When You Find Out That Your Husband Has a PORN HABIT…

5.  Know that his porn habit is NOT your fault.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.    James 1:14

When I found porn on my husband’s computer many years ago, I was shocked and heartbroken.  I couldn’t believe that he was looking at those disgusting sites.  I was so angry and hurt, and I started to feel inadequate.  I wondered why he had felt the need to look at porn, and I felt like I was the one to blame.  All these negative thoughts started filling my mind telling me that I wasn’t pretty enough, or sexy enough, or good enough to satisfy my own husband.  I blamed myself.

As I have talked with many women in this same predicament over the years, I’ve realized that this is a common sentiment.  As wives, we so long to be desirable to our husbands.  So, when we find out that he has sought out sexual satisfaction through pornography, we feel completely undesirable.  It stings deeply.  Sometimes, we need to sit down and talk to a counselor to process things.

The more I have read about how a man’s mind works, the more I realize why so many fall into the porn trap at some point in their lives.  We are all visual creatures, but men tend to be more aroused through visual stimulants than most women do.  And, porn is so easily accessible today.  Just look at your email spam folder, and you will have hundreds, if not thousands, of advertisements for porn trying to lure you in.  It’s staggering.  And, it’s just a click away.

Sweet friend, please know that you did nothing wrong.  You did not lead your husband to develop a porn habit.  It’s NOT your fault–it’s SIN.  We live in a sex-saturated world full of sinful opportunities, and your husband, like mine, fell for it.  As human beings, we aren’t perfect.  At times, we are easily tempted, and we fail miserably.  We get caught in webs we didn’t even know that we were actively weaving before we’re completely entangled with no easy way out.  But, the good news is, we serve a God of second chances.  He doesn’t leave us to suffer in shame and despair.  He offers us forgiveness, healing, and new life through Jesus.  However, the process of healing takes a lot of this…