All the Pieces of the Journey – a Reflection

All the Pieces of the Journey – a Reflection January 4, 2024

I have been quiet here recently because I was participating in the #12daysofYule challenge over on YouTube that was put out by Ivy the Occultist  . It was probably one of the most fun challenges I have participated in – and it wasn’t just the topics. So many very small and brand new creators were participating, which for me meant a whole new set of voices, perspectives, and new explorations. If you have not checked it out yet, I highly recommend it. I found some great new voices that probably would have never crossed my feed otherwise.

All of this got me thinking about my own personal journey. Not just through the past year but the spiritual journey of my life. All the pieces, from various places, that contributed to where I am now. What I carried forward and what I left behind.


There is a lot I do not like about the Catholic church, and most of that stems from the hierarchy and approaches. There are some good things though that have helped me on my journey.

One of the most important ones I think was that devotion demands dedication and work. Belief is not enough because without action it is empty words. For my experience that is true. That foundational aspect is a type of work ethic when it comes to my spiritual connections. I also think it is why I have had all the deep and amazing experiences and growth in my magical and spiritual life. I put a lot of time and effort into the skills and spiritual bonds that I create, because they are important to me. All that work pays off in the experiences.

The Catholics stayed seeped in the rituals and magic. Structurally they seem very similar to me as many Pagan traditions I see today. This made it very easy to slide into the magical and mystical side of my journey, because I grew up in a space where it was very much alive. They even kept the Goddess alive and at the center, even though Her shape had changed (Mary).

They are also really good at community building. Bringing their people together, working together, and creating spiritual family. Now mind you, my last experience with the church was over 30 years ago, so I can not say for sure if that still holds but it was true when I was growing up. I suppose this was still a reminent of when the Protestants (Christians) were trying to eliminate them as well as all the “others” that did not follow them. Due to that, Catholics created heir own neighborhoods, schools, businesses, and so forth – safety in numbers mentality. The result was a strong community mentality.

Up until this past year I lumped all Christians together, including the Catholics, and this was a mistake. I assumed because all the others stemmed from Catholics that their beliefs and ways were similar – they are not. Christians, all the different flavors, come from a Protestant core not Catholic – doing away with all the magic, ritual, even pantheon of the faith, and truly ruling by fear. There was much I attributed to the Catholic church which was really done by Protestants. I am not saying the Catholic church is blameless, they had their own atrocities but it has been really eye opening for me. I understand now why the term “Christian Witch” can be seen as an oxymoron – because it is not referring to Catholic Witches but those from Protestant roots. That is whole other article though.

Science and Nursing

My explorations in the natural sciences and deep understandings of the human body gave me many foundations and experiences for all the magical work I do. It gave me understandings of energy, how it worked, moved, transformed, could be harnessed and so forth. Understandings of the mind and the potential it holds, especially from esoteric standpoints and healing the body. Science gave me pieces of the puzzle – not the whole puzzle, but necessary pieces to understand the totality.

Because of my primary work as a CCRN, I experienced humanity, healing, and the soul in completely new ways. I dealt with the best and worst of it, because when you on death’s doorstep, things change. I saw humans at the rawest, their core, and it has shaped my perspective of humanity – our potential – and all the divisions we see on media is just an illusion society weaves, because at our core – you and I hold the same needs, the same hopes.

I saw true miracles, things that can not be explained any other way except through magic and Divine. The power of words, the power of prayer, the power of belief, and of Hope. To witness true miracles is not something you can really convey to another. I can explain the context, the events, but the power and awe of it is something we do not have words for.

the four elements, earth, air, fire, water in a globe form


In reflection I would equate witchcraft to a type of school for me. It taught me the deeper aspects of energy, nature, and myself. Through spell crafting I learned to connect, understand, and harness the power of the elements I was working with. I learned how to weave, blend, and break apart those elements to create something new – to direct them to a specific purpose.

It brought me to my roots. Not just of the self, but also my ancestors. The importance they play in my life now and learning from them. Understanding parts of the soul, but most importantly, my Ancestral Soul. A specific set of ancestors that I carry within me – who are a part of me but who also are me. Accessing their memories, their skills, their power to advance and move better in this life.

I developed skills and tools that would carry me deeper in my own spiritual journey and transformations.

Mother Death art by Esa


Through my explorations I went deeper into learning about different cultures, traditions, the history of humans – their movements, blending, and roots that connect even those that seem deeply divided.

It also lead me to experience Divine – not in a metaphorical way, but true experience of Divine. Building that bond and back and forth communication. Learning directly from Divine and developing a whole new set of skills and understandings.

Divine took me deep within myself. Tearing everything down to bone, evaluating and analyzing every pieces of it. Discovering what comes from me and what has been conditioned into me (from society, from others). Learning the depths of concepts like Judgment and Justice – Sovereignty and the responsibility of it in all ways – Balance and alignment – Dualities and how to use them to shape the world – Perspective and the fallacy of hard “truths” – Guardianship, Battle, and Compromise for Peace (again much different then what life/ this society taught me). I wrote all of this my book Goddess: Sacred Words of Transformation It is written in the way I received it and each part is not an instruction manual, but words to go deeper with, to explore, and discover what that means and looks like to you. After all, we are not here to shape someone’s journey but to leave a trail for others to make their own personal discoveries within.

My transformation and growth with my Divine has been profound. Having that personal Guide and Teacher accelerated my growth at a speed I could not even comprehend. That relationship has shaped me in ways that would be a book in itself. It is not just the personal growth though, or even the lessons and skills I have been able to develop through it – it is the presence and experience itself that has enriched every aspect of my life.

All and None

I did not experience these aspects separately or in the order they are written. They all overlapped at different times throughout my life. Each one bringing forth another piece to the puzzle – adding to each other, or reconstructing previous misconceptions or bad representations. It has been a journey – and continues to be so, because that is the aspect and purpose of life – a Journey of discovery. The depth of the journey is more than I have written here, but I think this gives a decent overview of what that has looked like for me.

I am not just one thing, I am many. This is true of the DNA that has shaped me. The history and movement of my people. The shaping of my magical practices. The cultivation of my spiritual beliefs born from my experiences. All of them coming from many different places, many different structures and boxes – yet climbing out of all of them, taking the aspects and parts that are truly me and for me, and standing as I am now. All these parts helped shape me, but I am the one who determines and shapes myself. I am none of them and I am all of them.

In the Silence we can finally hear ourselves.

About Esa
Author, Oracle, Guide, and Teacher of the Death's Emissary/ Death Doula course. "You are building your own path, your own connections, and shaping your own destiny. We can inspire others through sharing - we can Guide through our own experiences - but each of us must walk our own path." You can read more about the author here.

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