Blending Your Stepfamily: Love Your Abuser?

Blending Your Stepfamily: Love Your Abuser? April 22, 2015

Christian teaching about church relationships, men and women relationships, parent and child relationships within blended families

From Pam Rohr, author of Blended but not Broken – Hope and Encouragement for Blended Families:

There are different reasons why each of us are in Blended Families.  The reason for me is because my ex-husband was an abuser – physically, mentally and emotionally.  But it was also during that period, that I found the best thing that ever happened to me:  the Lord Jesus Christ.  God can bring good out of any bad situation.  Because of God’s great grace and mercy, today I would just like to share some recent events with you.  My ex-husband was diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks ago.  They gave him maybe three months.

Instead, he went home to be with the Lord after less than a month with the disease.

He had been estranged from our son and grandson.  His siblings were also estranged, but our son called them to let them know about his father’s condition.  They felt bad. They love their brother.

The abuse he showered on me while we were married was transferred to others close to him.  However, when our son was little, my ex did not abuse him.  It was when our son became a man that this started to happen.  Not physically, but verbally and emotionally.  For some reason, he couldn’t find a thing nice to say to him even though I and my current husband are very proud of our son.  But if you don’t have encouragement inside of you to give, you just can’t give it.

Kent had an anger problem and was abusive not only verbally but physically.  He was an alcoholic (although he had been sober for the past several years).  He alienated the people he loved most with this type of behavior.

To be clear, I am not trying to put him down in any way, I’m trying to explain a little of what was going on. 

I forgave him many years ago.  I have no animosity toward him at all.  Well, I would at times when I would hear of the verbal and emotional abuse directed at our son ~ I just couldn’t understand how he could talk to him that way especially since our son is doing well and doing a fine job of raising his son alone full time as a single father.

You see, abusers want control over their victims.  They use violence and aggression to gain that control.

When Kent took his turn for the worse, I told Keenan he needs to see his dad.  So, they spent a few hours together.

I came to say goodbye, I asked him what he’s most proud of in his life, he pointed to our son and grandson.  It was a complicated discussion, but I was reminded that Jesus is:

The Pure for the impure (that’s me, my ex, and all of us).

The Spotless one for the spotted

The Forgiver for all who need forgiveness

I have been forgiven so I can forgive, if I hadn’t forgiven Kent, I would never have gone to see him.

As it is written in John 3:16:

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.

We also need to give in remembrance of what the Father did for us by giving us His Son.  We need to give forgiveness, grace and mercy.

Kent received Christ’s forgiveness and confessed Jesus as Lord and his Savior.

Now, in another post, I am going to talk about domestic violence and abuse.  I am a victim of it, but I have been set free.  Now my ex, who was the abuser, is set free by the blood of the Lamb because Kent accepted Jesus’ sacrifice.

Lest you think that your sin is not as bad as an abuser and you don’t need a Savior, all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.  If one person could have lived through life without sinning, Jesus would not have needed to come.

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