Where I'm At With Writing

First, a correction on my last post. I said:

No violent protests took place after either of Obama’s victories. No “Rape Michelle” signs, no “F*** Obama” signs. Where ARE President Obama, Michelle, and Hillary? A little of that tolerant, everybody should love everybody rhetoric they’re always spouting is most welcome at this time. Perhaps a gracious concession speech and welcome speech just isn’t enough. We need them to lead their people at this time. Not merely read a few well written speeches.

It has come to my attention that there were in facts protests, vandalizing, and even physical attacks on Obama voters following the 2012 election (not sure about the 2008 election). From what I read, it was not as widespread, but fact is, protesters lined the streets in 2012 with signs calling for Obama’s hanging, and if that wasn’t enough, a predominantly black church was torched in Massachusetts. I won’t cite everything that went on, just as I didn’t cite everything going on now with Trump protesters. I merely wanted to point out that I was wrong in what I said, and I knew someone would call me on something after I wrote my last line:

Live peaceably — unless someone has green gooey snot smeared on their face. In which case, still live peaceably. But be a friend and tell them on no uncertain terms to clean. It. Up.

Yep, I wrote that and thought You better mean it, because it’s coming. You’ve got green gooey somewhere! Ha!

In all seriousness though, when I found out about the 2012 protests and violence? My first thought was See! Maybe you’re so racist you don’t even remember horrible acts committed against President Obama! You’re everything Hillary supporters say you are. You turn a blind eye. You willingly turn the other way when you see injustices done to your black President, neighbors, and fellow countrymen.

I stopped and took a good look at myself. The last thing I want to do is be rightly lumped in with right-wing racists. So I did examine myself. And you know what I found? Not racism. Just misinformation. Or no information, as it turned out. I honestly had no idea anything horrible took place after Obama was elected. And it wasn’t that I forgot. It was that I never knew in the first place.

Well, where the heck were you post-election, Missy?

And then I remembered. I was so frustrated with the outcome of the 2008 and 2012 election results, I turned off the TV, the radio, and social media. I didn’t want to hear it. I felt no desire to celebrate, and so I tuned out everything and everyone that had the potential to be celebratory. I was feeling everything Hillary supporters are feeling now, including grief. And grieving, for me, typically entails tuning everyone out and finding peace and calm by focusing on everything I know to be true about Christ. Or baking goodies for my family. That seems to pop me out of emotional funks as well.

So. I apologize for saying something that wasn’t true. It doesn’t change the way I feel about what Trump protesters are pulling. But it makes me sorry that the hate goes both ways, as I acknowledged in my blog yesterday. I am fully aware that hate is on both sides of this thing, and that’s what I am speaking out about. The hate is sad, but what is also sad is the lumping of everyone on the right together and them pitting them against everyone on the left who has also been lumped together. Until that is halted, I’m afraid we are in for more of the same.

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Okay. With that said, I want to talk about where I’m at with my writing.

It’s complicated, but I will try to explain.

The amount of liking, sharing, open commenting, and behind the scenes conversations that have gone on in response to my writings has increased lately, and it’s made me question what is going on. Perhaps people are just fired up. Perhaps I’m saying something that is connecting with people in a way that hasn’t happened before. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been writing political posts. Perhaps it’s all of the above or none of the above. The “lovely” thing about writing is that you never really know what’s going on – who is reading, why they’re reading, what made them share, etc. I learned a long, long time ago that there is no gauge for knowing how effective you are, and that the best thing to do is write what God lays on your heart and let the chips fall where they may. I’m doing that. But when y’all share my stuff, and then your friends share my stuff, and then their friends share my stuff? Pretty soon, I don’t have a clue who is reading, and it’s a bit of a vulnerable feeling to think that your words, your goof ups, and yes even your way of stating Biblical truth is in the hands of strangers. Maybe even lots of strangers.

That is always the risk you run anytime you put something out on the internet. I don’t care if it’s a meme, your address, a picture of your kid’s bloody toe, or a full-size book. Whatever is published online is free. Free to read, free to share, free to consume. I get that. But until now, I’m pretty sure that 99.7% of my publications have been kept “secret”, if you will, between my Facebook friends, and those who subscribe to my blog.

So my first question to myself lately has been: how far do I want to go with this? Is it truly okay with you if your thoughts that you write in the privacy of your living room are out there for all to see? What happens when you royally screw up, and it’s too late?

Well, you apologize, just like you did a few paragraphs ago, Brenda …..

Do you see my struggle? It’s a horrifying thing to realize you screwed up, and you did it in front of God – and God only knows how many people. Hiding behind the screen has never been a comfort for me. What I say with my fingers is something I take as seriously as what I say to a fleshy face. Ya’ know? And I am keenly aware that how things come across on screen can be taken fifteen (hundred) different ways. Hence that uncomfortable feeling with doing what I feel most comfortable doing — writing!

Anyway, these issues are a constant struggle. I almost always come around to the same thought I stated above: write what’s on your heart. Leave the results to God. I’m simply admitting that as things progress, or at least have the potential to progress, the struggle intensifies. The questions get louder: am I going to continue writing? Am I sure this is my calling? Do I want to obey this calling?

I’ve quit so many times, mostly because there’s a particular misery that comes with writing. But every time I quit, I notice there’s also a particular misery that comes with quitting. And I can honestly say that the misery that comes with quitting is greater than the misery that comes with cranking out blogs, Bible studies, and a book, if that makes sense.

I believe it was a pastor who once said to those considering the call to preach … If you can do anything else, do it.

Why? Because there’s enough misery to the job that if there’s any possibility of another calling, you’ll be happier, less stressed, less targeted by the Enemy.

I resonate with that. I am not called to preach, but I am called to spread the Gospel and make disciples just like any believer. And writing just happens to be the way I am most effective at that, given my gift with words, coupled with my life situation of chronic illness.

If there was any other way, you can rest assured I would take it.

So I’ve come full circle. Perhaps it’s not writing that I struggle with so much as it is living the Christian life. Making disciples. Preaching the Gospel. Spreading truth. It’s a hard life. But a life worth living. Becoming a Christian is not a guarantee of a life of ease. Quite the opposite, in fact. And so I preach to myself here … onward, Christian soldier. Speak the truth in love. Apologize when you mess up. Be a disciple making disciple. God has not made you physically fit enough to go to the ends of the earth, but perhaps God can take what you write and send it to the ends of the earth. Just be faithful. Write. Spread the Word. Leave the results up to God. If the results are that you’re never read, fine. At least you’ve gotten your thinking straight through the process of expressing truth. If the results are that you’re read nation-wide, fine. Don’t get a big head or worry about what might happen to you in this cra-cra world of political correctness and truth loathing.

Do the work. Let God do the ultimate work.

That’s it.

Thanks for listening. And God speed to you as you work on your own mission of truth telling and Gospel spreading.

For those of you on Facebook, if I don’t chicken out (big if), I’ll be making a video soon (next week, perhaps) about …. making videos. 🙂 Does putting our live, spoken words on social media make sense? In a world where so many people are voicing their opinions, live or otherwise, what’s the use of one more say? Why all the craze with homemade videos? What’s the difference between promoting myself and promoting my message? These are questions I’ve wrestled with in the writing realm, and now they’re questions I’m wrestling with in the video realm.

I hope you’ll join me in the discussion!

Where I’m At With Writing