Advanced science that settles most of humanity’s philosophical and theological questions?

From The Onion, America’s premiere journal of scientific research:

“Scientists Capture Audio of Beetle Colliding with Paper Clip for First Time”

Once, when asked what the study of nature had taught him about God, the legendary biologist J. B. S. Haldane (1892-1964) quipped, “The Creator must have an inordinate fondness for beetles.  He made so many of them.”