The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.II.2

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: The Jolly Roger.

Ragnar Danneskjold: Ha ha! I have returned!
Cobra Commander: Ugh… what are you doing here?
Dagny Taggart: Gasp! He’s so handsome!
Ragnar Danneskjold: Oh! It’s good to see you here, always glad to run into another hero dashing about my kind metal faced friend! How is the gold treating you?
Cobra Commander: Oh I could use another few tons of it.
Ragnar Danneskjold: Well I’ll get right on that… just as soon as this lady over here stops staring at me mouth agape.
Dagny Taggart: So handsome…
Cobra Commander: Yes you’ll have to forgive her. At some point she was some kind of active presence who actually went out and did things, but it seems like this valley has been steadily making her more stupid, vapid, and… ugh… she’s drooling.
Dagny Taggart: Guuuuuh… handsome…
Ragnar Danneskjold: Ha ha! Not an uncommon reaction when women see my incredibly good looking self.
Cobra Commander: Really? Are you really that full of yourself?
Ragnar Danneskjold: Oh it happens all the time! How do you think I take over ships so easily? All the female crew just passes out when they see me. And speaking of…
Dagny Taggart: *Passes out into a quivering pile*
Ragnar Danneskjold: There we are, right on cue.
John Galt: I’m back and… Dagny are you okay!?
Cobra Commander: She really isn’t.
Ragnar Danneskjold: Oh not to worry, I’m here!
John Galt: Ahhh, that explains it. Good to have you back old friend!
Ragnar Danneskjold: Good to be back, shame I didn’t get the chance to explain to her about who I was and how awesome and heroic I was, but she probably wouldn’t have listened anyways.
John Galt: Women huh? Well hope she at least got my breakfast made before she passed out.
Dagny Taggart: *Drools, twitches*
Cobra Commander: I hate you all so much right now.
Ragnar Danneskjold: Well maybe it’s for the best that she’s out of it, would hate to have her spark another fight between us!
Cobra Commander: Wait what, fight? What fight?
John Galt: Oh you wouldn’t appreciate this kind of fight… nobody brings any guns to it.
Cobra Commander: First off, I apologized for shooting you.
John Galt: You didn’t.
Cobra Commander: Right, that was a lie because I wasn’t actually sorry for that. But secondly any fight can have some guns if I bring them to the party. So what are you two fighting about?
Ragnar Danneskjold: Well, our mutual friend her disagrees with my handsome piratey ways.
Cobra Commander: Excellent! Finally some competition here!
John Galt: Well obviously I’m opposed to you being off pirating. You’re far too handsome for that!
Cobra Commander: What.
Ragnar Danneskjold: Like most the people of this little valley, Mr. Galt here think that by virtue of me being so amazing and handsome I should just sit back comfortably and watch the world collapse, but I want to be out there doing my part!
John Galt: And ruin a face that beautiful!?
Cobra Commander: *Slams his head into the table, repeatedly*
Dagny Taggart: *Continues drooling, twitching*