You Can’t Spell COMPLAIN Without P-A-I-N

                                [Attribution Title Photo: Title Photo Source; CC 2.0]

“I will not be as those who spend the day complaining of headache, and the night drinking with wine that gives it” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life” (Philippians 2:14-16, ESV)

For anyone who works in ministry for any period of time, you have, no doubt, experienced moments akin to that of Moses… dealing with dreaded complaints. You would be hard pressed to find someone in a Christian ministry leadership position who didn’t deal with complaints, especially those which seem petty, unrealistic, or distracting. So for those of us who labor for the Kingdom, I want to provide a few thoughts to keep in mind when (not if) those complaints inevitably come. While I can’t say I’m an “expert” on the subject, this (sadly) is one area of ministry where I have a bit of experience. So when that sigh-inducing knock comes upon your door… when the caller ID reveals a complain-aholic on the other line, here are some things to remember:

1. Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

There will come a time when you simply have to say “no” to certain concerns. Perhaps it’s not ministry-minded. Perhaps it’s enabling their selfishness or consumerisitic attitude toward Christianity. Perhaps it’s not a heavy priority at the time. Perhaps it’s just plain silly. Whatever the reason, remember that this complaint is valid to that person. To decline it in an unloving way is to decline them… thereby, in their eyes, denying their validity. This can be a huge ministry crippler, because people won’t want to work alongside you if they don’t feel validated. Be honest… Be firm… but don’t let your language (in speech or in body) make you seem unloving in your response, because (to them) their concerns (*cough, cough* complaints *cough*) are totally legitimate.

2. God will give you the words (Luke 4:12, Exodus 12:12).

In the heat of the moment, we will be greatly tempted to react with verbal un-pleasantries… or get defensive… or both. To be both a conflict resolver and a ministry servant, you need to realize that your words have no power. Sure, good preachers certainly understand this, but it’s true for every Christian. Like everything else in the Christian life, we are forced to rely fully on God. Shouldn’t that be the case for crafting our responses to various complaints?

3. Maintain a sense of priority.

There is a hierarchy of importance in ministry… a Kingdom “totem pole”, if you will. This is true in the Church, both universally and at the local level. It goes something like this: Your God (and your subsequent relationship with Him personally) comes FIRST. Your spouse comes second, followed closely by your family. Many Christians laboring in ministry forget this. Your specific calling in ministry comes third (more on this later). People in need come next (can’t have a ministry without people, right?). Then, and only then, can you focus on logistics and intangibles. It’s important that we don’t let editing bulletin announcements and changing light bulbs take higher priority than laying hands on the sick or praying for those in need.

4. Take each complaint on a case-by-case basis.

Complaints are like snowflakes. There are no two exactly alike. Be sure to consider (A) the source it comes from… Is it someone who frequently complains about everything or someone who nevercomplains?… (B) The nature of the complaint. Is it about YOU? Can this possibly be a growing opportunity? Is this complaint a temptation to gossip? Is this complaint coming to the wrong person (or wrong committee)? Is this complaint a high priority (In your mind? In their mind?). All of these things need to be factored in when evaluating a complaint.

5. NEVER let complaints distract you from what you are BIBLICALLY called to do.

We each have our own specific calling from God in ministry and nothing needs to distract us from that, because (at the end of the day) that is what we are accountable to God for. When Paul writes to Timothy (a pastor, but a Christian nonetheless), he reminds him of what is of the utmost importance in his ministry… In the case of Timothy’s pastoral position (and pastors today, by extension) it was to “command and teach” (1 Tim. 4:11), to “set an example” (4:12), to “Devote yourself” to the scripture (4:13), to “not neglect” your gifts and calling (4:14), to visibly“progress” in your faith (4:15), and “keep close watch” on your doctrine… in other words, teach the Bible (4:16). The important, biblical tasks of ministry are so vitally important that Paul tells Timothy he must “persist” in them (4:16). A great temptation in ministry is to place emphasis on the “important” things of men over what God, in His word, tells us is preeminently important. This is a danger we have to fight every day.

Nobody likes to deal with complaints, especially when they involve bettering or changing one’s self. Voicing concerns is helpful in growing the church, but can also prove to be a huge, selfishly-driven distraction from Kingdom work. Know the difference. Above all, remember Who’s opinion matters most. Come alongside those complainers (regardless of their motive), always having the intention of pointing them closer to the Lord, whose “ways are higher than our ways and thoughts are higher than our thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). In short, be patient, be loving, be a good listener, be sensitive, and be one who understands that we ourselves are complainers too… co-grumblers in the wilderness, who get sick of tasting the abundant Manna from Heaven. Christ gently, yet powerfully redeemed us from our grumbling, by His love. Truly, the Kingdom will advance whenever we lovingly do the same to others.