What Santa School Can Teach Me About God

If you have any aspirations about donning a suit and a beard and playing Santa, you might want to think about some proper training. Who knew?

The Charles W. Hard Santa Claus School in Midland, Michigan is the nation’s oldest — and best — at putting the ho-ho-ho in the heart of would-be Santas. For 75 years they have been teaching the tricks of the trade.

And apparently, business is booming. With 8 percent unemployment, the Santa gig is good work for a least a few months. The tuition is about $400. The skills they learn can last a lifetime.

Some of the skills are just good hygiene Have good breath. Don’t smoke or drink for 12 hours before you are on duty. Wash your hands in between visits.

And there’s the look. The beard needs to be slightly curly. The smile needs to be almost wistful, wise and comforting but not over the top. They also teach super secret Santa tricks like how to get that laugh that doesn’t come from the throat, but rolls up from the diaphragm. Try it. It’s harder than it seems. And a Santa’s hands always need to be in plain sight — I guess a sign of the times.

But the big problem for modern-day Santas is greedy kids. When a six year old jumps on your lap and asks for an iPad, what do you say? They have to artfully dodge just about every request, otherwise angry Moms and Dads might just revoke your license. The good Santas are taught to help guide the children back to reality. They can’t promise anything, except to provide a little hope.

As a kid, I always had a love/hate relationship with Santa. He was big on image, big on talk, but did little to make good on his promises.

I wonder if this is how I approach God? Do I sit on his lap, asking for unreasonable material possessions? Do I promise to be a good boy, while presenting him with a list of stocking stuffers?

Does he patiently listen to me, knowing that I’m really not the upstanding person I pretend to be.

Does he hold back all I ask for, because it will harm me?

I need God. Not Santa. And the wisdom to know the difference.

Does your image of Santa impact your image of God? I think this is a good conversation to have

Hopefully, the Santas that go to the school are of a higher quality than these 10 creepy Santas.

Please, share with a friend if you feel moved.
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