushing for that sorority in the past; but tonight, Friend, I pledged to join it all the way. I am not proud of this at all…just keepin’ it real.
It all started when the boys and I decided to get our friend a get-well gift. Sweet, right? So, we set out for the get-well gift gallery…The Dollar Tree, of course. The boys were a little riled up in the car and a touch argumentative, but nothing too out-of-our-norm. We busted into the store with glee and started looking at gift items. Now, my middle son, Connor, was extra-hyper, bouncing from aisle to aisle. Therefore, I reminded him to keep his brand-new, prescription glasses on, so he wouldn’t lose them. He is new to wearing glasses, so he tends to take them off a lot. This was his SECOND day of wearing them, so I decided that I might as well remind him a second time just to drive home the importance of my message. He agreed and disappeared into one of the aisles. A few minutes later, he busted out of the aisle with about ten feathered boas around his neck and happily danced around, being silly. I noticed that he didn’t have his glasses on, so I calmly asked, “Where are your glasses, Connor?”. He gasped and said, with a smile, “I have no idea!” and continued to act goofy. I nervously laughed and asked, “Oh, are they in your pocket?”. Still grinning, he rather nonchalantly replied, “No.” and proceeded to hippity-hop away. So, I, as calmly as I could, encouraged Connor to retrace his steps and actively look for his glasses. He didn’t seem to understand the importance of the situation, and he didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered by it either. Connor proceeded to find a small bell to ring while, supposedly, looking for his glasses. He wasn’t really looking for them at all. I think he thought is was funny; a kind of amusing game or something. This kind of behavior is honestly my Kryptonite.
I could feel my body heat rising. My heart began to beat faster. My cheeks turned red, my voice began to change, and I just know my pupils grew to the size of Junior Mints in my eyes. It was the kind of metamorphosis you’d expect from Dr. Jekyll as he transitioned into Mr. Hyde or like the teenager turning into the werewolf. I was morphing into something sinister and crazy. All I could think was, “Why doesn’t this kid get it? These are his first and only pair of prescription glasses, and they weren’t cheap!”. My calm left the building, and I allowed my inner “momster” to takeover. I seriously think my head might have spun around like the Exorcist. With a deep, sharp voice and gnarly face, I commanded Connor to put down his toys and ordered him to start searching for his glasses. Meanwhile, my three year-old, Chandler, escaped from his stroller and ran down one aisle to look at a magnifying glass. I started yelling, “No, Chandler! Come here, right now!”. A nice lady, who couldn’t help but hear my pleas and see my ridiculous predicament, tried to help by “keeping an eye out” for the glasses. I am sure my less-than-sincere smile made her feel my deep thankfulness, even though, I honestly appreciated her kind gesture. I finally got ahold of Chandler, just as he opened a bag of candy off the shelf, and began to put the pressure on Connor once again…all while frantically searching through piles and piles of toys myself. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did! I tried explaining to Chandler that the candy, he had ripped open, wasn’t ours, and I took the broken bag from him. So, for the next ten minutes, he was kicking, screaming, crying, and yelling, “My candy!”. So (inhale), I had one child acting as if it was funny to lose his glasses, another screaming and crying about candy that wasn’t his, the eldest wandering around aimlessly, and my “baby on board” was karate-chopping my abs like he was training for a role in “The Karate Kid”. That was pretty much the riveting climax of our lovely shopping experience (exhale).
It was intense to say the least. We must have been making quite a scene when a Dollar Tree worker walked up to us and asked, “What is the problem? Can I help?”. I told her that Connor lost his glasses and gave her a description of how they looked. She smiled and offered to search for them as well. In less than a minute, she excitedly said, “Found ’em!” and brought the beloved glasses to me. I slowly turned to Connor, gave him a sinister grin, and demanded that he thank the lady. He nervously smiled and thanked her. Then, I leaned over to him and eerily whispered to him that he was grounded for one week. He didn’t say a word.
As we went through the checkout line, I told Connor, once again, to put his glasses on his face. The cashier must have sensed the grit behind my request because she smiled and said, “You better do it, Sweetie, or else, your momma is gonna spank you right here.”. I could feel the eyes of the other customers all over me like daggers. As I stood there, very pregnant with our fourth boy, all I could think about was their likely disapproval of my parenting. I think there might now be a sign in the employee area with our picture and a warning beside it saying something like “Beware of This Looney Tunes Mother and Her Reckless Boys”. Mother of the year right here!
I thanked the cashier, once again, for her help in finding the glasses, and I hightailed it out of that store. I was so disappointed in Connor; no, I was flabbergasted and enraged at him. More than anything, I was completely embarrassed of my own crazy behavior. The last thing I wanted to do was go to our friend’s house. As we walked to the car, Connor found a limb…yes a limb, on a median and proceeded to drag it through the parking lot, like a caveman, as if we were going to put it in the van. I sharply said “Connor, THAT is a tree limb. Put that back on the median and come to the car, NOW!”. So, what did he decide to do? Throw it, of course. Yes, he decided to throw it back on the median; only, he didn’t think about how close it was to a CAR. So, I start yelling,”No!” like a crazy person just as my sweet, mother-of-eight neighbor and her friends walked by. She gave me the most genuine, nonjudgmental smile and said, “You need another set of hands!”, and I agreed. I agreed that, especially at that moment, I needed another set of hands to get those out-of-control kiddos in my van as fast as possible and then into bed. I was DONE!!
When we finally got into the van, all I could do was cry. I couldn’t even speak. I felt like such a failure as a mother AND as a Christian. I allowed my anger to get out of control, and this wasn’t righteous anger by any means. I totally lost my cool. I didn’t exhibit patience or speak tenderly. My eldest son, Cooper, noticed the disappointment all over my countenance and asked, “Mom, are you crying?”. I didn’t want to answer him. I just wanted to go home, put them to bed, and crawl into bed with my husband, but I couldn’t. We had purposed to do something nice for our friend, and we had to follow through. I had to put my feelings aside and focus on what was most important at that moment. We did that very thing, and it meant a lot to the sweet little boy. We were able to be a blessing even though our shopping experience was a complete and total bust.
As I have reflected more on this crazy Dollar Tree incident, I have learned a few things:
1. I need to chose grace more than guilt.
They are just a pair of glasses after all. Yes, Connor needed to be more responsible, but he is learning to wear and care for his new glasses. Children must experience the consequences of their actions, but they need the boundaries to be full of grace, especially when they are learning something new.
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.
Romans 6:14
2. I need to seek forgiveness from God and my children.
Ultimately, I have an audience of One; but, these three sets of little eyes are watching my every move as well. I am going to make mistakes, and thank God that He offers us so much grace and many chances to get it right. I think it is good for our children to see that we make mistakes and need God’s grace, and it is important that we apologize to them when we have blown it as well.
3. I need to be quick to offer love and patience.
God has lavished His unfailing love on us, and He certainly offers me more patience than I deserve. Why shouldn’t I offer my children the same love and patience? Yes, they need clear expectations and consequences for their actions, but I need to be quick to offer them love and patience instead of judgment.
But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love.
Nehemiah 9:17b
I know this “Dollar Tree Drama” really isn’t so terrible in the grand scheme of things. I know that I will eventually see the silliness behind the whole fiasco and be able to laugh about in good time. It is my prayer that I will do it differently next time. No doubt about it, there WILL be a next time. I want patience, love, and kindness to be the consistent temperature of our home, and I realize that I often set that thermostat.
Thankfully, I was able to put my kiddos to bed without anger. We all apologized to each other, and the consequences most certainly stand. Motherhood is the most beautiful, challenging, embarrassing, exciting, terrifying, loving, gratifying, humbling, and edifying adventure I have ever been on. So, here’s to another day; a new day full of new challenges and opportunities. Lord, help us to approach it with love and grace…and (gulp) less meltdowns. Amen.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
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