The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.V.3

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Big Soy.

Hank Rearden: Where’s Dagny! I demand to speak with her! I need her trains!
Cobra Commander: First of all you may demand nothing. And secondly a prolonged visit can certainly be arranged at your convenience, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the amenities here just as much as she does.
Hank Rearden: You’ll be enjoying nothing soon, there’s no food left!
Cobra Commander: You know one of the benefits of constantly planning to end the world is that you’re quite well prepared for when the end of the world comes, I assure you Cobra is quite well stocked.
Hank Rearden: Well that may all be well and fine for you but all of those people, those millions and millions of people who will starve across the whole of the country…
Cobra Commander: I’m rather surprised to see you showing the slightest bit of sympathy for your fellow man.
Hank Rearden: What? Sympathy? No I was poised to make a fortune off of those starving “consumers.”
Cobra Commander: Well that’s more like what I’ve come to expect. Also I’m not sure why you feel the need to put air quotes around “consumers.”
Hank Rearden: Obviously because people who consume things are horrible and have no place in any economic system.
Cobra Commander: You realize that you’d only make a product on selling anything if people bought it. Actually I’m not sure how you’re planning to make a massive product on food sales. Under the current economic system this insane country operates on all goods are sold for pre-fixed prices and at pre-fixed quantities. It doesn’t seem like there’s a market you could corner.
Hank Rearden: I’d be rich I tell you! Rich! If only it hadn’t been for the government trying to foolishly invest in soy beans, damned fools!
Cobra Commander: And… investing in soy was stupid because…
Hank Rearden: Because they had absolutely no idea how to harvest soy beans and did so incorrectly, in the face of even basic farming practices which seems like an odd character defect for the people I’m opposed against to have, since it makes it seem like they failed not for our ideological differences and more because they’re just all unintelligent. But it does proves that capitalism is the only way that things can be done properly, with rugged wheat farmers operating outside the law!
Cobra Commander: So… your argument is that socialism is bad, because socialists like soy beans but don’t know how to grow them.
Hank Rearden: I think it’s a pretty air tight argument myself.
Cobra Commander: Right like I was saying about scheduling an extended visit…