In my first post in this series, I began with a lunch encounter I recently had with the President of the Seminary where I teach. I mentioned that I wondered if my confession that my wife and I were not currently attending church might cost me my teaching position at the Seminary.
My consternation derived partly from the reality that many Christians do not know what to do with those who are not in a local church at the moment—perhaps you are wondering if you should even continue to read this post. The assumption may be that such people are out of line with the church (i.e., in sin) and should be disciplined. After all, we certainly do not practice one of the fundamental components of being a Christian—namely, attending church.
Before I respond to this in full—which will take me several posts—allow me to note that my wife and I are not attending a church currently, not because we don’t want to. We do crave the community that the church provides. We recognize that following Christ is not an independent exercise and that we need one another. We value the relationships that come from the community.
So, why aren’t we going? Well, it’s complicated. And while I could probably write a one-sentence answer, I don’t want to do that for many reasons (I’ll try to explain in a future post).
My story began a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
NB: I think it is important for you to hear my journey of deconstruction/reconstruction—even though I am very leery of being too vulnerable. I hope that by doing so, others who have been/are on a similar journey may find some encouragement.
My story of deconstruction/reconstruction began when I was very young. I became a follower of Christ in a Baptist Church in my hometown when I was about 8 years old. My parents had recently divorced, and my mom was struggling to raise 3 active (that is a nice way of saying it) boys on her own.
She decided that we should go “back to church.” Of course, I did not know what “back to church” meant since I did not recall ever going to church.
My Baptist Church’s Annual Revivals
After a few years of attending our Baptist Church, however—I was only 7 when we first started going—I began noticing a trend. Every year, I believe it was early in the year (February, perhaps), our church would have a “Revival.” The Revival would begin on Sunday night and continue for the next three nights (Monday through Wednesday).
It was a great time. The church would bring in an evangelist who would preach an inspirational message of hellfire and brimstone, and everyone would leave “on fire” for Christ.
This happened several years in a row.
But then, I began to notice—mind you, I was maybe 9 or 10 at this time—that every year the same cycle would recur. For the whole month of February leading up to the event, everyone would be excited—we Baptists had to make sure we were excited before the event so we could invite everyone we knew with the hope that they might get saved.
Of course, the excitement ran through the event. I noticed, however, that by sometime in March, most everyone was back to where they had been before the event. The fire hadn’t just dwindled; it was as if it had been extinguished. And little seemed to have changed.
As I look back on those years, I realize that even then, 20+ years ago (okay, maybe it was more like 30+, okay 40+, alright, it was almost 50 years ago—oh my goodness, am I that old?) I was beginning to question things.
Yancey’s The Jesus I Never Knew
In 1995, Philip Yancey, a prominent author at this point, though I recall that we were not supposed to listen to people like him because he was too liberal, published his book, The Jesus I Never Knew. Shortly after it was released, I picked up a copy and read it.
As I read his book, several things struck me.
For one, although I could see why my fundamentalist upbringing counted Yancey among the liberals, I was deeply affected by what appeared to be a genuine desire within Yancey to know and follow Jesus. Liberal or not, his heart seemed right, and I was moved by that.
Also, I was convinced that Yancey was right when he argued that the Jesus we see in the Gospels was not the Jesus that we had been told about. You must understand that by 1995 or 1996, I had already completed a Master’s Degree in Philosophy/Apologetics from a Christian Seminary and had been teaching in Christian education for the past six years. Yet, it was as though I was learning about Jesus for the first time.
Yancey was one of the first to point out to me that the biblical Jesus cared about the poor and the marginalized. He cared about humility and sacrificial love. And that Jesus was calling us to a radical, upside-down kingdom sort of living. And I wondered as Yancey did, “Why hadn’t I ever been told about this Jesus before?”
Now, it is possible that some tried to tell me about this Jesus, but I didn’t hear.
But, even if this was true, could it be that I didn’t hear them because the other voices were too loud? What other voices were those? Some voices told me that all that mattered was being saved and going to heaven. And others told me that, as horrible as slavery was, at least many of the enslaved people found Jesus.
I was beginning to learn about a different Jesus, and as the hymn we regularly sang during our weekly altar calls says, there was for me, “No turning back. Though none go with me, I still will follow. No turning back. No turning back.”
. . . to be continued.
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