I know I am not the only (ex)wife and mother for whom marriage and motherhood has been a challenge. Marriage is hard. Throw in some kids with issues and family life becomes a crucible – turning up the fire to refine and define us.
I know I’m not the only one because I hear from moms who have had similar experiences.
Leaving a long-term marriage
Five years ago, I left a 33-year marriage. In our family, we dealt with heroin addiction, mental illness, cancer, learning disabilities, and more – all within the context of a strained marriage with dysfunctional communication. The American Psychological Association reports that divorce over 50 continues to increase, for a variety of reasons.
I entered marriage and motherhood with incredibly idealistic expectations. My kids were going to be saints and scholars. We would:
6 Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6, NIV
While the Lord is still writing the chapters of their lives, the end of the story remains to be seen.
Idealistic Expectations of Family Life
What’s the story of that idealistic wife and mother? It has taken unexpected turns. The path I envisioned as a young bride and mother was filled with more detours, heartbreak, and lessons than I ever could have imagined. And yet, through it all, I have survived. More than that—I have grown.
I know there are scored of women like me—women who have loved fiercely, fought tirelessly, and found themselves standing in the wreckage of broken dreams, wondering what comes next.
We are the moms who did everything we knew to do, prayed every prayer they could think of, and still watched out children struggle in ways they never anticipated. We are the wives who stayed, hoping for change, only to realize I losing myself in the process. We are the women who have walked through the fire and come out on the other side—maybe singed, maybe scarred, but still standing.
Psychology Today opines that long marriages rarely end on a whim. They are the result of years of unresolved conflict.
Lessons from the trenches of family life
My story is one of triumphs and failures, of lessons learned in the trenches, of faith that sustained me, and grace that continues to heal me. I finally have to courage to share my story with honesty, vulnerability, and, I hope, the wisdom that comes from experience.
If you’ve ever felt alone in your struggles as a wife and mother, know this: you are not alone. If you’ve ever wondered if anyone understands the depth of your pain and the weight of your burdens, hear me: I do. And if you’ve ever doubted whether you could survive—let alone thrive—on the other side of heartbreak, I pray my story will be a testament to the truth that you can.
Marriage and motherhood may not have turned out the way we planned, but that doesn’t mean the story is over. There is life after loss, hope after heartbreak, and purpose beyond the pain.
A path forward
As I moved forward, I learned to rebuild my life with resilience, faith, and newfound purpose. I discovered the importance of self-care, of forging friendships with women who understood my journey, and of leaning into the strength that had always been within me. I redefined what it means to be a mother—not just as a caretaker of children, but as a woman who models grace, strength, and perseverance.
I wrote a book to tell my story. It is not just about surviving—it’s about thriving. It’s about embracing the next chapter with courage, wisdom, and an open heart. It’s about rediscovering joy in unexpected places and reclaiming the parts of ourselves that got lost in the struggle.
Welcome to Marriage and Motherhood Survivor. I pray it encourages you, strengthens you, and remind you that no matter what you’ve been through—you are not alone, and your story is far from over.
Are you surviving marriage and motherhood? Share your stories here.
For more on this topic, check out:
I’m Divorced: Does God Still Love Me?
Breaking Free: When anger and gaslighting define marriage
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