From Pam Rohr, author of Blended but not Broken – Hope and Encouragement for Blended Families:
They say that blood is thicker than water meaning that blood family ties are stronger than other ties. Janet loved her stepson, James, as her own. His birth mom had been in and out of his life, more out than in. And when she did come around, she showed little attention to his interests. She rarely attended a game, was not involved in his schooling; she was more about herself than her son.
Janet was as committed to James as to her own birth kids. When she married James’ father, she determined she would give him a piece of her heart that is only reserved for her kids.
She felt on the outs whenever his birth mom would come around. James was always so happy to see her, he had such big hopes for their relationship. He looked forward to their time together, which is natural. But Janet felt like the birth mom got all the props while she did all the work. After all, she was the one that had been there when he fell down and needed mending and a hug. She sat in the stands rooting him on. She carted him around town and to school, she was the one taking pictures when he went on his first date and it was her car he used to learn how to drive.
But when his birth mom came around, it seemed like Janet took a second seat.
James loves both of his moms and even though a biological parent may be absent and even selfish, children love them. I believe that is a gift God gave to parents, that He put it inside of children to love their parents. Now of course, this can be damaged by the parents over time, but at least while they are young, they just seem to love their parents.
Blood is very thick and in the stepfamily relationship, when a child believes he is loved and committed to, and is important, the child will form a bond that becomes very thick as well.
I had always thought about what our adopted son would do at his wedding, whether he would dance with me first or his birth mom. When we adopted Nelson, my brother who was a single full-time dad, had just died. Nelson’s birth mom chose not to take him but she was raising his half-brother. This hurt Nelson to the core. But we were very happy to bring him into our family. Nelson and his mother did have some visitations but not regularly. She came in and out of his life. But in my husband and my hearts, Nelson became our boy. He asked us if he could call us mom and dad and of course we said yes.
When Nelson grew up, I would ponder in my heart what he would do on his wedding day; who would he want to dance with first for the mother/son dance. I hoped he would want to dance with me first because I felt like his mom. I was devoted to him and I had poured so much into him. But I never said a word – that was his choice and his decision to make.
Now we get to the good part: On his wedding day, he gave my husband and I the seat of honor. And he danced with me first. It was a reward that blessed my heart so deeply. And the song he picked out for us to dance to was beautiful and sentimental. The hard work and commitment was rewarded on that day. It’s a memory I still treasure.
So blood is very thick but commitment and love can penetrate a heart to bring about some “thickness” as well.
We all can be welcomed into God’s family through the blood of His Dear Son. When Jesus blood is applied to our lives for the redemption of our sins, we become part of God’s family. His blood may not be coursing through our veins but we can be just as much a part of His family as His Only Begotten Son because of what He did at the cross for us. So we are grafted into His family, in the same way, let us work to graft those given to us in step relationships into our hearts and families.
Until next time, please check out my website www.nouveaulifecoaching.com, and God bless you as you blend your stepfamily.
For more encouraging and engaging podcasts and videos, visit the E-Squared Media Network at www.e2medianetwork.com.