Although I’m still in the middle of raising my own kids, I’m slowly learning what it means to care for aging parents. On a recent visit, my brother pulled me aside to point out, “Elisa… their toilets really need help.” And he wasn’t wrong.
And that’s how I found myself on my knees in my parents’ bathroom. It wasn’t glamorous or something anyone would want to see on my Instagram feed. But I knew this was part of my best yes for the visit.
Cleaning toilets isn’t my passion. It doesn’t fall within my spiritual gifts. It doesn’t align well with my personality. But it was how I could embody God’s love.
Jesus Called Us Into Faithful Servanthood
When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He engaged in the lowest, most undignified task in the household. I sometimes wonder if His exhortation to “wash one another’s feet” might best be translated today as cleaning someone’s dirty bathroom. Serving in the lowliest ways, even cleaning toilets, is never beneath the call of a Christian.
I love that scripture affirms equal dignity in all work, grateful unseen work matters to God, and see the value of how it forms humility within us. But I was more than just faithfully showing up for my family. I felt acutely connected to the purpose.
A few years ago, when I was pregnant and in a lupus flare, we were barely making it—always in survival mode. Countless people cleaned my toilets, cooked meals, cared for my kids, and encouraged us to keep going. I know firsthand the vulnerability of needing help with the most basic things. As I scrubbed my parents’ toilets, I remembered what it feels like to be chronically needy and unable to even articulate what kind of help you need.
But sometimes, I’ve discovered compassion can be a nicer way to describe co-dependent tendencies.
Co-Dependency in Servanthood
Servanthood is also a word that gets used—sometimes unintentionally, sometimes manipulatively—to pressure people into energy-draining, task-focused work that overlooks the direction God is actually empowering them to move in.
I took many years to realize I internalized messages like, “Value those humble servants! You should be like them!” in an unhealthy way.
I believed servanthood meant doing everything: the speaking, planning, preparing, leading, cleaning—and feeling guilty if I didn’t also scrub the floors afterward. It became a religious path straight to burnout.
Although servanthood is part of following Jesus, I was missing that discernment is too.
At one of my anti-trafficking fundraisers, my friends pulled me aside,
“Elisa, you need to go and be social. Stop trying to do everything else. We can do the cleaning, organizing, feeding, etc… but you are the person here who knows about human trafficking. And you’re good at talking to people. Get out on the floor and stop worrying about everything else. We’ve got it.”
This moment was life-altering for me. It became a pivot point that changed how I operated. I might have thought I was serving in humility, but obedience to my calling was even more vital.
Living Out Our Callings In Service
I realized that God had given me a best yes—a way of serving that flowed from my personality, experience, skills, gifts, and God’s empowerment. Not every good thing was my thing.
Some days, that best yes looks like being on stage talking to people. But other days, it genuinely is cleaning toilets for people I love. Both can be holy, but discernment shows me the way.
Many Christians don’t avoid serving—we avoid disappointing people. We feel guilty when we don’t volunteer for every church role, show up for every cause, or take on every task. It is as if we say no, we don’t care, don’t love God, or love the Church.
But Jesus never asked us to meet every need. He offers a yoke that is easy when we move alongside Him. If the burden of service is too heavy, I’m learning it likely isn’t placed there by God.
This is why evaluating our best yes with Jesus matters. Its one of the reasons I wrote The Life Mapping Workbook, to help me really discover what calling looked like for me at any given time.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Serving
When guilt rises or I see work that needs doing, I pause in prayer and ask:
- Am I acting out of co-dependency or compassion?
- Am I responding to guilt or to Jesus?
- Am I taking over someone else’s chance to serve?
- Am I honestly evaluating my capacity?
- Is this a time to serve quietly—or to move forward, alive in my giftings?
Ephesians 2:10 states,
“We are God’s masterpiece… created to do the good things He planned for us long ago.” (NLT)
It is a reminder that there we are his masterpiece not because of how we serve, but because he has declared it so. And that not all the good things are planned for us to do. Just the ones He actually gave us–our best yes.
That’s the freedom of servanthood. That’s the freedom of the Best Yes. And this week, it was scrubbing toilets, while thanking God for parents who did this once for me.
>>This is a spiritual companion post to this original one, When Our Best Yes Meets Humble Service: When Should Changemakers Clean Toilets?
If you are interested in teaching your kids to be faithful servants of Jesus, I start with this free download of Bible verses for Justice-Minded Kids.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In