Things to Do at ETS/IBR/SBL in Denver, Colorado (2018)

Things to Do at ETS/IBR/SBL in Denver, Colorado (2018) November 11, 2018

Okay, that time of year is upon us, biblical and theological studies conference season, mardi gras for the Minor Prophets, party time for Pauline studies, wonderland for Wisdom literature, and shindig for Synoptic Gospels.

And this year it is in Denver! I’ve never been to Denver, Colorado. I’m looking forward to some scenic Rocky Mountain views, decent beer, visiting the Tim Teabow museum, and walking around a city that apparently smells like the office of a Rastafarian music teacher.

Things to do:


Go to a bakery and ask them to bake you a cake with the words, “Jesus is Lord and the State of Colorado is Not!”

If you see women at ETS, try not to scare them, and tell them to come back next year with some friends.

Attend the biblical theology session on the Tuesday, it will epic, some great papers are planned, I’m doing mine on the legitimacy, goal, and method of biblical theology.

Wear a Broncos hat, the Brisbane Broncos that is, an Aussie rugby league team.

Before you enter the book exhibits, pause, observe a minute’s silence in memory of Bible Works. Then announce: “Bible Works is dead, long live Logos.”

Present a paper with a red hat that says, “Make Anglicanism Great Again.” Actually, if someone would like to get me one of these, you know, for my birthday, I’d be super impressed.

Stand at the front of the book exhibit with a sign that says, “Mimi Haddad for ETS President.” (FYI, Mimi is president of Christians for Biblical Equality).

Give Mike Bird warm birthday greetings for his birthday on Sunday!

If you are Pentecostal, and since this year’s ETS theme is on the Holy Spirit, hand out pamphlets on “Why Southern Baptists Need to Speak in Tongues” with a free copy of Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen.

Tell the Zondervan folks that Mike Bird deserves his own publishing division called “Zonderbird” complete with private jet, publicist, and entourage.

If you see Prof Denny Burk, try to put a “Bernie 2020” sticker on his car.

Don’t mention the mid-terms, papers or election.

Walk around the Crossway book stall wearing a T-Shirt that says, “Jacob Arminius is My Homeboy.”


Give Mike Bird a birthday hi-five, he’ll be 44 years old, and maybe give him some almond m-n-m’s.

Go to a bakery and ask them to bake you a cake with the words, “Ha, ha, State of Colorado lost the SCOTUS case to the Alliance Defending Freedom.”

IBR … Friday … be there … or be an eisegetical son of a motherless Arminian.

Attend the Paul and Scripture session S18-150 on the Sunday morning where I’ll be presenting on intertextuality in Rom 12:9-21.

At Starbucks, name your coffee order, “Peace be with you,” and when the barista calls out your order reply, “And also with you.”

Remember Sunday: IBR worship, Michael Bird’s birthday, and the Fortress Press reception with N.T. Wright’s lecture.

If you want free drinks in a bar, wear a “Kamala Harris 2020” badge.

Remember, Mike Bird’s birthday, think wine, Buffalo Wings, and Baylor University Press gift vouchers.

Go to the Prometheus bookstall and ask the sellers if they’d like to hear your testimony about how you went from being an atheist to becoming a Christian.

If you find yourself in an elevator with Mike Bird, start singing some Hamilton songs and he’ll join in.

Walk up to Craig Keener and ask if he has any thoughts on Galatians that he’s like to share. FYI, he does, he has two commentaries on Galatians, Cambridge and Baker.

If you see Nijay Gupta in one of the hotels, please don’t ask him to get you more towels, I know he looks foreign, but he doesn’t work there.

Go to the Australian college of theology reception, Saturday 17 Nov, 1800, Silverton Ballroom Salon 2, Embassy Suites.

Remember, Sunday 18 Nov is Mike’s birthday, and you should either buy him a bottle of red wine or a book from Baylor University Press.

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