What to Do (and Not Do) When You and Your Spouse Aren’t Getting Along

1. When you and/or your spouse are tired, hungry, and/or sexually frustrated and on edge…

DON’T: Pick a fight with your spouse and press him/her on certain issues.

Statements like,

“What’s wrong with you? You’re stressed out all the time, and I’m so sick of it!”

or “I’m so tired, and you don’t even care! Just leave me alone!” only make things worse.

And yet, when we’re frustrated, we tend to fly off the handle like this to the one we love the most.

DO: Address the issues that are making you and/or your spouse so frustrated.

Anytime we are tired, hungry, and/or sexually frustrated, we are naturally going to be a little testy, and we might have the tendency to snap at our spouse. So, it’s important that we do whatever we can to resolve these issues as best we can (i.e. get some rest, eat a snack, make time for romance, etc.) as best we can. If you feel it coming on or you notice that your spouse is on edge, take a fifteen-minute time out until you both feel calm enough to speak respectfully to one another.

You might consider saying something like this:

“Honey, you seem a little stressed. How can I help?” or “Babe, I’m so sorry I’ve been so short with you. I’m exhausted, and I need to do a better job of getting the rest that I need to be at my best.”

These statements are disarming and even helpful. They don’t make accusations or stir up conflict. These statements address the real issue at heart and open the door to solving the problem together.