Purportedly from the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the Washington Post. A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work: If it is all the same to you, I won’t be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I... Read more