Blending Your StepFamily: Wise or Foolish Builder?

Blending Your StepFamily: Wise or Foolish Builder? May 7, 2014

Let’s talk about shared spirituality today and it’s relevance to stepfamilies and couples.  Couples who share common spiritual beliefs show a significant increase in the success of their marriage vs. those who do not have spiritual agreement.  One study, lasting 25 years and including couples from all 50 states as well as 27 other countries, revealed that those couple’s that enjoy close spiritual intimacy report significantly happier marriages.  These areas were included in the study and each area was dramatically better with spiritual unity:  Communication was shown to be better, conflict resolution was higher, the sexual relationship was stronger, couple closeness was significantly better with the common spiritual beliefs group averaging 71 to a significantly lower number of 31 for the non spiritual group.  Every area was improved including leisure activities, family and friend relationships, couple flexibility and overall marriage satisfaction.

I can testify that these statistics seem very accurate due to my experience in my own life.  In my first marriage, we did not include God at all.  We never prayed together, didn’t go to church, and didn’t have any Christian friends.  One day I was invited to a Bible Study.  I decided to go as my life, our marriage and our life together was not at all what I had hoped for.  We had only been married about 12 months but I was very unhappy.  My husband was an alcoholic, I came to realize, and his life revolved around his drink. The problem was that the more he drank, the angrier he became.  He would lash out at me even when he was mad at someone else.  But it was during that marriage when I was so unhappy and hurting that I called out to God and I found Him.  Through the Bible Study I began to learn more about the Lord and His goodness and I began developing my own relationship with Him as I read the Word and prayed.  But my husband had no interest in God at all.  He wanted to continue to live life on his terms and his own way and he became more angry and abusive.

Now with my second marriage, we included God from the beginning.  As a matter of fact, our marriage is built on Christ and He is our firm foundation.  I know with all of the difficulties we have endured with our blended family, we would not have made it had we not had the Lord to lean on and walk with.  When we married, there were no tools to guide us and we certainly did not know what we were doing.  We didn’t know how to blend a family.  We assumed wrongly that stepfamilies work the same as first families.  What a shock when were realized how wrong we were.  But we didn’t have any help, no one was talking about blended families then and if there were any books about how to blend, we didn’t come across them.  So we were in the dark groping our way through trying to make our family work as best we could.  But the point is, had we not had spiritual unity I truly believe we would have called it quits.  So the foundation upon which we build our lives is very important.

There is no stronger foundation than the one built on Christ.  Jesus talks about the wise and foolish builders in Luke 6:46.  One man dug down deep and built his house on the firm foundation of rock.  Another man built his house without a foundation.  The torrents came and hit both homes but the one built on the Rock remained.  Difficult times come to everyone, believer or not.  So the secret to remaining strong and getting back up when life throws you a massive curve ball, is the foundation that you are building upon.  Is your foundation built on what you think is best or on your desires or is it on the foundation of Christ and His Word?  Are you putting the Word into practice?  Are you obedient to Christ?  If so, your chance for a healthier more fulfilling marriage goes way up.

If you haven’t included God in your marriage up to this point, there is no time like the present to start.  He will gladly help you as you choose to build your house upon the Rock, upon His truth, actually upon Him.

Should you need some guidance in building your foundation, I am available at  Sometimes we just need someone to come alongside of us for a while and help us to get that jump-start.

I would also love to hear from those who are building your lives and marriage upon Christ.  Maybe at one time you didn’t walk with God but now you are, I would enjoy hearing about how He has made a difference in your family.  I love hearing your stories.

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

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