By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Something Chaos Magic

By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Something Chaos Magic April 8, 2022

[An online conversation with Chester.]

Chester: “Are you familiar with giving injections in butts?”

Me: “This… feels like a loaded question.”

Chester: “Let me rephrase. I’m due for a testosterone shot in the next day or so, but I’m not feeling like stabbing myself at the moment. Is that something you could help with?”

A can-do attitude is crucial when stabbing yourself. (Image via Pixabay.)

Me: “OH, okay. It’s been awhile, but sure, I can totally do it.”

Chester: “That would be excellent, thanks. Doing it myself involves a large mirror and disassociation.”

Me: “I worked at a veterinary clinic in high school. I’ve given a lot of canine booster shots. This won’t be a problem.”

And it wasn’t an unreasonable request. Between my Gardnerian and Minoan practices and my involvement with the leather community, I have, at one point or another, seen most of my friends naked, so what was one more bum in the grand scheme of things? Plus I knew that Chester had an aversion to needles, so if me administering his injection was going to alleviate some stress for him, I was of course happy to do it.

And if he started to panic, I figured we could just do what we did at the vet clinic, and grab him by the scruff of the neck and yell, “BAD DOG, NO BITING,” until he settled down.

Which, coincidentally, is also sometimes how we handle things in the leather community. You kind of have to pick your battles.

Sorry, kid. Not all dogs go to heaven. (Image via Pixabay.)

So I went over to Chester’s place, and we chit-chatted for awhile, and I got him all caught up on my job situation. And once he was ready to take the plunge (so to speak), he shimmied out of his shorts and lay face down on his bed.

“Here’s the syringe,” he said.


“And here’s an alcohol swab and a Band-Aid.”

“Got it.”

“And if there’s any blood, here’s a sigil I printed on tissue paper to absorb it.”

“Copy that. Let’s do this.”

And I jabbed him right in the candy cake.

Poke poke. (Image via Pixabay.)

I watched the injection site for a few seconds, and then I was like, “We have blood!” And Chester was all, “Woot! Charge it up!” So I dabbed the sigil on the spot until it was good and crimson, and once the flow receded, I applied the Band-Aid and handed Chester the sigil to do whatever else he needed to do with it.

This is one of the things I appreciate most about Chester as my favorite Chaos Magician: When faced with an uncomfortable situation, he looks to see how he can transmute it into something beneficial. In this case, it was like, “I am afraid of needles and hate the sight of blood. How can I use that?” And the fear and repulsion became mercurial fuels for his occult operations.

I don’t know the purpose of the sigil we charged with his blood, but I don’t need to. What I also appreciate is that Chester trusted me to help him without asking unnecessary questions. And since I was able to give him the injection without causing him pain or discomfort, I’ll get to help him out with a similar working next month.

A lot of frowns turned upside down here.

There’s a sigil party in Chester’s pants, and everyone’s invited. (Image via Pixabay.)

Way back in 1997, former Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich wrote, “Do one thing every day that scares you,” which is excellent advice in general, but even more so for those of us frolicking about in the field of Chaos Magic. And just like how Schmich’s “Wear Sunscreen” essay got reworked into a chart-topping hit single, we can utilize the theories of Chaos Magic to turn pretty much anything into a magical working.

Could a household chore become a spell? Could data entry be used for divination? Could ingesting a daily medication have an effect on an unrelated spiritual condition, or act as metaphysical protection? These are fun questions worth asking, and even if some of the possible answers strike us as kind of daunting, we won’t know until we try. So, y’know. Let’s try.

And hey, if you ever find yourself needing a ritual injection in your butt, I’m pleased to announce that I now come with references. Chester tested, Chester approved.

More discord, you say? But of course! Follow Fivefold Law on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Zazzle.

About Thumper
Thumper Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, an Episkopos of the Dorothy Clutterbuck Memorial Cabal of Laverna Discordia, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public from Houston, TX. You can read more about the author here.

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