A Journey in Silence

This past week has been one of frustration and of mystery. The silence that was forced upon me, also opened me up to hearing a new visitor. I do not believe everything is a sign, but I do believe our Guides create certain situations to warn us, to get our attention, and things of that nature.

The Witch in the Woods

I am that witch – the one who lives deep in the woods. Nestled in a low lying valley in-between the tall hills. For my practice and inner peace it is fantastic – For my connections to the outside world, it can be a challenge at times. We only have one internet provider in the area and it always seems like a battle with them as far as stable service in concerned.

The past week has been one of those times with them. They have been working on the lines in the area, so service has virtually been non-existent. Popping on for an hour here and there. There is also the added issue of the dead zone when it comes to cell service because our valley lays so low between the hills. So this past week we have been virtually cut off from the outside world.

This is the dark side of being the witch in the woods. The curse to balance all the blessings I suppose.

Blessing in the Silence

As frustrating as these times are, they also give the blessing of silence. To slow down and be fully present in the now. No outside distractions. No constant in-coming messages to draw away our attention. No entertainment on screens or the tv to lose ourselves in.

Generally when these periods of silence happen, something profound also happens in my spiritual life. Is it my Guides creating those moments, or are They just taking full advantage of them, is a debate I will never really have any answer for. It also doesn’t matter either way – what matters is that they happen.

Creativity Springs in Darkness

I have taken full advantage of this time though. Cleaning, rearranging, and resetting all my altars and shrines.

I broke out my paints and created a whole new indoor Nisse village and shrine space for them in the house. I completely redid my working altar, getting prepared for the Death’s Emissary course (add link). I completed the work on converting an old mirror into my Ancestral Soul mirror, and testing out a new spirit communication tool I developed.

I am the type of person who is always working on something. Always several things on my plate, and creating order out of my chaos. I feel it is the only Capricorn trait I really carry – the insane work ethic side. My moon is half in Cap and Half in Aquarius so I end to see a mix of both sides but not all of them.

In the moments of silence though, my little creative monster inside is unleashed. Not focusing on “other work” or the community side of my practices, allows my artsy side to have free reign. To feel free to breathe, explore, and create without the influences of the world.

The Visitor

Silence, real silence, also brings me to a place of calm. I am not focused on what needs to be done, but welcome it as a moment of personal freedom. I know to some that may sound strange. It is also not like I do not create my own silent moments, but this type of silence is different for me. This silence also tends to bring some new elements and discoveries in my spiritual/ magical practices.

This time though, was something I never expected.

It Starts with a Deck

Right before all this happened, I got the urge to look for another tarot deck. I am not a huge collector of them and when I do get one I generally have a specific purpose I want to use it for. Now that doesn’t mean my Guides don’t have Their own ideas for it, but it is generally not the reason that gets me looking for a tool in the first place. I have digressed though – The point of looking for a new tarot deck was to find one specifically designed for Death.

The artwork of a deck is extremely important to me and what draws me to certain decks. I am also extremely picky when it comes to the art – which is probably why I have so few. Anyway the hunt for a death themed deck was much harder than I expected.

The first deck I saw was the Santa Muerte deck. I absolutely loved the art! All the bright colors, joyful images, and the various design elements of the skeletons in different suits was just amazing. The attention to detail was fantastic. However it felt very specific to Santa Muerte and that culture and so I hesitated. My idea for getting a new deck was for something specific and this would not work for that.

So I continued to hunt. Scouring the internet, looking at various decks, pictures of them, videos on them – and I found nothing that called to me. Nothing that gave me that feeling when I picked all my other decks. The thought that kept flowing back was the Santa Muerte deck. The joy, beauty, and this intense draw to it that I hadn’t felt since my very first deck.

Then I started rationalizing it to myself. Perhaps I could alter the death card slightly to make it work – because it was specifically named “Santa Muerte” and I do not work with Her or have connection to Her. I am used to altering tools in order to make them into what I need (statue link), so this kind of thinking is nothing new. This felt different though, like there would be none of that happening, but I ignored that little voice and buried it down.

A Moment Here and There

I spent a few more days of debating all my reservations of getting that particular deck. There was reason here why it had to be that deck, even if I didn’t know what it was. That intense feeling just kept growing stronger and gnawing at me.

As that was happening, our internet started flaking. Getting an hour here and there where it would work (barely but you could do low key things). I used the spotty internet to pull up web pages, blog posts, and videos to load on my browser so I could read/watch them when the internet flaked out again.

I knew bits and pieces of surface level info on Santa Muerte, but nothing I would consider concrete. I am a researcher, and need more than just mainstream stereotyping and a few opinions. I had no intention of connecting to Santa Muerte, but if I was going to alter a tool, I needed a deeper understanding of the culture surrounding Her. Not just the culture of the people, which I felt I had a decent foundation in – but the culture around Her specifically. Even if I was not planning on using the tool in that way, I feel it was a needed process of respect that I had to go through before I could consider proceeding with this.

Follow the Feeling

In those few days I was not just consuming information, I was being consumed by that intense feeling. Then the dreams and visions started.

Firstly -I have always loved the way Hispanic culture has so much color, beauty, love, and joyful celebration around Death. It has always been an inspiration on my own views, because that is how I experience and see Death. Not as something dark, sad, dreary, and to avoid as many other western cultures portray it, but just another turning, celebrating the life that was and the next they are journeying to, and the love that surrounds it all.

The deeper I went into the research, the more intense that feeling of being drawn in became. The images of Her statues lingered in my mind – Not the mainstream ones, but the ones created from skeletons and dressed in real cloth robes, cloaks, and dresses. Ones I had experienced and seen when we lived on the border in California, the ones I loved to look at in documentaries and photographs.

I knew at this point there was something here – not in the way of something to discover, but an actual presence that was getting stronger. I’ll be honest – this created a lot of unease. Not the presence itself, but because it was Her. To me, Santa Muerte – this specific Deity of Death – is deeply developed from and entrenched into one culture of people. We could say this for all Deity, and it is hard to explain, but this just feels different for me.

I tried to get into other things – hence all the creative works and redesigns, but this feeling and presence was relentless. So I finally just sat in my silence.

I sat with this presence in silence, just feeling, and listening. Images of the deck, images of Her, drifting in and out. I sat staring at this blank table next to my altar which generally holds my magical waters and oils. The more I looked, the more I saw something new taking shape there.

Giving In

At some point I either have to sink into these feelings to get to the root of them or allow them to keep gnawing. So as I sat in my little witchy room, I finally gave in. I asked if space and connection is what She wanted. A whispered “yes” was the reply. I explained my cultural reservations, not really understanding why this was so different to me than all the other Deities I had worked with, but recognizing it was – I could swear I heard a chuckle…

In that moment I knew this was going to be different from my usual process of connecting to new incoming Deities/ Guides. In a way, it was already different, because generally I have an idea of what They are bringing to the table – an area of lessons They are coming to work on or something They want me to do – with Her I am completely clueless as to why Her and why Now. Everything here is a mystery and I have no clue as to what is ahead. As soon as I gave over though, my creative mind exploded with ideas and what needed to be done. It clearly felt like the moments I get “downloads” from my Guides but this had more intense feelings.

Right after that happened, the internet came on.

I ordered the deck and some other items that I will share about next week. I did some serious research, got some more history, listened to some of her devotees, read articles and papers, just trying to prepare myself better. I have more questions right now than answers – but they will come in time.

There is a reason for all this, and eventually I will discover it. Until then, I will follow Her lead and see where we go. Sometimes when a spirit or Deity show up out of nowhere – it is what we need to do. Stay open minded, let them lead, and see where it goes.

Although this was not on my radar at all – no intentions or desire to work with anyone new right now – I find myself excited and filled with child-like curiosity. It has been awhile time since I have felt like that. This is going to be very different, with different needs and approaches I feel, but perhaps that is a good thing.