The guys and I have unlocked life’s greatest mystery.
Men and women are confusing to one another. That’s just a truth about life. Women use the word “confused”, but men use words like mystery, enigma, conundrum, brain buster, mind crusher, and consciousness hydrogen bomb in high heels.
We just feel like we’re spinning around blindfolded and we don’t know what to do. Don’t get me wrong – we men find women wonderful… yet so confusing.
So, as I ask around, I have learned that women actually enjoy our reaction because it keeps us men on our toes. If men are continuously baffled… mission accomplished!
My point is that now my sons are looking to me to help them understand girls. But, even what I do know sounds completely backwards when I try to explain it to them.
“Dad, these girls at school are giggling at me. They call me names and they take my stuff!”
“Well, son… that means they like you.”
“What???? How stupid do you think I am, Dad?!”
“No, Son, it’s true… if they didn’t like you they would treat you respectfully.”
No matter how accurate this may be, what kind of a relationship strategy is my middle schooler supposed to come up with based on this kind of information?
“Dad, I think another girl wants to marry me. She hit me with a chair during math class!”
“Isn’t romance fun, Son?!”
And it never gets any less confusing, even in marriage.
Why do women want to pick out our outfits? Why do they want to dress us? Are we giant Ken dolls?
And why do women, when designing their own clothing, create items that are nearly impossible to zip and button by themselves? Apparently buttons and zippers in the front of clothing are not challenging enough. Which only proves that a man invented the shoes. Because the laces of a shoe are on top of the shoe, easily facing the person wearing said shoe. If a woman had designed it, the laces would be underneath or inside of the shoe.
The key to remember is this:
There are three things all men need to know about women, and nobody knows any of them.
Next, my dear friend Anita Renfroe joins the show to talk about the secret to her and her husband’s happy marriage. After 34 years, Anita’s devoted husband has figured out her secret: Bring Her Stuff In The Morning.
If he simply gets her coffee, and maybe a little breakfast, then by around noon, everything comes online and Anita will be super productive and happy for the rest of the day.
All those people who accomplish things before the clock strikes noon just annoy Anita. She doesn’t get how they cannot understand the longevity of pajamas. They don’t need to be taken off at 6:00am. Pajamas and their wearer can live very happily long into the day, if just given a chance!
The way Anita sees it, if you’re getting dressed before noon, that is just a sign that you are heading to a job that you hate.
This leads to Shejammygans, a new talk show Anita will be hosting, beginning March 1st! Shejammygans is a not-so-late night talk show where Anita will be in her pjs, her guests are going to be in theirs and they want YOU to be in YOURS. Get ready for an hour of laughs, conversations, topics you love to talk about and just plain fun. Anita’s ultimate goal would be to gather all of her nationwide audience together in her living room, not have to change out of her pajamas and stop touring, yet still be able to entertain and interact with people who like to laugh.
The trick will be getting her guests who don’t typically wear pajamas to somehow cover up with something creative.
Finally, my good friend and comedy genius John Branyan calls in to complain about TV commercials. John is not only incredibly smart and incredibly funny, but he loves board games – not for the mental exercise, but for the social interaction.
You see, unlike most comedians, John likes being with people… well, some people.
For instance, Radio People bug John. Whether it’s in the radio station’s print material, or TV ads, or on the airwaves themselves, every contemporary radio station is a “Hit” station, “playing the hits” – sometimes it’s today’s hits, or hits of the 50’s & 60’s, or even tomorrow’s hits.
But, is this really necessary?
As John puts it, if they weren’t playing “hits” of some sort, no one would listen. I mean, if it’s not a hit, it music no one actually likes, right?
Then there are the people who run TV stations. John says it best: the whole point of television shows is the commercials. He could watch a movie on DVD, but then he wouldn’t be interrupted every fifteen minutes and dutifully informed of his legal options should he fall victim of a work related injury.
It’s unbelievable how many commercials have the same message:
“Have you suffered in any way whatsoever? Well, then it’s gotta be somebody else’s fault. Call us now and we’ll help you destroy another human being’s life and make a huge profit for ourselves… so we can go make more of these commercials! I mean, there’s no earthly reason why we shouldn’t benefit from your suffering.”
Car commercials are no different. Think about it, companies like Ford, Chevy and Toyota think we need constant reminders that they exist among us. Where are the people fed up with walking everywhere they go and are considering buying a horse in order to travel from one city to another?