What to Do (and Not Do) When You and Your Spouse Aren’t Getting Along

3. When you feel like he/she isn’t listening to you at all…

DON’T: Let your anger take over and start screaming at each other.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to stop listening when someone starts yelling at me. I end up shutting down mentally and emotionally. This seems to be the case with most people. Yelling also puts us in “fight or flight” mode. We either approach the argument with our boxing gloves on or we run away and try to act like nothing is wrong. Neither is an effective way to handle an argument.

DO: Ask your partner for a five or ten-minute break and go find a quiet place, alone, to calm down.

It’s hard to think clearly when we are upset, and we often end up saying things that we can never take back. If we end up in a loud, heated exchange with our partner, it’s best to speak up and ask for a five or ten-minute break from each other. Then, both partners can find a quiet place to calm down, gather their thoughts, pray, and think about what they want the outcome of the disagreement to be. This keeps the yelling and hurtful comments at bay, and sometimes, we end up realizing that what we’re arguing about really isn’t that important. On the other hand, if we are disagreeing about a major decision or factor in our marriage and family, the pause in the argument will help us to see things more clearly. Also, if you still feel frazzled and angry after ten minutes, take more time until you calm down and are in a better state of mind to communicate.

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