Are Religious People Too Harsh?

When I listen to some religious people, there are times when I feel a bit of a heartache. I get it that most are so fervent in their faith that they can’t help but share it with others. I also get it that I’m still weak in faith, struggling to follow the Lord and often stumble along the way. But at times, I can’t help but ask, “Is this what holiness sounds like?”

Because during such times, holiness can sound so stern that people may believe our God is unmerciful. During such times, holiness can sound so condemning that sinners may be driven to despair instead of hopeful repentance.

It’s no wonder that so many arguments can be found in Christian and Catholic forums and discussion groups, even among the faithful. And in places where you expect to find understanding, forgiveness and compassion, what you find are people exchanging very hurtful remarks.

How can religious people sound so harsh?

Then I remember one of the things I found troubling with the saints themselves. Many have words that sound so abrasive to the point that they can be cruel. Is God cruel?

“Behold, my servant whom I have chosen, my beloved in whom I delight; I shall place my spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles. He will not contend or cry out, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory. And in his name the Gentiles will hope.” – Matthew 12:18-21 NABRE

If I were already feeling like a very bruised reed, then hearing those words may just break me instead of leading me closer to God!

We must be very careful with our words. A good intention is sometimes not enough. We also need to see who we are talking to and consider the effect of our words on others. Are we truly saving them? Or are we driving them farther away from God?

On the other hand, we must also select what we are reading or listening to. Ask yourself, “Is this appropriate for my stage of spiritual growth? Am I the one who should be listening to this?”

Even Jesus spoke harshly at times. He called the Pharisees and Scribes hypocrites. He even described them as the offspring of vipers!

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You lock the kingdom of heaven before human beings. You do not enter yourselves, nor do you allow entrance to those trying to enter.” – Matthew 23:13 NABRE

“You brood of vipers, how can you say good things when you are evil? For from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.” – Matthew 12:34 NABRE

To those who are repentant and bowed down, however, Jesus spoke with the gentleness of a mother. He knows us well and what we ought to hear.

As for the saints, while many spoke in general terms, we can’t deny the fact that sometimes, they may be talking more about themselves and their struggles than about other people’s plight.

Each person has a particular cross, weakness and struggle. To these things, we react the most and speak the most about.

To someone who has been accustomed to a life of sin and a lack of regard for God’s justice, we may hear words of warning to awaken the conscience and warn against hell.

To someone who is often tempted to be slothful in one’s spiritual growth, we may hear words encouraging extra zeal.

To someone who wants to overcome lust, we may hear more words about chastity and being pure.

To someone being offered up as a sacrifice in union with the sufferings of Christ for the world, we may hear about penance or fasting.

There is a common path that we all share towards Christ, but we are also different in the burdens that we carry, the weaknesses we struggle with and the desires God has embedded deeply within our hearts.

Let us not judge others nor cause them to stumble. In all things, let us ask for God’s wisdom to guide our thoughts, words and actions.

There is a time and place for everything, even for stern words. But let us always remember that we are not Jesus. We don’t know the depths of a person’s heart and soul. So even if we must correct someone, we must correct them in kindness and love, being aware of our own frailty and limitations.

“I would rather make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in unkindness and hardness.” – Mother Teresa

Jocelyn Soriano is the author of Mend My Broken Heart, Defending My Catholic Faith and 366 Days of Compassion. She also writes about faith and writing at Single Catholic Writer.