O That I Were An Angel — To Have a Voice and Be Visible

I love having friends that share their scripture study insights!  I love learning from new perspectives.  Roxy Kimokeo shared another gem about one of my very favorite verses of scripture—O that I were an angel.  I loved pondering about my desire to hide and shrink versus my desire to stand forth boldly like Alma does.

In my study last week I was thinking a lot about when Alma says “O that I were an angel” (anytime someone begins a sentence with “O,” my heart flutters because it’s a real plea from the na’au) and then he says “and could have the wish of mine heart that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth and cry repentance…”

And I kept thinking how strikingly different that was from when he was first visited by an angel and was struck dumb and couldn’t move at all. In Alma 36:15 he says “Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body.”

Such a miraculous change right?

Then I thought, when he was feeling terribly, he could not speak and wanted to disappear, but now that he knows the joy of salvation, he wants to be seen and his voice to be heard by everyone so much that the earth shakes!

And then I remembered my own, much smaller-scaled experiences and could see exactly how he felt. When I feel like I’m in darkness, it is so hard to speak or even to type words in a text. It is such a big thing to push myself to reply to someone or to say even a few words. Something happens to take my confidence and joy and strength away. And it’s like my birds are chained and muzzled and so sad they just can’t even open their mouths to sing anymore. Satan wants us to either lie and deceive or be silent.

But when I finally break through those cloudy days and feel my spirit soar again, my joy and courage return, and I do feel as though I could sing! My heart fills with so much gratitude and love to my Saviour that my whole soul feels as though it’s vibrating (or “shaking”) with love and faith and nothing can stop me from flying above the earth and joining with all of creation (especially the birds who herald His goodness with the rising of every morning sun) in singing praises to Him and worshiping and testifying of Him.

And that is what Christ wants for us. He wants us to rise again, and to try again, and to open our mouths to share goodness and life and to help save as many of those of our fellow divine siblings as we can.

And being shaken by the power of the Holy Ghost is so different depending on our foundation! If we are far from His voice and not familiar with hearing Him, then when we do hear, we tremble because our foundation is faulty and weak. As we read, we are not supported in our sin.

 But when we desire to repent and turn our hearts to Him, we become familiar with His voice and His spirit, and the “shaking” as we are guided to change and be lifted higher, is like removing all the air bubbles in cement before it’s allowed to become firm and to set with no flaws.

Little by little we are used to it and become stronger and able to bear it until we no longer desire to become extinct, but to be like Gabriel, “that stand(s) in the presence of God (can you imagine being able to stand in His presence? Knowing He sees all of you? I’ve only ever thought about bowing at His feet but to stand??) sent to speak…and shew glad tidings” (Luke 1:19.)

The change! From wanting to hide to being so filled with faith and hope and joy and love that not only can you stand but you can SOAR! And sing, and declare as a trumpet! That kind of confidence only comes from knowing we are forgiven and clean and saved and that we are His.

Having that peace in our hearts quiets fears and we trust His foundation enough to stand and declare true conversion that surpasses all doubt and darkness.  Being filled with His light and love lifts us higher to be able to do all the good we can, to love as much as we can, and to scatter sunshine and joy as far as we can, for as long as the ripples through time will carry them.