The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.V.2

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Job Creators.

Cobra Commander: Yes yes, just have to go through the formality of you swearing your eternal allegiance to me and then go turn in your paperwork with Sheela in HR.
Philip Rearden: Oh, ah… I thought that would be a lot more difficult. I wasn’t able to get a job with my brother earlier.
Cobra Commander: Wait a second… let me see your resume there… Your brother wouldn’t happen to be Hank Rearden would he?
Philip Rearden: Oh yes sir! The wonderful brilliant industrialist who I sponge off of while seeking the approval of.
Cobra Commander: And if I were to torture you would that make him unhappy in any way?
Philip Rearden: Oh no sir, even though he inexplicably still keeps paying for my lifestyle despite stating open contempt for me, I’m relatively sure the only thing that has kept him from murdering me himself is that I’m such a lowly worm that I’m far beneath his attention and effort to be worth the act.
Cobra Commander: Ah what a shame. Still, we can always do with some more grunts.
Philip Rearden: But isn’t that hard on you, having to just create another job out of the ether?
Cobra Commander: Not… really how job creation works. Think you might have been listening to your brother a little much there. Markets drive job creation. Companies that need to produce more goods to satisfy market needs need more personnel to perform the work. And currently with the world collapsing all around us and rioting and looting on the increase there’s plenty of need for a ruthless terrorist organization like Cobra, so plenty of space to toss in some fresh meat to the grinder.
Philip Rearden: Well I’m afraid that a simpleton like me couldn’t quite follow all of that, but I can bring to the job influence I wield with people in Washington.
Cobra Commander: Wonderful, you know even if you yourself aren’t terribly useful in an operational capacity I’m sure we can make use of that. Just hop on down to the supply and you’ll be fitted up for a jumpsuit, helmet and balaclava. Again, after you can give me a good Hail Cobra.
Philip Rearden: HAIL COBRA!
Cobra Commander: There we are down the hall on your left then. Now send the next one in would you Sheela?
The Wet Nurse: Sir I’ve come to throw myself on your feet, groveling for…
Cobra Commander: Yes yes, it… says here your name is Tony?
The Wet Nurse: Oh I’m sorry most magnanimous great and exhaustive Sir but yes I…
Cobra Commander: Do shut up.
The Wet Nurse: Yes sir, at once sir, feel free to beat me up if I’m annoying you.
Cobra Commander: Noted, I’ll have you flogged a bit later. Alright, it says… you currently work for… Rearden hmm? Quite the lot of you today.
The Wet Nurse: Thank you for the beating sir, I’m sure a worthless worm like me will be entirely deserving of it. But not so much as worked for as supervised even though I realize now that anyone as weak and pathetic as I and the people I supported had no right to…
Cobra Commander: Yes yes, no need to go on I’ll just go ahead and double up the flogging.
The Wet Nurse: Thank you sir.
Cobra Commander: In any case you’re certainly welcome aboard, just give me a good hearty Hail Cobra and swear your fealty to me.
The Wet Nurse: HAIL COBRA! Also I’d like to once again thank you for…
Cobra Commander: Yes yes, triple the floggings. Now head on down the hall turn in your paperwork, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.