What I Could Still Do With Kids Even When Letting Go Control
After five years of homeschooling, I watched my kids walk through the school gate, tears welling in my eyes. I masked the bittersweet moment with smiles, warm hugs, and enthusiastic waves. We had reached a point where school was the right choice for our family, but letting go of those cherished homeschooling years was hard. I had especially loved teaching social studies through hands-on experiences—immersive field trips, exploring different cultures, and examining the ideas that shaped our family, community, and world.
As I pulled away from the school parking lot, I made a promise to myself: no matter where my kids learned, I would continue to instill in them the values and beliefs that formed the foundation of our family—many of which I know your families hold dear, too.
The Misused “Train Up Your Child” Verse
In my beginning years of parenting, I used to dislike this well-known Bible verse:
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” — Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
It felt overused. It also felt like a whole theology of control and authority was built on one proverb. I’d seen mothers crying, trying to leverage it over God— “I taught them this, and you promised!” I’d seen it used to excuse emotional or even physical harm. Or to justify indoctrination into a specific ideology followed by anger at God if their ideal outcome wasn’t delivered.
The Anthropological Parenting Truth We Can’t Escape
Over time, though, I recognized that the verse still depicts an essential truth of parenting. I’ve seen parents try to avoid “influencing” their children at all without giving them any moral framework. That simply results in their kids absorbing values from TikTok, television, government systems, peers, or whatever feels good in the moment.
I know some parents who tell me they refuse to present their kids with no religion or gender. They try to be neutral, but it is impossible to be neutral. Kids pick up what we model, at least to a degree, even if it is simply humanism/secularism. Then the culture, the world, and the systems that be are ready to swoop in and give kids an operating system to address and make sense of the world, It is a basic anthropological rule.
Ultimately, we can’t not give kids a way to go. The only question is whether they receive a way by intention or by accident, because neutrality is a myth.
I didn’t want to misuse this verse about training my kids up as an excuse for poor parenting, as formula, or something to leverage over God. But I truly have wanted my kids to embrace foundational values, both for their own good and for the good of society, living out a little heaven on earth.
In the absence of neutrality, I see Christians take another path in training kids. Is it possible that the framework of morality we try to give our children in lieu of doing nothing miss the Jesus’ ways?
Christian Nationalism or Belonging in a New Kingdom?
This is another relevant verse, also from the Old Testament, often used among Christian parents:
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)
These were moral rules that the people of the Jewish nation were supposed to pass on to their kids. Many of these are ones I care about too, including the ways of justice, equity, and caring for the vulnerable. Wouldn’t we do well to pass on similar morals to our own kids? Unlike one or two verses to build a theology on, there are many scriptures throughout the whole Bible about creating a society that reflects God’s heart for justice, compassion and love. Some Christians, though focus on training kids with scriptures that aren’t seen in the New Covenant, but include bits and pieces of everything, not realizing there is a difference.
In the Old Testament and Torah, these laws created a religious nation. Following these in the same way, as they did in the Old Covenant, today is often called Jewish Nationalism or Zionism, or as Christians, Christian Nationalism. But through Jesus, God began calling his people to belong to a new type of kingdom within a New Covenant of grace that fulfilled this old law.
Jesus wasn’t interested in creating a new government that controlled society with moral laws like the Jewish people misunderstood his purpose to be. His came to redeem and heal us spiritually, and from that overflow, we live a different way. This different way frees us to practice values that are good for ourselves and all. The New Testiment, the part of the Bible about this New Covenant, isn’t about controlling morality, but about following Jesus, and helping others discover him. The early church was largely unconcerned with the human governments of the day. But they were about valuing and honoring the dignity of each human being, created in the image of God.
According to the New testament, we who follow Jesus are a new nation, a holy priesthood. We are God’s family, his body here on here. There are a lot of analogies for what the Church is here on earth, and they revolve around being a people embodied by both God’s love and power that represent God’s way of doing things.
This isn’t a physical kingdom, but about belonging, reconciled, to him and others.
How Justice-Minded Kids Was Born
How could I be intentional about passing on frameworks to my kids that reflected this new way of Jesus and belong? To train my kids with values that are observed over and over and over again in scripture? That wasn’t dependent on a physical government or a doctrine conceived from misused verses?
Most of what I write about at Average Advocate and my newsletter, The Table, is embodying a redemptive, restorative view of justice to empower changemakers to make a difference. Don’t get me wrong, justice isn’t Christianity, nor is raising justice-minded kids teaching kids how to be a Christian — Justice without Jesus is missing the best part!
But I can connect with others who are still unbelievers by connecting over our shared values. And helping our kids learn how to interact with the world, how Jesus did, is still part of following Jesus. There is a huge gap in resources for Christian parents on this topic, but it is an area I knew well and had been practicing with my children already. I could still be intentional training my kids in this way of Jesus if I took what we’d been doing and made it into something we could follow all year.
This is why I created Justice-Minded Kids: Bite-sized challenges to empower kids to practice justice, compassion, and love. It’s a discipleship tool — a practical way to us train our children in the way they should go, not by lording over them or forcing outcomes, but by giving them gentle, meaningful on-ramps to God’s heart for justice, compassion, and dignity for every person.
If you’re like me and you want more than vague ideals — if you want your kids to actively see, care, and participate in God’s restoration of the world — this book will make that feel natural and doable. Each lesson takes less than fifteen minutes and you are the guide. Because I needed it too, I also made a supplemental set of Bible verses you can download with the other free resources to use in conjunction with the book.
You can get a copy of Justice-Minded Kids at AverageAdvocate.com/justice-minded-kids.
Training Kids to Jesus’ Ways — Not Neutrality or Nationalism
Training our kids to follow Jesus ways goes a lot further than just teaching them how to interact with the world around them. But this is a step, and a common ground we can leverage to talk with unbelievers who also care about people with.
We’re all learning how to raise kids with values — I hope you know you are not alone in this. Sometimes we might need encouragement to take a stand in neutrality when it’s easier to ignore the frameworks our kids are adapting. But other times we have to remind ourselves we aren’t trying to make a physical kingdom of control, but a holy nation following in the way of Jesus.
We can’t control the outcomes of who our children become, but it is our responsibility to give train our kids with a frameworks that help them see the way of Jesus here on earth. And we pray that by practicing his character and love towards others, our kids come to know Jesus themselves, too.
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