My dad once told me (as dads should) that it was harder to be a good winner than a good loser. This was hard to believe since winning was so much more pleasant that losing.
I started to understand what he meant the first soccer game I played in junior high school. We were a new school playing an established power. We were bad and they were good. They did not just beat us, they crushed us and kept scoring long after there was any need. Safe to say that nobody needs to win a soccer game by thirteen points, though I would not know, but I certainly know what it feels like to lose one.
Maybe the coach did not mean to run up the score, but his players certainly did not make it easier. Gloating is a dish best served in the face of the gloating person.
Losing made me tougher, so that was good. Sadly, the sting lasted, but I only partially learned about being a good winner from that not-very-life-shaking humiliation. I had to make my own mistakes, take one too many victory laps when just winning would have been enough, to learn.
Something can be so bad, say Nazism, that humbling the losers is necessary, but it is always a bit unseemly and dangerous to the victor. Mostly, when we are right, we have not triumphed over a Hitler, but a person as decent as we are (or even better!) who has been wrong.
There is nothing like putting your heart and soul in an idea, person, or cause only to discover they have let you down. The idea was flawed, the person not worth supporting, or the cause corrupted by greed. When the realization hits, the temptation for your friends to say: “I told you so” and have a dance over your disappointment is great. Fortunately, my friends have not been that way mostly.
They do not gloat when I am the goat and for that I am very grateful. Shouldn’t I do the same? Sometimes I end up right and then isn’t it time to broaden the tent? Shouldn’t we let people admit a mistake and say as little about it as we can?
Dad was right: being right can be harder than being wrong, but God helping me, once the fight is won, then I want to make allies out of enemies as often as we can. Usually our fights are nothing compared to what we have in common. There are Christians dying, children not getting good educations, and a crisis in the leadership of the Republic. People mess up, back wrong ideas, put their faith in frauds, but once admitted why bring it up again? In some cases trust might have to be rebuilt, but the effort is worth it.
Whether in political parties, churches, or families, reconciliation around the truth, even the truth we happened to see first, is the main thing. Once the prodigal comes home there is no need to for a weekly reminder that we told them they would end up eating swine food.
Being wrong is humbling, being right is humbling, because it happens to flawed me. To make an enemy an ally, a foe to a friend, a heated debate into a party, that is the goal of every Christian. We don’t build false alliances around lies, or concede to loutishness to avoid conflict, but when the truth is told or civility is restored, then let’s make sure the victory is celebrated by all of us.
It is virtue, wisdom, and truth that matters . . . and not so much who gets to it first. Thank God, since I am so often last to the party!
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