Quieting the Mind: Is Stillness Too Much to Expect?

When we moved to our acreage 14 years ago, one of the many surprises (right up there with the 1 a.m. howls of coyotes and the taste of well water) is that nature is in constant motion. This wasn’t total news to me—I just hadn’t witnessed it so completely before.

Growing up in town, I tended to see the changes in nature as broad strokes—bouquets of fresh-cut tulips that my mom carried in from the backyard or piles of leaves raked up and ready for jumping. I missed the small but telling details of a world in constant motion until I went walking in it every day and saw it stretch out in all directions from our windows.

The fields around our house, I learned, change moment by moment. Not only can they be brown one day and tinged with spring green the next. But the ever-changing tango of sunlight and clouds can transform them from tawny to purple to gray in a matter of minutes.

And the weeds. Oh, heavens, the weeds. In the time it took to make one revolution around the house, they grew another half inch and spread their broad leaves right into the personal space of the seedlings I’d just planted.

But of course this is the way. Life force energy doesn’t turn off and turn back on. “Solid” objects that seem impenetrable are aggregations of atoms that are constantly in motion.

And even when our bodies die, the molecules that carried our name busy themselves with decaying and taking a new place in the vast order of things.

So, why, really, should we ever expect our minds to be still?

This is one of the persistent frustrations I hear about meditation: “But I can’t get my mind to stop. I must be doing it wrong. Maybe there’s something I’m just not getting.”

And my response is, “Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s our expectations of what a quiet mind ‘should’ mean.”

People who practice meditation describe its focused state in different ways.

• It creates space in the mind.
• It can launch them into an out-of-body experience.
• It may send them into a state of bliss.
• It allows them to feel part of all that is.
• It makes them feel deeply relaxed.

All lovely. But even in that space and relaxation, the mind is not completely still. And I think that’s where we can get tripped up.

Now, just to be clear, I’m a huge proponent of sitting in quiet. I believe we open ourselves to the most important transformations of our lives when we bring ourselves to silence. And I can’t think of a phrase that’s more apropos than “the still, small voice.”

But what happens in that quiet is highly individual. Meditation can be a lot like that last minute before you fall asleep, when your mind is floating and you’re unaware of your pillow, your body or the gentle whirring of the air purifier in the corner.

But it can also prompt a mental boot camp as your insistent ego sends all the items on your To Do list marching across your field of vision, trying to convince you to give up on inner peace and go take a shower.

In other words, you’ll have the experiences you have. And until your practice becomes more routine, those experiences are likely to be unpredictable.

In my humble opinion, there is no one “right” way to quiet the mind, no ultimate state of stillness that earns you a meditation merit badge.

Having said that, here’s a trick I stumbled across:

When I do workshops about The Only Little Prayer You Need, I ask participants to sit in silence for three minutes and pay attention to their thoughts. They’re not to judge, censor or direct them—simply pay attention to what floats in.

When the three minutes are up, people often report that, when they’re looking for thoughts, they can’t find any. It’s the exact opposite of trying not to have thoughts and being bombarded by them.

Which is just more evidence of how contrary the ego can be, especially when you’re trying to Get It Right.

Like pretty much everything on a spiritual path—and in life in general—quieting your mind means finding what works for you without comparing, judging or engaging in meditation envy.

And that typically means making it as simple as possible. So, if you want to quiet your mind more often, here’s what I’d recommend:

• Sit down wherever you’re comfortable.
• Close your eyes.
• Put your feet on the floor.
• Relax your hands in your lap.
• Take three deep breaths and exhale them fully.
• Stay this way for 10 to 20 minutes.

That’s it. You can focus on a word or your breath…or not. You can let any sounds go…or not. You can visualize your thoughts floating down a stream…or not.

The point is, allow yourself and your mind to be. That’s all. And know that your mind will keep going. Thoughts will keep showing up. The dance of sun and clouds will shift during those 10 to 20 minutes and cast different degrees of light and shadow across your being.

And you will keep changing and vibrating, just as everything in this magnificent universe is meant to do.