Family: So wow!

When someone asked me about my family, I thought: “So. Wow!”

Being at a loss for words is not usual for me. My temptation, trained into me by Pam Baker in tenth grade social studies, is to begin a five paragraph essay on any topic. This is good for school, but not so good for conversation. People rarely ask a question waiting for a five paragraph response.

So. Wow. I love my family, learn from them, and enjoy their company.

Fashion dictates we celebrate what is and not what should be. This has the benefit of allowing all of us to feel good and even normal, but it does not really help. When we have an ideal, we know where we are failing, but also where we have succeeded. Family was created by God before sin messed up everything.

God knew that even a perfect human should not be alone so God divided the first human and made man and woman. Whenever we see a male and female come together to create a new family, we see God’s ideal for humanity. Whatever other good relationships exist, this is fundamental.

If it is done well, as my parents did, and it proves a foundation for much that is good in a happy life and a path to redemption in a bad life. Done poorly, as happens all too often and being happy is harder.

What has my good (though imperfect) family taught me?

Good people are formed over time.

Mom and Dad are (I think) better people than when I first knew them. Partly this is because I am more mature, see with eyes of mercy, but also because they have made progress. They have not stopped growing in grace and knowledge. They are willing to change their minds.

Good families discuss everything, but not continuously.

This is part of “being willing to change our minds.” We talk about most everything. Eventually we find things where we might not agree, disagree, and those things are not often discussed. This is hard, but we know we disagree.

Good families always love, but do not always approve.

Like God, my parents have always loved me, taken me in when I have failed, but they have never approved of bad things I have done. They will not approve what God says is sin, even if it hurts them to disagree. This is an example I try to follow: loving my family always, approving when I can, and disapproving gently when I must.

Most of all I try to draw my standards from what the church has understood God over the ages, in most places, in many nations. Dad and Mom taught me this way of looking at things . . .and I live by this rule or have ended up sorry when I have not!

Good families are intergenerational.

Pity the family that is not connected to more than two generations. We need each other. We also need the perspective that different ages, generations, and experiences give. My Dad knew the Depression and World War II. My adult children know the twenty-first century as natives, not guests. Every generation moves from the “kids table” to being part of adult conversation. I recall how hard a transition this was for me and watch my own adult children begin to move into the role of “conversational leaders.”

Roles change in a good family, but love does not.

Once Dad told me to do a thing and I did it. Now he shares wisdom when I ask him for advice. Once I told my children what to do and they did it. Now I ask them for advice! Roles and times change, people who gave care start receiving care, but love does not change.

Good families make me glad there is Paradise.

If there is one reason to hope for the City of God to come to Earth, it is the restoration of our good families. Those we have lost, and good-byes are multiplying as I grow older, will come again. We will know them in Paradise, because they will be themselves. Just as Jesus still has the wounds we gave Him on the Cross, so we will have the scars of living. They will help us recognize each other, quirks, idiosyncrasies, inside jokes, will abound with all the time in the world to ripen. We will not know everything, but we will never glory in ignorance. We will have all our foibles, we will be who we are, but the foibles will never become ugly.

A good family can carry on from generation to generation. My kids know the ways I have failed. May I keep the Reynolds family going for my time and leave a better name behind me. My Dad often says: “I wish I had been a better father.” I understand. I wish I had been a better son, father, and husband.  We can all aspire to do better than we have done: we can aspire to the normalcy of Heaven.