From Pam Rohr, author of Blended but not Broken – Hope and Encouragement for Blended Families:
We recently discussed what resentment is and how it can occur between a stepparent and their stepchild. Today, let’s talk about resentment towards your partner.
Here’s a few of triggers that COULD cause resentment to grow in the couples relationship:
- You feel your partner has let you down or is not meeting your needs: You may feel your spouse is more concerned with their children than they are you. You feel last in the family but you know your rightful place is beside your partner. You feel less important than the kids.
- You think your partner has been too harsh with your own children or not supportive of them. This is a huge deal in stepfamilies and can cause major rifts. There’s nothing like seeing your spouse love your children, it causes your respect, love and admiration go sky high for your spouse. If this problem is not dealt with, it could cause the couple relationship to have serious difficulties.
- Money Issues~Maybe you feel your spouse spends more on their kids than yours and you feel it should be somewhat even.
- Intimacy~You feel because of the kids, there is never time alone and your spouse seems just fine with that.
- Favoritism~Your spouse always siding with their child even though they are clearly wrong at least once in a while.
If you are feeling resentment toward your spouse for these issues or another one, please take the time to deal with it. A SEED LEFT UNATTENDED, EVEN IF IT’S IGNORED, WILL STILL BE THERE AND IT WILL AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP SOMEHOW.
- Let your partner knowyou would like to discuss the issue to put closure to it. For example: “I really want to move on from this and I need your help. Can we talk about … (the issue) to help me put it to rest.”
- Choose timing carefullywhen you’re both not tired or distracted and begin with prayer.
- Discuss how the incident made you feel. Don’t attack or blame your partner. Use the “When … happened I felt…”. Keep the issue about how you feel and what you need.
- Explain what you need them to do nowso you can move forward rather than complaining about what they’ve done wrong.
- Ask for their feedback.Be open to their perspective. Take the attitude spouse that we are a team trying to resolve a problem together for the good of our family.
SHOULD you need help in conquering resentment in your family, I am available to help at nouveaulifecoaching.com. Until next time may God bless you as you blend your stepfamily.
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