The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.I.4

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: The Social Atom.

Cobra Commander: Wait, he’s renting you his car?
John Galt: Of course, for 25 hard earned American cents.
Cobra Commander: So he’s taking a loss.
John Galt: What do you mean, he’s making a profit!
Cobra Commander: Even assuming fuel was plentiful and cheap in your magic valley with your magic super efficient motors and all that…
John Galt: It’s not magic, it’s sufficiently advanced technology.
Cobra Commander: Let me introduce you to Arthur C. Clarke sometime, I have a feeling you could use with an actual entertaining book. Regardless, the vehicle is still going to suffer wear and tear through mileage, and a simple cost benefit analysis…
John Galt: A what now?
Cobra Commander: Right, sorry, I forgot that despite being captains of industry you all are remarkably stupid when it comes to the basics of modern capitalism.
John Galt: Hey! I don’t have to analyze anything, if I do something it’s right, and if I don’t do something it’s evil.
Cobra Commander: Good and evil don’t factor into it! I’m saying that including Midas being unable to use the car for the day just you causing it the damage of use plus dirtying it up will be worth more than twenty five cents to him!
John Galt: I don’t think you understand. He didn’t have twenty five cents before I used the car, and now he does. Thus, he is richer.
Cobra Commander: There’s more to capitalism than money you brainless bonehead! Goods and services have inherent value as commodities! In fact twenty five cents is likely such a pittance for men of your wealth that it counts as a formality. It’s no different than say… demanding a high five before he hands the car over. it’s still a gift.
John Galt: How dare you!
Cobra Commander: What call you a imbecilic cretin?
John Galt: No not that, also you didn’t say that.
Cobra Commander: Oh, sorry, I meant to you mutton headed oaf.
John Galt: No worries. And no, how dare you use the ‘G’ word!
Cobra Commander: I thought this place was one where I was free to do anything that I wished you pitiful pinhead.
John Galt: Of course, and as I’ve always said it’s anything you want so long as you do exactly what we do, which includes never G-I-V-E-ing anything.
Cobra Commander: Luckily unlike some of your residents here I can spell. Well let me GIVE you some advice.
John Galt: OH, you said it again!
Cobra Commander: Shut up. What happens when you wreck his car?
John Galt: I would never do that, I’m perfect and thus a perfect driver.
Cobra Commander: Not everything is in your control you dunderheaded dolt! There are rocks and nails and hazards that can cause tire damage, and wild animals that could run into you and freak storms and who knows what else. And if any of these things happen who would be responsible for the cost of fixing the vehicle?
John Galt: Well er… in a perfect society without laws…
Cobra Commander: You don’t know, because you didn’t write up a contract and you lack a system of basic insurance and liability laws that handle disputes like this. And in a society that didn’t force everything to be handled with the exchange of money you could just have a gentleman’s agreement about such things but you’ve put yourself in a corner by arbitrarily deciding that such things are unethical.
John Galt: Well it wouldn’t happen okay! So we don’t need laws for it so there you… you…
Cobra Commander: Unmitigated genius?
John Galt: Yes! Wait, No!
Cobra Commander: Right, sorry, unparalleled genius sounds better.