As both a social researcher who has interviewed and surveyed thousands of boys and a mom of a son, I’ve seen three common – and very harmful –things boys tend to believe about themselves. Mom and Dad, keep an eye out, so you can knock down this nonsense whenever it rears its ugly head! 1. “I’m stupid.” They may not say it out loud, but this thought is very common among boys. There’s a sneaky reason that boys are... Read more
My sweet mother-in-law went to be with Jesus last night. We are grieving, but we are also so grateful for how Roberta Feldhahn graced this earth for 90 years. We are also praying for Jeff’s sweet dad, who is so missing his bride of 65 years. In honor of Jeff’s mom and dad, and in their own words, here are three key reasons for their long and joyful marriage. These are drawn from an interview I did with them a... Read more
Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. In Secret #5 to a highly happy marriage, author Shaunti Feldhahn explains how happy couples talk themselves out of being mad – they actually change their feelings by choosing to stop a train of thought that could cause a conflict to spiral unnecessarily. Secret... Read more
The funniest movie moment I saw last summer comes at the very end of Inside Out, as the main preteen girl character talks to a preteen boy at a hockey rink. We’ve been seeing inside her head the whole movie, but instantly the camera zooms out of her brain and into his…. where his mental control room is suddenly in chaos. The warning lights flash “GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!” and everything in his mind seizes up or turns somersaults. My 12-year-old son saw... Read more
Last week, I posted an article, “Why not take the test drive? The case against cohabitation,” on the unseen dangers of cohabitation before marriage. (As a recap: research shows that couples who live together without being engaged have a greater chance of divorce if they do get married; cohabitation increases the chances of ignoring red flags and “sliding” into marriage as a default instead of starting from a firm commitment.) Wow, did I get a lot of – um –“feedback” after that... Read more
I’m a pastor who works with young couples. As you know, most people live together before they get married and I can’t figure out how to talk to them about it. I know from scripture that it’s a bad idea, but couples always ask “But why?” To them, it just seems logical to try out a live-in relationship before committing to it for life. The classic argument is, “If you wouldn’t buy a car without test-driving it, why on earth would you not test-drive a marriage – which is far more important?” I know from experience with counseling many couples that it is a bad idea, but I need more than just my experience. I’m a bit of a policy wonk, but I simply don’t have time to sift through the information out there to figure out what’s real and helpful. Is there any solid research on this? Read more
Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Most of us just naturally remember the ‘wrongs’ against us, but highly happy couples intentionally focus more on the ‘rights’ our spouse demonstrates toward us. Secret #4 to a Highly Happy Marriage: Keep Score from Shaunti Feldhahn on Vimeo. Wish Shaunti could speak at... Read more
Ladies, if there were a reality TV show like “What NOT to Wear,” but for relationships, these three things would be at the top of the list for “What NOT to say to your man.” Now, don’t get me wrong; I’ve actually said all these things at one point! You’ve probably said them, too. And you probably also saw the same thing I did: it never works out so well. Why? In research with thousands of men I learned these hurt far more than your man (or your son!) will ever let on. So let’s agree to put these on our no-no list. Read more
Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. In an attempt to ‘not let the sun go down on your anger’ many of us have attempted to resolve a conflict into the wee hours of the morning, resulting in saying things we didn’t really mean because we were too tired and just... Read more
Men, finish this sentence. Your wife is upset and says “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to ____.” Most of you have heard that… and most of you are confused because you think you are listening! So, guys, from our research about women here are 3 simple tips to clear up the confusion so you can listen in the way your wife is looking for. Realize: what is most important right now is not what... Read more
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