What to Do (and Not Do) When You and Your Spouse Aren’t Getting Along

5. When you can’t bring yourself to address a certain issue in your marriage…

DON’T: Act like there is no problem at all and build up resentment towards your spouse.

We are not mind readers. We must communicate daily with our spouse, and we certainly need to address any issues we’re having in our marriage. Sometimes, our partner is clueless that there is a problem. An unspoken marital issue is like an undiagnosed cancer in our marriage. Just because we haven’t discussed the issue doesn’t mean it’s not present. We have to be open and honest, even when what we have to say is unfavorable.

DO: Write down your thoughts and feelings about the issue, and have your spouse read it.

If we can’t bring ourselves to talk about an issue, then why not write it down? This can be extremely effective because we can take the time to really think about how we want to address the issue with our spouse and how we would like to say it to him/her. We have more of a filter with our tone and approach when we write things down. I recommend handwriting the note or typing it out and physically handing it to your spouse instead of delivering it via text or email. You want to be sure that your spouse receives it at an appropriate time and place, so he/she can give the note his/her full attention. We need to allow our spouse time to process what we write in the note, and give him/her time to respond. This gets the ball rolling and will help us to effectively address and resolve the issue.

For more on how to have better communication in your marriage, check out our his and hers devotionals called, 7 Days to a Stronger Marriage.

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