We’re Loving “Love and Logic”

One of the most recent blessings in our family has been the addition of a new parenting philosophy for mom and dad, “Parenting with Love & Logic“. Having read some of the Love and Logic books for early childhood, I was intrigued when I saw that our church would be offering a Parenting with L&L class this Fall. I remembered vaguely some of the techniques that I had read about and tried when our oldest was a toddler – quite honestly, much of what I had read seemed a little too silly to me, and I couldn’t believe that it would actually work with my child. We had adopted some of the Love and Logic philosophy – for example, we’ve always done our best to implement logical consequences – but after a few “failed” attempts, we gave up on the philosophy and moved on.

Well, needless to say, over the past few years my husband and I have had plenty of those head-scratching parenting moments – you know, those moments where you think to yourself, “Okay, we’ve tried everything we can think of…What now?!” Some examples that come to mind are: 1) A very difficult year of bedtime with our son from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years of age, 2) An otherwise sweet-natured toddler who was getting very easily frustrated and resorting to grabbing/hitting/biting fairly often, and 3) Children who would.not.sit.still.at.the.dinner.table! We’re still working on this last one 🙂

Enter an angel in the form of my “Parenting with Love and Logic” teacher, and a complete willingness on my part to learn and implement some new parenting strategies! I can honestly say that the past 5 weeks have been completely eye-opening and encouraging, and I am eternally grateful. While our family life is far from perfect, I feel that a huge burden has been lifted from our shoulders and that we are all breathing easier around here. We’re enjoying each others’ company more, treating each other with more respect, and thinking a bit more before we act. Praise God!

Here is a nutshell of what we have learned: Love and Logic offers a parenting technique that

• Fully respects both children and their parents, and gives children a great set of tools that will benefit them for a lifetime.
• Helps parents to step back and realize the importance of teaching our children how to think for themselves and solve their own problems using cause and effect thinking; this is called developing an “internal voice.”
• Teaches parents how to become “consultants” rather than “helicopter” or “drill sargaent” parents, aiming to send children the message that while they will always be available for advice and support, they’d best do most of their own thinking  because their decisions will affect the quality of their own lives.
• Teaches parents how to use enforceable statements rather than threats, and logical consequences rather than punishments.
• Reinforces that parents must take care of themselves and require their children to treat them with respect, thus serving as a model for their children for how they should expect to be treated as well.
• Teaches parents how to “lock in empathy” and discipline in a way that does away with a lot of the anger that children often feel towards their parents. Anger blinds children to what they have just done wrong; the anger becomes the child’s focus and they lose the opportunity to learn from the mistake that they have just made. This builds up resentment in the child and frustration in the parent, and can also lead to out-of-control behavior on the part of both children and parents.

As I said earlier, I have been taking this course through my church, but I know that many local school districts are also offering Love and Logic courses with different instructors. If any of this sounds compelling, check to see if there are any Love and Logic classes offered in your area (you may need to do a Google search). Jim Fay and his son, Charles Fay, two of the founders of the theory, offer seminars around the country, and another founder, Foster Cline, also speaks on occasion. It would be really neat to see them in person, but because their seminars are few and far between, every Love & Logic course contains DVD snippets of their talks that are both entertaining and informative!

God bless all of you wonderful parents! Be encouraged that God has made you the parents of your children for a reason, and that if things are going badly right now, they certainly can get better!

Holy Mary, Help of Christians, pray for us!