The Cobra Commander Dialogues: II.VIII.1

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: IOKIYAR.

Cobra Commander: Did the Teleportation Machine work Dr. Mindbender?
Doctor Mindbender: Well I thought it was going to be difficult rounding up all the raw gold needed to serve as its fuel source but after pointing me to that idiot pirate who was just giving it away we were set.
Cobra Commander: So all the passengers on the train…
Doctor Mindbender: Safe in Cobra Custody Herr Commander, replaced with lifelike dummies.
Cobra Commander: And the plant?
Doctor Mindbender: Yes we left behind a Cobra Trooper disguised as a ‘Fireman Beal’ to plant a false story. Won’t anyone notice he doesn’t actually work for the company?
Cobra Commander: No I’m relatively certain that everyone in this world are inattentive idiots, but even more than that I’m positive that no person with a job like ‘Fireman’ would be considered important by anyone here. Least of all this world’s creator.
Doctor Mindbender: Again, can I ask why we did this?
Cobra Commander: Well we may be a ruthless terrorist organization but even I’m not going to stand by and let someone blow up some innocent little kids and let them die from fire and asphyxiation because I think that they deserve it!
Doctor Mindbender: Yes… that does seem like an incredibly pointless and stupid kind of evil. Whoever advocated such a thing must be one of the most vilest and incompetent villains ever. It’s very fortunate that such a self indulgent, stupid, mean spirited and utterly, pointlessly morally bankrupt person would never be able to found a movement of like minded people who would think that that person was, oh, some kind of prophet preaching necessary truths about life.
Cobra Commander: Indeed! Now get to work on that shrink ray so we can sneak Cobra Troopers into the Joes’ Christmas presents, on the double!
Doctor Mindbender: Finally, a sensible and understandable evil plan. Right away Herr Commander!