Whiplash & the Same-sex Marriage Policy

Thirteen months ago I was in a violent car accident. I was belted into a Honda Civic that was yielding to oncoming traffic before executing a left-hand turn on a two-lane highway. My car was completely stationary. The speed limit on that highway is 45 mph. It was dark, my lights were on, tail lights fully functional, and my turn signal breached the late-night darkness. A car came from behind, I suppose it was going the speed limit but I am not certain. I had about one-eighth of a seconds notice before that car plowed into the back of my small car. The tricky part about the one-eighth second was that it was enough time to see the car in an instant, but not enough time to respond in order to brace for the collision. Whiplash was among the injuries that resulted from that accident. It hurt then, and one-year later it still hurts. I can’t move my head back and to the left without pain. That pain is real.

Less than one week ago there was a collision. Rear end? T-bone? Head on? I’m not sure. But the collision basically involved three states of mind: for, against, and unsettled. Furthermore, injuries were sustained as a result of this collision. People in both cars got hurt. If you walked away uninjured, good enough. But at this juncture, pain is a common denominator for many involved.

One of the most fundamental rules of interpersonal dialogue is that when one person expresses that they are in pain it is fundamentally wrong for another to claim that they are not. You don’t minimize claims to pain. Were someone to tell me that I am not in pain as a result of my accident they would immediately lose face and credibility in my mind. It would be a conversation stopper.

So at this time of difficulty, it is a bad idea to write someone else’s narrative about the collision. And if you walked away from the collision uninjured, or if you don’t believe there was collision, don’t tell others in pain that it was no big deal.

Here are two ways (but there are many) we deny someone else’s pain. If you say, “You didn’t see this coming? You should have. This was an easy call because the doctrine of the Church is clear!” Or conversely, “You’re not upset about this policy? You should be if you care at all about the lives of children and treating gays with kindness!” Declarations like these may be gratifying at the moment but are not very productive in the long term. In fact, they are likely conversation stoppers. In that light, don’t write another’s narrative. And please refrain from telling people they’re not in pain. It is not civil. After all, whiplash is real.