Friendship ramblings

On Friday I was extremely frustrated with my daughter for what seemed to be a complete lack of focus and attention to detail in her schoolwork.  For months now, Gianna regularly “finishes” assignments in a rushed manner, turning in error-ridden copy work and math worksheets.  The errors are all “simple” mistakes–adding instead of subtracting, misreading a graph, or forgetting to copy certain letters in words.  On Friday she made six careless errors on a 20 problem math test.  I circled them and asked her to correct them.  She rushed through the corrections and “forgot” to fix three of the six problems.  I had had it.  I furiously typed a frustrated e-mail to Mary Alice, asking for advice.  Moments later, the phone rang.  In an exasperated tone, I described our trouble, and Mary Alice listened.

She then explained how she has handled similar problems with her children, and together we came up with plan.  Gianna would earn  a “math pass” for perfect tests.  She could use the math pass to get out of doing math on any day she liked (don’t worry, we will still finish the book, and these tests are not that frequent).  Imperfect math worksheets with careless errors would require her to complete a second “B” worksheet for extra practice.  In addition, every assignment would be timed, and Gianna would be required to sit for the full duration of time, regardless of whether she finished early.  This would reduce the incentive to rush. As for copy work, a simple error would require the entire assignment to be recopied.  No exceptions.

I got off the phone with a plan, and I felt refreshed.  I talked to Gianna about the new rules.  She loved the math pass concept, but was pretty irritated about the other new rules.  We went over the rules again this morning.  She asked questions in a manner that seemed to test my seriousness.  Would I really make her recopy the entire assignment for one small mistake?  Yes.

She began her schoolwork.  At the end of her math worksheet she asked me how much time was left, “5 minutes,” I responded.  I reminded her of the rules that she could not start anything else and had to remain seated until the timer finished.  I suggested she use the remaining time to check her work.  She did so and I saw her fix several things.  As time expired she handed me a perfect math worksheet.  Every decimal point and money sign was written.  Later in the morning, she handed me a perfect copy work assignment.  I can’t remember the last time she turned in perfect work.

While I am obviously thrilled with these results, I have been thinking all day about how I couldn’t have achieved them so painlessly without the great advice of Mary Alice.  I then started thinking about how she is just one example of the many women who bless my life on a daily basis.  I’m not sure why, but I’ve been feeling especially grateful lately for all the great women in my life.  And so I’ve been making a big effort to really pray for my friends.  It seems so many of the mothers I know are facing deep challenges and intense suffering in their lives.  Sick children, depression, crazy in-laws, husbands without work, and difficult pregnancies are just some of the trials in their day.  And while I can’t often solve their troubles with a simple phone call and a bit of quick advice, like Mary Alice did for me on Friday, I can remember to include my friends in my daily prayers and I can offer up my own struggles for their intentions.

We all need so much grace to fulfill our vocation as wives and mothers.  With Lent just around the corner, and my friends weighing heavily on my mind, I will be making a special commitment this Lent to pray for all my mom friends.  In college I remember fasting for one another, but now, as a gluten intolerant, breastfeeding mother, fasting isn’t really an option.  I’m looking for a different, but just as practical, way to pray for my friends.  Any thoughts?

~  “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”~ C.S. Lewis