For the Newlyweds

One of our dear friends is getting married today, and many of the Builders are gathered in Washington for the special event.  Weddings are amazing; your friends and family fly in from all over the world to celebrate your commitment and your relationship is imbued with new, sacramental strength.

If FT were there, he would tell you a few things, we have heard them many times from him at weddings, but they deserve to be repeated.  First, don’t run away.  Marriage is worth the effort, but it does take a surprising amount of effort, and humility and charity, more than many people are able to give to one another.  Keep at it, because as you grow in these things you will be closer to God and one another.  Second, ask for forgiveness and forgive.  Over and over again.  Big things and little things.  Third, the community present at your wedding is there to promise to support you in your marriage, go to them when you are in trouble.

One of the most important things about my relationship with these women over the years has been the ways that they have supported my marriage.  These girls know how you get when you are exhausted, that there is fire behind your often quiet, joyful attitude, they know when you need space and how to reconcile with you after a fight.  There is a sisterhood there.  The blessing of this sisterhood is that these women believe deeply in the sacramentality of your marriage, and they will pray for you and support you through difficult times, rather then bashing your husband or encouraging you to stay angry.  When you get crazy, they will listen long after he can’t stand to talk about it anymore.  There will be stages in your marriage when this support is priceless, so don’t be afraid to show vulnerability by asking for it.

Many people ask us how we do it, and while we all have different styles, I think we would agree that the foundation of each of our cathedrals is our faith in God and our amazing husbands.  They keep food on our tables with their daily labor, and two have put their lives on the line for the freedom of all of our families.  They lead our families in prayer, but they know the healthy limits of wifely submission.  They make us laugh.  They motivate us and help us juggle when we overcommit.  They have held our hands through 26 labors.  They are our best friends.

We wish you a marriage in which you grow closer to God through one another each day, firm in the knowledge that you are one another’s path to sanctity.