Sharing powerful thoughts about ways we judge ourselves, Raquel Cruz pointedly asks us to throw out comparisons to others and to see ourselves through the lens of the Savior’s Atonement and Heavenly Father’s unfailing love when we wonder, “Am I good enough?”
Am I Good Enough? By Raquel Cruz
I attended BYU-Idaho as an undergrad, and I had a religion professor who started class by asking us to raise our hands if we thought that we would make it to the celestial kingdom or what we believe to be a Heavenly place where we can live with our families and our Heavenly Parents and Savior for eternity.
There were some mixed reactions, but for the most part everyone was pretty hesitant to raise their hands. I think some of us wondered if it was a trick question. Some people looked around unsure of what to do, some people kind of halfway raised their hands, some people raised their hands only to quickly put them back down again, and some didn’t move at all.
My professor then asked a question that I will never forget. He said, “Brothers and sisters, if you aren’t going to the celestial kingdom, then who is?”
I have often thought about that moment and the question he posed. It’s something I wrote down and have often gone back to throughout my life, especially during those times when I have felt inadequate.
Am I Good Enough?
In a talk titled “Am I Good Enough, Will I make it?” by Elder J. Devn Cornish of the Seventy, he says,
As with my own experience, our members often ask, “Am I good enough as a person?” or “Will I really make it to the celestial kingdom?
I personally can think of many times in my life when I have asked the question, “Am I good enough?”
I remember asking it as a youth, struggling to survive high school, wondering if it was possible to fit in and have friends while also standing for what was right, feeling like I was constantly making mistakes, and enduring some of the most difficult trials of my life. Am I good enough?
I remember asking it as a college student, overwhelmed with my school responsibilities, working to strengthen and in many ways gain my own testimony of the gospel, and dodging the never-ending question of why I wasn’t married yet as a senior in college. Am I good enough?
I remember asking it as a new wife. Making new sacred covenants in the temple, filled with love for my husband and praying daily that our marriage would be successful, juggling working full-time, school, and learning how to live together as a couple. Am I good enough?
I ask it all of the time when it comes to my job. The therapeutic term for it is imposter syndrome and I am well acquainted with that syndrome. Am I really helping people? Am I capable of doing this work well? Am I making a difference? Am I good enough?
I ask it daily as a mom. Overwhelmed with the love I have for my children. Questioning whether I’m teaching them everything they need to know. Hoping that they feel how much I love them while praying that I’m not failing completely at this difficult and amazing job. Am I good enough?
Never ___(blank)___ enough
I’ve read about this fear of not being enough in a book called Daring Greatly. The author is a researcher named Brene Brown, and she referred to it as scarcity. She talks about giving people the phrase, “Never __(blank)___ enough,” and asking them to fill in the blank with words they perceive as describing them. The bad news is that people are always quick to fill in the blank, and rarely have a hard time coming up with a long list of different possibilities.
Never good enough
Never perfect enough
Never thin enough
Never happy enough
Never powerful enough
Never successful enough
Never smart enough
Never spiritual enough
Never righteous enough
Never talented enough
She goes on to talk about how this fear of lacking often becomes more powerful and begins to take hold in our lives as we compare ourselves to others and what they have.
Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others
Elder Cornish admonishes us:
Sometimes when we attend church, we become discouraged even by sincere invitations to improve ourselves. We think silently, “I can’t do all these things” or “I will never be as good as all these people.… Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others.
If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future. The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and correct but never discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.
That last line is my favorite.
Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and correct but NEVER discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.
I KNOW that that is true.
I think that we as members of the Church can be especially hard on ourselves. We can easily find ourselves asking the question “Am I good enough?” when it comes to our callings, our testimonies, our obedience, our ministering, our temple attendance, our prayer and scripture study habits, and our fellowship.
There is a principle of worthiness in our church because God has worthiness standards for His kingdom. Because of that, we have to answer to standards of worthiness when it comes to participating in ordinances of the gospel, BUT that is not the same thing as being a worthy human being who is worthy of all the love that our Heavenly Father has to offer. That love is automatically yours.
In my life when I have struggled with questions and feelings of inadequacy, the Lord has always lifted me up rather than kicking me down.
Even when I have been at my absolute worst, I have felt my Heavenly Father reach down and help me up. He has always encouraged me. He HAS corrected me and shown me my weaknesses, but he has always loved me FIRST.
One Thing
Recently, I have started praying when I’m driving in my car. Mostly to and from work when there aren’t four kids in my car, screaming and singing. I noticed that as I was praying to Heavenly Father, I would start to get overwhelmed because it would sound something like this…
“Heavenly Father please help me to be a better mom and a better wife, help me to be better at reaching out to people, please help me to bless my clients’ lives and know how to help them. Help me to be better at prayer and scripture study, help me to be better at my calling and know how to reach those I serve, please help me to be a better friend…” and the list would go on and on. And by the end of my prayer, I would feel so overwhelmed by the areas of my life that I felt like I needed to improve. And I knew those weren’t bad things to pray for right? I knew they were important but I had the impression to say less and listen more. So I started to simplify my prayers and started to just say “What is one small thing I can do today to be better or to help someone?” And then just listen.
And I testify that if we will quiet our own thoughts and feelings of unworthiness and leave that space open for God to fill that it will not be filled with discouraging thoughts, but with love and grace and encouragement. I have experienced the power of that, and I am so grateful for His love for me despite my imperfections.
Satan wants us to be discouraged, but the Lord is always rooting for us to succeed, and the good news is that we WILL succeed.
Elder Cornish teaches:
Of course, there is no such thing as “being good enough.” None of us could ever “earn” or “deserve” our salvation, but it is normal to wonder if we are acceptable before the Lord, which is how I understand these questions…
Let me be direct and clear. The answers to the questions “Am I good enough?” and “Will I make it?” are “Yes! You are going to be good enough” and “Yes, you are going to make it as long as you keep repenting and do not rationalize or rebel.”
You Cannot Fall Outside of the Lord’s Love
The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the key to our success, the key to us being good enough, and the key to us making it to the celestial kingdom. We must be willing to repent of our sins and keep trying to be better.
We have a Heavenly Father who loves us perfectly. He wants us to return to live with Him, He gave His only Begotten Son so that we could be saved and return to live with Him.
One of the most important things that my parents taught me is that there is nothing I can do to fall outside of the Lord’s love. I have felt that in my life and can testify that it is true. While I know that at times it can seem difficult to live the gospel, it doesn’t have to be! If we will stay close to the Lord, utilize the Atonement in our lives, and keep doing those things that help us progress, the gospel will change us and it will get easier.
I want to share one of my favorite quotes. I just love it.
Dieter F Uchtdorf said:
Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.
What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us.
Am I Good Enough?
Brothers and sisters, you who are here spending your Sabbath day at church, you who are choosing to show up in the midst of the difficult trials you are facing, you who are wrestling your young children for two hours every week in hopes that the Spirit will teach you something in the quiet moments in between, you who are lonely and find yourself waiting on the Lord, you who are making the decision to give two years of your life to the Lord to serve a mission, you who are partaking of the sacrament and renewing your covenants, you who are repenting of your mistakes and promising to try harder, you who are faithfully keeping the Lord’s commandments despite the battlefield you face every day at school, you who are serving countless hours in your callings, you who are attending the temple faithfully, if you aren’t going to the celestial kingdom, then who is?
Don’t let questions of whether you’re good enough take you out of the game. Keep trying, utilizing the Atonement in your life, and staying close to the Lord. He loves you unconditionally and will tell you of your great worth, all you have to do is ask Him.
I hope that you will feel the power of His all-consuming love for you and that it will quiet any of your fears of not being good enough. Even if you are in the midst of making your greatest mistakes, you are worthy of that love. I know that that is true.
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