My sweet baby turned the big “1” on February 23. *Gasp!*
A few days ago I was sitting on the floor in her room watching her dart — yes, practically dart — from toy to toy, giggling, bobbing to music, waving at the dogs, and looking up to me for approval. I smile back always at times like this. She is so full of life and I love it! While in one sense it is so hard to believe that a whole year had passed — a hard, easy, fun, non-fun-one depending on the hour and how sleep deprived I was — but in another not so much. This is what is supposed to happen, and we are blessed by it…the tiny moments of letting go that happen even now, at age one, as I watch her dart to all her play. I could hover over her as I did a month ago, because it was more appropriate then. Now, she needs less of that for this particular situation and I need to let that be, even as I see things she might stumble on. Though it’s hard to not be able to snuggle with her the same way I did when she was five months old, she’s learning and growing and that is healthy and a blessing. I am rejoicing in her little one year old accomplishments each day, which are so, so, so precious.
I am writing all of this to remind myself of it really. I look at her and see how easy it would be (and is) to continue to hold on to and almost mourn the age she is leaving, rather than being present and rejoicing in where she is. The latter is best for her, but it seems like such a hard, hard balance in my momma brain. Thank goodness for prayer and grace, slowly and sometimes painfully teaching me always to love close and deep… but let go in tiny little ways.