I’ve Been Lying About How Many Kids I Have

[Title Photo Attribution: Original Photo Source; CC 2.0]

I’m not one for new years resolutions but, I’m thinking of making one this year. When people ask me how many kids I have – I won’t lie anymore.

A few weeks ago I found out that my wife is pregnant for the 5th time, in just under 6 years of marriage. Yes, its true we are the most fertile people alive. So, before TLC calls me about starting a reality TV show, I think I should explain.

If you know me, you know that I have 3 kids and 1 on the way. What you may not know is we have another child hat we don’t speak of very often.

She passed away in 2012 when my wife was 8 weeks along due to a miscarriage.

We knew something was wrong when the morning sickness seemed to vanish almost overnight. We prayed, we saw the doctor, we did everything you are supposed to do but the signs all pointed to a miscarriage. A few days later Ainsley Elizabeth Lee’s tiny body entered this world.

I made a TLC crack above because the Duggars were on my mind in writing this post. A few years ago Michelle, the mother of 19 kids, had a miscarriage. In response they had a formal funeral. I appreciated this because even though it was a miscarriage they still recognized it was a human life.

Ainsley was just as human as any of my other kids, just less mature. Her soul was just as precious. She had a personality, with likes and dislikes. She had talents and giftings. She loved certain kids of food and hated others. She had a voice all her own. She just never got the chance to share it with the world. These things that made her who she is were there; just unrealized.

Maybe I am the only one. But, sometimes I think we forget that those lives lost in pregnancy are just as human as precious as the ones that are born as planned. Sure, if you ask the answer is easy. After all, we are (as we should be) pro-lifers. We believe that life begins at conception. Then why don’t we talk about miscarriages more?

It might be helpful for some to review what all a baby at Ainsley’s age can do. At 8 weeks a baby has a heart beat, is starting to develop fingers and toes, eyelids, and the brain cells are starting to connect. She is as real as you and me, and, her life deserves to celebrated.

After we had our miscarriage I was surprised to learn how many other couples had gone through them. I had no clue how many there were. Statistics tell us that about 15-20% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. But, our culture has a strange desire to not talk about this issue. I suppose I understand some of the desire to keep it a secret – it’s unsettling, traumatic, and sometimes embarrassing. We don’t want to talk about it.

Perhaps if we talked about it more it might provide some healing for grieving parents. One of the most common tips you find when dealing with a loss is turn to friends and family members. After saying that, let me be clear. There is a time a grieving and that is different for everyone. There are some fantastic counselors out there that can help with your loss. All I am saying is that It doesn’t have to be a secret and it certainly should not be embarrassing. There are plenty of people around you who have experienced a similar loss. More than that, we have a great high priest, Jesus, who can sympathize with you (Hebrews 4:15). He knows every tear and ache of your heart. He loves you and wants to draw near to Him.

Even though I have not yet met Ainsley I know shes beautiful. She is my daughter as much as any other child I have and I blessed to be her father. I cannot wait for the day in heaven when I can sit down with her and learn the tiny details of how she was fearfully and wonderful made.

So, let me start the New Year right.

Hello, my name is Jack Lee and I have 5 kids: Madeline, Henry, Ainsley, Ellie Kate,  and TBD (we still haven’t picked a name for our newest addition. I’m pushing for Maximus)