Wrestling with God: (Why am I still convinced God hates me?)

Wrestling with God: (Why am I still convinced God hates me?) September 3, 2013

Screen Shot 2013-09-03 at 11.13.08 AMWhile I broke with fundamentalist religion somewhere around 2007, I still struggle.

As any therapist will tell you, old mental habits take a long time to break.

I’ve been reflecting on this lately during some sleepless hours, and have come to accept something: I still believe that God hates me.

I don’t know why. Intellectually, I reject the notion- but I think emotionally I’ve never fully been freed from it.

I’ve always seen Jesus as being good, loving and accepting… but God? My inner concept of God still sees him as an all-powerful being that is infinite at everything- including being pissed off.

I get that Jesus and God are harmoniously alike, but it sure doesn’t seem that way. Even looking at the cross under old paradigms of thinking, I still see a Jesus who is dying to protect me from his angry dad- letting dad beat him mercilessly so that I can run out of the room to safety.

I’m realizing that this paradigm of thinking doesn’t work for me anymore, and that it’s internal blasphemy against a loving God. It’s caused me to actually want to run from God, because who wants to run towards someone who hates you with every fiber of their being?

What’s even worse, it causes me to see every negative thing that happens in life as being from God- instead of the good things.

I remember when we first realized we were losing our daughter– the situation quickly disintegrated, and we knew that loss was probably inevitable.

Nevermind the fact that we were actually doing what God calls “pure religion” (caring for widows and orphans), the most begging thought that plagued us was: Have we done something to make God angry with us?

Did I not try hard enough?

Did I have a lustful thought that caused God to decide to punish me with the loss of a child?

Did I… did I… did I….

It’s so effed up. This whole line of thinking… there’s no other way to describe it than…


It’s broken thinking.

Yet, it’s broken thinking that most days, my heart still can’t over come. I lay awake at 4:00 am frequently wrestling with this, because I feel like a horrible hypocrite.

Here I am, trying to be a voice to the masses- telling them that God is way better than they ever imagined… that he looks like Jesus, the nonviolent lover of enemies… that he isn’t mad at you, but instead has mad love for you…

But I don’t always feel this way in my own life. I still too often feel as if God hates me, and when something bad happens in life, I immediately assume that he’s punishing me.

I want to repent of this broken thinking.

When it comes to the God who hates me, I want to be an atheist.

photoI’ve heard folks like Ray Comfort say the problem is that not enough people are scared of God. I’ve listened to Mark Driscoll’s (if we were superheroes, he’d be my arch nemesis) sermon “God Hates You” (which I think was recorded at Westboro), and my fair share of hell fire preaching. And, I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem isn’t that people don’t fear God anymore.

The problem is that that too many do.

Too many people have been painted a picture of God that looks more like a jealous boyfriend in a drunken rage than the peaceful, inclusive Rabi who said “if you’re tired and burnt out, come hang with me- because my way is light and not burdensome”.

As a result, our concept of God internalizes into all sorts of other broken thinking, and leads us to see everything bad that happens in life as being a divine punishment from God.

Over time, we actually start to believe that God hates us. The concept gets rooted so deep, that even when we mentally reject it, our “emotional memory” still uses it as a go-to hermeneutic for understanding life events.

I’ve been in relationships before where I couldn’t do anything right and was chronically reminded of my own shortcomings. Unfortunately, these situations don’t often cause us to become better- instead, we eventually start to believe that we’re just as bad as other people think we are.

I can’t have this kind of relationship with God anymore.

I hope that you can’t either.

westboro_baptist_churchLet’s repent together, and stop thinking that God hates us.

Cause honestly, I don’t need anymore enemies (you should see my in-box).

I need friends.

Friends who will stick it out with me, no matter what. Friends who will receive me and just love me- for who I am, and nothing more.

Let’s remind ourselves so often that we are fully and completely loved, that the emotional memory eventually switches from hate to love.

I’m realizing that will take time, but I’m committed to the process… because I can’t bear another moment alone in a room with me and this angry god who hates everything about me.

Thankfully, I’m half way there- because my mind no longer believes in this god.

My mind acknowledges that the real God, looks exactly like Jesus- and that his final words were words of forgiveness… not rejection.

Instead of the god who hates me, I’m trying to embrace the God who would like to have a beer with me sometime.

Let’s keep pressing on together. I know so many of you wrestle with this same thing- I hear it in your letters to me on a daily basis, and I’m committed to walking this journey with you.

As together, we trade anger for an embrace of the divine.

We trade hate for love,

and acceptance instead of rejection.

The god who hates us?

Let’s be a circle of friends who quit believing in him, together.

(take it away, Edie…)

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  • Lynn

    Just found your post and wanted to offer encouragement. I declared myself agnostic in high school, then moved to atheism in college, and yet still walked around with a burden of fear. It took a difficult life event (losing a daughter), spending some time in emotional denial about how traumatic her loss was, being slammed with the reality of my feelings and emotions about her loss and hitting rock bottom, and then slowly recovering from that trauma, for the emotional switch to happen. All of a sudden I KNEW deep down in my soul–not just my head–that there really really really really isn’t any angry omnipotent spirit setting me up to fail and smoldering in anger when I did fail.

  • Lynn

    What does a good progressive Christian and an atheist have in common? Neither one believes in an angry god. :)
    Atheism can be the refuge some people need in recovering from fundamentalism.
    I’m an atheist–formerly fundamentalist–and have zero problem with the statement God IS love. I don’t personify that love and assign it some kind of identity but at the end of the day, what’s worth worshiping–ie, striving for, working for, following, reflecting on, making manifest–is love.

  • Emily Frugalsworth

    I am a former fundamentalist. I didn’t grow up in a Christian family, but I spent a good number of my formative young adult years as a fundie. After over ten years of not being at my old fundie church, I went to a wake held at the old church today. Yeesh. Glad I had a chance to pay my respects to the family because the person who passed was a great father, husband and overall person. The funny thing was, when I drove off, I thanked God that I was no longer a part of that circle of control and went straight to yoga. Thanks for your blog!

  • Emily Frugalsworth

    I am a former fundamentalist. I didn’t grow up in a Christian family, but I spent a good number of my formative young adult years as a fundie. After over ten years of not being at my old fundie church, I went to a wake held at the old church today. Yeesh. Glad I had a chance to pay my respects to the family because the person who passed was a great father, husband and overall person. The funny thing was, when I drove off, I thanked God that I was no longer a part of that circle of control and went straight to yoga. Thanks for your blog!

  • Emily Frugalsworth

    Tell me about it. Imagine being a single woman in that kind of a subculture and you are over 32. It can decimate the self esteem of the strongest and most successful woman.

  • Emily Frugalsworth

    Tell me about it. Imagine being a single woman in that kind of a subculture and you are over 32. It can decimate the self esteem of the strongest and most successful woman.

  • HiHoSilver

    Perhaps once we discard the idea of hell – we’ll finally come to an understanding of how loving God really is. It is impossible to both believe God is a loving God, while hell exists in our theology.

  • Jen

    I fell like God stopped listening to me a long time ago. I don’t know what I did to make him turn his back on me. I am so lost.

  • I feel your pain. I struggle with this everyday. Every time I go to a calvinistic sermon each Sunday, a little bit more of me is convinced that God hates my guts and that i’m not one of his elect. I want nothing more than to be forgiven, but if God has destined me to eternal suffering just for being who I am, and isn’t bothered about forgiving me as I feel unable to meet his standards then I’d rather be annihilated… it just paints a picture of existence which seems so arbitrary and pointless.

  • jack

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You read my mind & described me to the letter. I so desperately needed to be encouraged by this. Thanks, again.

  • Brittany Vaughn

    Evil, hateful, violent child molesters are awful, but please don’t imply that homosexuality is in the same category as those things. Hate and violence, especially towards children, is nowhere near the category of same-sex affection. Those first things are things that hurt others. I’m very sorry you had a hateful father, but please don’t lump nonviolent people in with the ones who are hate-filled and violent.

  • Nathan

    I loaded a “random number generator.” I say to god that if the number is 3, I will die. guess which number was next. 3. I said that was a test, but 6 will actually kill me. the next number. 6.

  • Vivian Tan

    Good day, sir. I live in Malaysia, am a baptised Catholic since I was still a baby, and I’m currently 18. I struggle with this, believing that God hates me, hates the mankind and all the living creatures. I have suicidal thoughts since I was 13, recently discovered that I may be suffering from bipolar disorder. For once I believed God would heal me someday, I just need to have faith. I prayed hard, until I figured out cutting and masturbating are far more effective than praying to save me from tears and fears. You see, I find it ironic that what’s sinful as defined by common Christian society is what’s saving me, though just for a short period. Can you tell me, if God loves mankind, why do we have to prove it to ourselves and convince others? If God loves me, why do I struggle hard to try to accept myself and believe that I’m loved by my creator? Shouldn’t I just be an atheist? Wouldn’t I be freed from the struggling thoughts? Thank you if you are reading.

  • Caiman Cotton

    Fundamentalism is farther from the Truth of the Lord than actual Understanding. It may be hard. It may be difficult. However, God loves us. He is not in the storm, but whispers in the peace that follows.

  • Caiman Cotton

    Now, I know that this may not be a good time, but the idea of Determinism is false. We have free will. Freely choose to follow Christ and works shall come after.

  • Caiman Cotton

    God doesn’t turn His back on anyone. He always is with us. He is in the whisper of the peace after the storm, not in the storm itself.

  • M85

    Hi, i’m quite interested in your faith journey and especially your leaving fundamentalism/conservative christianity because in many respects it’s quite similar to my own walk. I wanted to ask you a question: from what i’ve read you were already a believer before coming under a fundamentalist influence, do you think your “new” vision of the faith could actually be just a return to your first love when you first encountered Christ? Thanks and Peace.

  • goodlfe

    I feel you JT. Not divorced myself, just wish I were. Wish I’d never walked down an aisle in my life, except for my children – tho I fear they weren’t done any favors in being brought into this world into our so-called marriage. I feel that God has already judged me, for the wish itself, and my failures as both parent and spouse. Since marriages are made by the will of God, the will of God is the only thing that’s kept me here so far….living as a :”defeated Christian”..a state that cannot possibly honor God, and is an oxymoron, anyway. I wish I could bolster you. I’m at low ebb at the moment, but I want you to know you’re not alone. Your honest comment has raised a great fellow-feeling in me. We must take it one day at a time, and listen for His voice. That’s the best I can do for now. :)

  • goodlfe

    Read the above message & consider there are far, far worse things than being alone. How would you like to be live the rest of your life Feeling exactly as alone as you feel now, but living with someone who is a burden to you all your days? It is hell, to me. Also..consider, if you are willing: if you view so many women as mean and nasty, what kind of woman are You Attracting by being whatever kind of man it is that you are? I should have been considering that myself, prior to marriage. I should have learned to unshakably BE the person I wanted my spouse to be, THEN worried about whether I should marry.

  • denise

    Did you find her yet? I definitely understand how you feel.

  • denise

    I understand that you are trying to be helpful but everyone has their own pain to bare. I really don’t think the “People have it worse than you” speech works without empathy. Empathy goes a long way.

  • James the Apostate

    Thank you for the refreshing and thoughtful posts. I wrestle with the God-Thing on a daily basis.

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your comments and experiences, and I can identify completely with your god (mis)perceptions evolving/changing. You are telling so much of my own “conversion” story with my new understandings of a more gentle, tender, loving, compassionate, forgiving and ENJOYABLE Almighty God of the Universe.

    As a recovering Independent Fundamental Baptist PK (after being shunned as an “abomination” at age 15 in 1977), beaten to the quotation of scriptures, and forced out of my home and faith community, I struggled my entire life with this existential fluffy-metaphysical being filled with human emotions like jealousy and rage, somewhere outside of me who was constantly struggling to “get inside of me”. Through prayer and fasting God was going to CHANGE ME and make everything right; of which I never deserved, of course. I was taught God was outside me, Today, I realize Love, Light, and Goodness were always within me, fighting like hell to come out.

    It took absolute desperation, and recovery from a life of drugs and alcohol to make me willing enough to attempt any sort of a relationship with a god of my new understandings. Basically, I had to unlearn every legalistic and elitist fundamental notion I thought I knew about God before I could DO anything different. Then, I had to look at everyone around me differently, too – more from an egalitarian perspective.

    Today, at 51, and merely from the context of my own experience, I understand the distracting, divisive, and defeating consequences of legalistic arguments from the elitist views of “sola scriptura” and verbal plenarism prevalent throughout many evangelical cults and fundamentalism as a whole. One might consider such is the effect of self-serving actions and fear-based desire to always be “right”. It is arrogant and foolish to even consider I am going to know or understand everything, or everything about God. Constantly arguing with scriptures to prove anything to everyone only shows how I think of me, and what I think of others; not what others, or even God might think of me.

    Better actions help to improve my thoughts of me. Although I relapse in my thinking from time to time, I am comfortable with not knowing, and not always being right; and today I struggle less with understanding God, and I rather like this new me.

    I admire your ability to question the common thoughts and teachings of fundamentalist beliefs. For some, to question religious authorities is to question scriptures; to question the source of doctrines and dogma is to question God himself. Heaven forbid we ever “wrestle with God”!

    From my humble perspective and perception, I believe God doesn’t expect us to be right in our thinking all the time. If we were, we would never have an opportunity to grow in humility or grace. Perhaps, God merely desires that we try to show it a little more in our actions towards others.

    In your articles, I hear the compassion you are experiencing. Thank you for sharing your insights from what you now see around you.

    I look forward to your future thoughts and posts.

  • James the Apostate

    Great thoughts, Lynn! Recovering Fundie here, too. Thank you for sharing the refuge from fundamentalism perspective. Today, I identify more Deist/Universalist than atheist, with episodic militant “agnostic” outbursts because I find certain contentment and freedom in “not knowing”, while quick to point out the limited understandings of others, too. Like you, I also easily subscribe to “God is Love” (and all Good things), far surpassing our limited and isolated experiences and understanding of such human emotions.

    I used to confuse Love with a “dream-like-warm-fuzzy-feeling-I-got-when-somebody-was-doing-something-wonderful-TO-me”. Today, I realize Love is a verb … an action … something we DO. Simply, “Love” is a conscious choice to anonymously surrender my will (“my will” = “my thoughts”/”my desires”) for another’s, without conditions or expectations – free and with no strings attached.

    After abandoning my fundamentalist beliefs and traditions, through a painful process and experience of identifying and surrendering so many deep, learned, and common (mis)understandings of God, suddenly, the “God-Thing” became so much bigger.

  • Lynn

    Vivian I am just reading your comment and hoping you see this, two months after the fact.

    Just wanted to say my heart is going out to you. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts many times in life. I was raised in a conservative / fundamentalist church too, and I do believe my struggle for psychological health and wholeness is related to that upbringing.

    Please know there is nothing wrong with you; you are worthy of love and you ARE lovable just by virtue of being you. There is no omnipotent hateful being you have to appease–that god is pure fiction, created by tribal societies many ages ago.

    I don’t pray but I am thinking of you tonight and hoping you feel yourself wrapped in love and light and freedom.

  • Gordo N Culp

    Gods love is shown through blessings. O belive in god but hes culturally biased, not to judgement entirely, but surely has set up lives, paths and personalities that would bmake it easier to be saved, tht is to hve faith. Ben corey is loved by god, thats why hes preaching love. But in the end times those who are loved are taking advantage nd steaing from god, by selling books bout the gospel. God says he wish he loved who he didnt. Not everone experiences the availabiity of love. There is much indefference betweeen the cultivted and the not. My prob is jealousy because im simply a lesser kind then gods fav. Women dont find me attrctive an i dont hve a good job. Which is the most. Commonly saught thin from most. But we set the standard. Of hpiness to those who were cultivted. Which isnt fair everyone wants to evolve find the best wife and job. For my kids, be fruitful and multiply. People live in wayyy differnt realities to which one ould interpret god loves him and. God hates him. Its up to the blesssed to stop worshipping their mammon and spread a gospel applicble to all. If 5 guys are dying regardless of beliefs , 1 israelite, 2 africans and a chinese baby. And only one ife can be saved. Its the israelite. Thats my dilema living not so blessed in super blessed country. It applies to jobs, reltionships ect. Its suply and demnd. Natural selection if yu will. The best look for the best to reproduce better. But why ould they go backwards and pick someone lower than their potential when they were born better than the other person is currently?

  • Gordo N Culp

    Your not god to say whonheturns his back on. Hell do it to who hewants

  • Gordo N Culp

    My neighbiur has a family and career. Im broke and single what about building my life? One cant do both. Especially in these days when time cntrols you

  • Caiman Cotton

    But if we listen to His everlasting Word, then this fact is clear. While we’ve been given responsibility of our own, leading to certain mistakes we could avoid, these are our own mistakes. Your fellow human is to blame, not God. God Himself, in Jesus Christ, suffered greatly.

  • Erik

    God resides in the storm and, yes, sometimes He is silent or at least seems to be.

  • Caiman Cotton

    “So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending
    the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, a voice came to him”
    -1 Kings 19:12
    “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6

    “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.” -Psalm 34:17-20

  • finewoman3

    Wow….I just came across this today while having reading 1 John 4: 7-16 then was praying to God regarding somethings going on in my life then the thought in my mind came “Does God hate me?” So i googled that question and this website came up and boy oh boy……you thought some of the same thoughts I have had…and still wrestle with on a daily basis. I have always had the god of punishment, ready to snuff me out, the god that sends the message “every little bad thing you think, do, say….i am there to punish you.”

    Reading this today made me realize that I too cannot live with this idea of god in mind. I want to change also. I am too old to be thinking this way …i am 53 years old. I want to have the thought that God is love….and He does love me.

  • Matthew

    What is an out of the closet gay guy supposed to do when he was raised to believe in a God that hates ‘fags’ and ‘queers’ but wants to have a loving relationship with a deity that doesn’t care about his orientation? It feels like my broken heart and all that’s gone wrong this far is God’s way of punishing me for being gay. It seems like it’s a hassle to pray constantly pleading the receiver to not be against my preference.

  • So Sad

    All i ever wanted from God was to meet the right woman to settle down with instead of marrying the wrong woman that cheated on me. Now all alone and have no one, and that is sad for many of us. Then again, the women today aren’t very nice at all to meet.

  • The Truth

    No not yet. but today many women will be dating the Creepiest looking bad boy type of men that i have ever seen in my life. Go figure. I am really Convinced that God is punishing me for some Unknown Reason that i don’t know about not to have a love life.

  • Anastacialily Bloom

    I struggle so much with this. In daylight when I have friends around me, it’s not so bad. But in the dark 3 am loneliness it’s unbearable. Intellectually I don’t even believe most of the bible, but that divide breaks down when I am scared. I will save this for the next time I am up pacing, to read and feel less alone. Like JT, I struggle with guilt for leaving church, and sometimes it hurts more than I can say.

  • Peace be with you.

  • Th

    It’s hard for me to square your last couple of posts with our disagreement on universalism. Letting go of violence towards those weaker than us and the fear (terror) of God lends little to a continued case for annihilationism.

    Let’s just say I’m waiting for that Holy shoe to drop.


  • Anastacialily Bloom

    Thank you, and with you.

  • God loves us unto death!! We need not fear, He isn’t mad at us, all His anger was poured on the body of Jesus!!

  • bpr

    Man, did you crawl inside my head or what? Holy crap dude. Thanks for writing this. Keep me in your prayers please.

  • You got it, Bryan. Peace be upon you.

  • Donna

    I somehow missed this post when it first came out. This is my Christian life in a nutshell. I appreciate your insights, as they always seem to be spot on. I have no answers, except that God seems to be calling me to trust and be open to living with uncertainty, and to avoid too much exposure to hyper-Calvinists.

  • Kevin Thomas

    I don’t think God was angry at all– But then again I’m not a Penal Substitution guy…Christus Victor makes so much more sense to me.

  • The Absolutely

    Well it is Very Obvious why married men will always Live much longer than us single men, Right?

  • Jerry

    I know a few ladies. Where do u live?

  • Jerry

    Ummm….. Haven’t you guys read the book of Daniel? This book has prophecies for both the Anointed One and the destruction of the temple, both of which occurred in 1st century ad. The dead seas scrolls found in qumran had 8copies of the book of Daniel carbon dated to 125 bc. My point is this…..

    We have a book that predicted the future. That proves God intervened then, and it supports the notion that God intervenes now.

    Maybe I have the wrong definition of a fundie, but you can still accept the Bible as authoritative without perceiving the Father as angry dad.

  • Mr_Galt

    Ben, this piece really resonated with me. It made me feel like maybe I can change my own feelings about the two “Gods”. Thanks for writing it.

  • Rose Demers

    every time i do something wrong, i felt like God – peace be upon Him – hated me for it. sometimes i still do. its part of the reason i rejected faith for a while. now i am trying to renew my relationship with God. its very difficult and stressful, but i know that someday i can find peace with God. i did as a child, why cant i now?

  • Seriously

    Well it was certainly meant to be for my aunt and uncle that are starting their 67th year together. Hey God, what about us?

  • tammy ardoin

    Can’t thank you enough for sharing this. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to come across someone else who has had these feelings, thoughts. @Rick Allen, I’ve too wanted to be annihilated if this was the God I was dealing with. I keep telling myself that emotions are unruly and that logic tells me that God loves me; however, my life seems to be one rejection after the next (of course I need to consider who I am being rejected by). Although, I have gone to church and have exchanged numbers with others who have been in church for more than a minute only to have them not have time for me. Amazingly disappointing and sad. I keep going hoping against hope.

  • GC

    How do you explain evil, or just bad things happening, without the idea that they are punishment?

  • Herm

    I thought, as I was growing up, that I must be evil because my parent’s punished me so often. I vowed to be the perfect parent when I realized in my heart and in my mind, by the time I became an adult, that I was no more “evil” than anyone else on Earth who was, also, sincerely and daringly searching for the Truth. I thought I had managed to be the father who only presented my children with time outs along with loving “sermons” to teach them the truth of right from wrong. It was a shock to me when each of my late teens children shared that they thought for certain I punished them for their evil, their wrong doing.

    Evil is destructive and good is productive/constructive … so begins the “sermon”. Bad things happen because we are graced the power of our freedom to choose in the image of our Father. There are infinitely more options to choose from that are destructive than are most constructive. We suffer from our choices and not our Father’s choice that we might live or His intervention in our behalf. It is our Father who intervenes between life and death when if left to our own devices the consequence of our actions would surely be death, infinitely more likely than life. This would have been true for all our children if left without our loving intervention for no child is capable of, beginning with an ignorant heart and mind beyond instinct, providing for her/himself.

    The most difficult task a loving parent has to do is to let the controlling reins out appropriately that their child will get the strengthening scars of near independent learning so as to survive to be able to independently choose to love their own child so much that they too would choose, if necessary as did Jesus by our Father’s love, to die that their child might live. It was my parental option to secure and provide for my children in sterile rubber rooms. To truly love them I had provide an environment where they could painfully struggle, and I painfully observe, to learn and grow to make the most productive and constructive choices throughout their lives for themselves and later theirs.

    As a Christian I believe that my older Brother intervened when most necessary that His carnal siblings, all of mankind, might survive in spite of our destructive choices. I have been graced to have survived to learn and experience more than my parents and I honor them for their love to provide, nurture and intervene for me. I have grown to know how very little I know as a child of God. I have grown to know that I will remain dependent upon my Father’s and Brother’s interventions well past this carnal life that I might live to actually love productively and constructively as do They eternally. They don’t punish me, They save me from the unbearable brunt of those otherwise natural consequences derived from my ignorant and destructive choices.

    I have grown to feel and think as freely, peacefully and joyfully as I did when I was a toddler playing with my family who obviously loved to intervene, nurture, teach and provide all good for me. I have grown to know that I have earned nothing in my life that is good and have been graciously forgiven for my erring evil.

    I have even been provided with a Family Counselor who continually teaches me how to be more productive and constructive in all that I choose. I am not punished by my Family, I am divinely loved.

    Love you, great question!

  • Guest

    I was moved by your story until I read your bio. Man, you have nothing to be upset with God about. Your CV is one success after another. Try facing him when every effort you made ended in failure. Meantime, stop moaning.

  • Mr. Nobody

    Am I seeing this correctly? My posts are being deleted?

  • Mr. Nobody

    I was moved by your story until I read your bio. Man, you have nothing to be upset with God about. Your CV is one success after another. Try facing him when every effort you made ended in failure. Meantime, stop moaning.

  • Mr. Nobody

    Whew. Thought I was wrong. That seemed a tad out of character. Thanks Ben.

  • Lowne Wolfe

    You haven’t solved the problem at all. I see no solution here only an acknowledgment of the problem. Your words offer no resolution of the problem…only confirmation of it’s existence…thanks?

  • Lowne Wolfe

    you make no sense…and offer no answer…just more blind “thinking”, ok great…but what’s the point? You offer none. You have nothing to say other than to acknowledge this problem exists. Why did you attempt to answer the question you have no answer for? You offer nothing in return to this question…what was your purpose in typing? There is absolutely nothing in your text???

  • Herm

    I have even been provided with a Family Counselor who continually teaches me how to be more productive and constructive in all that I choose. I am not punished by my Family, I am divinely loved.

  • Lee

    When some of you “Christians” begin questioning whether or not God hates you, First read this parable in Mathew 22:1 The wedding Garment…
    Then ask yourself this question. Have you even been washed in the blood of Christ? Maybe it is possible that you do well believing in “your Religion” but you don’t believe in Christ and you certainly don’t believe in the Father. You see Christ is the Word of God and if you don’t believe in Gods Word then you cannot believe in Christ.
    And as is said in 2 Thessalonians “because they believed not the truth, God would send them a strong delusion that they would believe a lie that they all might be damned who believed not the truth”. Yes GOD would send them a Delusion! Believe it!

    Did you believe that Lie? Did you believe that all you needed to do was to “Accept Christ in your heart as your personal savior” and that Baptism was a outward sign of an inward dedication? a Public testimony?
    And yet you travel the world over protesting that you have been “Born again” and that you have the knowledge of God and you Question whether or not he now hates you, denying him once again even after you have denied him from the beginning?
    Why are you cast out why do you fear God is it not because YOU have not the wedding Garment and yet you protest to be in attendance?

    How Dare You! How can you possibly consider Baptism to be of little significance when He sent John to bring it to his people “preparing the Way”
    What did John Come for? What did he preach? He Preached Baptism and Christ! and How dare you consider Baptism Insignificant when Even Christ himself Needed to be Baptized! and YOU DON’T?

    Baptism is For the remission of Sins it is where you receive the Gift of the Holy Spirit and it is where you are washed in the blood of Christ. This is what the WORD says and if you don’t believe the Word then what exactly do you believe in? A lie?

    “I don’t believe that”, you say… why because there is No precedence? Baptism came out of nowhere its just some made up ceremony? There is and It did not and it is not.
    What washed the way the sin of the world in the time of NOAH? Water! and being surrounded by water on all sides Noah was baptized in the Flood.

    When were the Israelites truly freed from the bondage of Egypt? when they Crossed through the sea being surrounded by water on all sides they were baptized in it and while coming out the other side the Egyptians were washed away freeing them from those they were in bondage to. otherwise known as SIN.

    Does God Hate you? I think its quite possible He never knew you. because you have turned your back on his Son, The Word of God and refused to follow his commandments. ” Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel. He that believes and is Baptized shall be saved and he that believes not shall be damned.

    So many of you! SO many have erred from the truth right from the start!

    You must believe that Christ is the Son of God (not the Father) and you must Repent from your sins and be Baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and, the Holy spirit. That is his COMMANDMENT. and as he says “why call me lord lord and do not the things I say”?

    The answer to the Question….. The Father chastises those he loves. and the rest, those that follow the lies and worship Idols (including the Cross and statues of saints etc) they are left to chance and Satan.
    there are a great many who claim to be Christians in this world and there are Very Few that actually Are. You Don’t believe that? Consider this.

    After the Father saved the Israelites from Egypt? how many of them did he Destroy in the Wilderness of those that were saved? A lot! and out of all those People who were saved, only Two made it to the promised land.
    These are not myths people. its time to wake up.

  • DrKraig

    See the message above? That’s why I wonder if God hates me.

    My heart longs for a simple life with a God, but when I try to figure out how, this is the crap that I encounter…most of which I don’t even understand.

    So congratulations Lee. You’ve turned away yet another seeker at the gate.

  • Herm

    DrKraig, I wish you the peace and joy of a little child trusting your Father to provide, nurture and love you without end! Peace! Let our Father and Brother do the heavy feeling, thinking, judging, leading and administering. Let’s, you and I, allow the amicable Advocate of God to share with us all in our behalf as we need like the children of God we want to be. Love you!

  • Anna

    If you are an example of a true Christian, no wonder people are atheists. You fundies need to come down off your high horse and show some compassion and love. The bible also says judge ye not, love your neighbor, do unto others. I wish you were fundamentalist about those doctrines. People are human and they do struggle. We all need to experience compassion at one time or another. Please think about this

  • Anna

    Honey, don’t listen to lee. We all struggle and have questions. You are not alone. Keep seeking. Be careful who you confide in. Lots of Christians are compassionate. I am sending you a big hug

  • Anna

    God and I both love you Matthew.

  • Lee

    Anna, It is impossible that speaking the word of God and being an example of a true Christian would make someone become an atheist. People become Atheists out of their own rebellious heart, it isn’t that they don’t believe or cant believe it is that they Will not believe because they have chosen to reject the Father and it is because of this rejection in their heart that the father has in turn rejected them. giving them over to their own lusts to defile themselves and it is through their own actions not mine, not yours and not the Fathers or the Sons but through Their actions that they condemn themselves.

    Its funny to me when People like you always know the standard Judge Ye Not, Love your Neighbor and do unto others. and if you Read your first Few lines what do you Do???

    You judge, You accuse, You insult, You lable/stereotype.

    Christ said for the record “judge not lest ye be Judged”

    In other words you must hold others to the same standards as yourself if you condemn someone for lying and continue to Lie yourself then you will cast your own judgement. He also said “judge not according to the appearance but Judge Righteous Judgement”.

    Love your neighbor, He also said love your enemy.

    Yet David Prophesied of Christ in Psalms 109 Where he Condemns ALL those that were his enemies and curses them and their Children. here is a small excerpt.

    Psalm 109:6

    6 Appoint someone evil to oppose my enemy;
    let an accuser stand at his right hand.
    7 When he is tried, let him be found guilty,
    and may his prayers condemn him.
    8 May his days be few;
    may another take his place of leadership.
    9 May his children be fatherless
    and his wife a widow.
    10 May his children be wandering beggars;
    may they be driven away from their ruined homes
    11 May a creditor seize all he has;
    may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.
    12 May no one extend kindness to him
    or take pity on his fatherless children.
    13 May his descendants be cut off,
    their names blotted out from the next generation.

    Anyway, you get the point, I hope….
    What my original Post was, was an answer to the Question of “Does God hate me?”
    and in short the Answer is, maybe you think you have God in your life but In reality you don’t and the reason is because you have rejected him and not Followed his Commandment.

    From the Beginning the Commandment to be Born again is believe in Jesus Christ as the son of God and then Being Baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy spirit.

    For those that have not done so there is a Good chance that they have not been saved so yes for them it might feel like God hates them. Because they are on their own like a child without a parent wandering the wilderness (a lot of bad can happen in that scenario).

    “Accepting Christ into your heart as your personal savior” and teaching that “baptism is not necessary” but is just an “outward sign of an inward dedication a Public testimony” is a Lie! there is no way around that truth.

    I am in No way a Fundie or Fundamentalist. I do not belong to any religious organization that you would no of nor do I attend any religious functions. I am not recruiting, nor am I looking for Donations of any kind. I’m just a Nobody giving out the truth for free to those that want it.

  • Lee

    I don’t see the problem. You want a simple life with God and I just spelled out the way. If you don’t want to follow the way. That’s a choice you make and has nothing to do with me.

    I could see if I said that in order to become a Christian you had to Climb mount Everest 10 times and then shave your head and only eat sardines everyday for breakfast lunch and dinner. Yeah that makes a lot of sense, I would agree i just turned away another seeker at the Gate.

    But that isn’t what I said at all. what I said was In short that Churches and preachers today are teaching a lie which is that Baptism isn’t necessary for salvation and that all you need to do is to accept Christ in your heart as your personal savior.
    That’s all a lie or as you say “Crap”
    and if that is the way you “became born again” I’m sorry to say You are not Born again no more so then if you had Climbed Everest and the other ridiculous doctrine I mentioned above would have made you born again.

    You Got Catholics, Jehovah witnesses, Mormons, Baptists, Lutherans, Pentecostals, Non denominational etc….. etc…

    all professing to Know God or to Be saved. There is no way that can be true..

    There is only one way.

    But even in the time when Christ was alive the Jews argued about Doctrines and Sacraments. Some believed in the Resurrection and some didn’t. Some were outcasts for their beliefs and Some of them their Beliefs led them to Crucify the Son of God.

    Personally I believe (not scriptural) there are many people that walk the Earth today that claim to be Christian (but are not) and if he were to return they Would Crucify him Again! if it were possible!

    Anyway if you want a relationship with God then my advice is Read the Word yourself daily and pray for Knowledge and wisdom, stay out of “church” until you are strong enough to fight off the Lies.. and when you are ready to Be born again then Go and Be Baptized in the name of the Father , the Son and the Holy spirit and start your new life!

  • Lee

    Again ANNA,
    What exactly did I say that was Scriptural Incorrect?
    DRkraig didnt Post a Question to me. Formally Fundie Posted an Article and I responded to it, THE ARTICLE.

  • DrKraig

    The problem isn’t what you say. I was steeped in that very doctrine from birth. The way you express it is the problem. There’s no love. There’s no compassion. You just want to be right, and that turns everything you say into nothing.

    I pleaded with God continually to know him personally, intimately. I was tired of a pretend faith. I wanted a real relationship. Then the storm started. I believed God when my wife died of cancer. I held fast when I lost my business, home and life savings. I still believed while homeless, sleeping in the Walmart parking lot. Though I felt defeated, I continued on in faith when I was diagnosed with diabetes. What I needed during the last 10 years was someone to put their arm around my shoulder reassure me that all is well, and that I was still loved by God. That he didn’t hate me, for some reason. What I got all along was lectures such as yours, and being beaten senseless by believers hurt as much as the other events occurring in my life.

    I don’t want to get beat up by “real” Christians anymore.

    So you’re right Lee. You win. Go and savor your victory. I’m a filthy sinner that doesn’t know the REAL faith.

    I’m sure Jesus is proud of you.

  • DrKraig

    Thank you Herm. I do feel like I’m coming out of a long black tunnel.

  • I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, and all of your other struggles.

    May God’s peace rest upon you and may you come to know and experience in the depths of your being, the vast love he has for you.

  • Herm

    I thank you for sharing with me. My arm is around your shoulder right now and I am telling you all is well for you have never been not loved by God.

    I’ve been in a tunnel of total loss and couldn’t find my way out until I gave up trying. I laid down to finally rest and thanked God for the opportunity to feel loss so deeply. I gave up my heart and mind to Him. It’s been twenty years now, I’m 70, and my wife today who inserted herself into my life just after I declared it lost was named by her parents Dorothy (in Greek her name means “gift of God”). To me she is the Dot connecting Herm with God. There is no sense of any tunnel any longer. The Guide who filled my painfully empty heart and mind comforted me and led me out.

    We cannot return to the peace and joy of a healthy little child (if we were graced with one in our beginning) until we give ourselves up (free of all traditional baggage) for adoption into the divine family of God. We still retain the value of grief for the relationships with what and who we knew and have lost a shared continuance. God shares the load to help us appreciate the now much more because we get to retain the heart felt memory of the then. What was lives on through us. I thank my Father that He doesn’t share His load of grief with me.

    You are coming out savor the difference! Love you and, again, thanks!

  • Dean O’Bree

    Hi Brother,

    I am so sorry for your pain, heartache and loss. You did not deserve it, and I don’t have all the answers for you.

    Let is try to slow things down a little bit, if we can. Let us look at the word and not at human understanding. I hope this is ok? I myself am in the midst of a few challenges and am trying to understand, but; If any person beats you with the word, that word is not from GOD.

    JESUS did not beat or humble any person with the word, and HE was the word.

    We have a choice to live under law (613 laws, each law has a blessing and a curse) or under grace (Christ crucified). Please let us start with Romans 10 v 9-10 because it is all about JESUS, not us. We take another step forward and look at Matthew 6v33. What is GOD’s righteousness? The answer is JESUS.

    Please read and spend time on Romans 8( I read the NKJV or NIV because my mind is very basic) and ask GOD to stop your pain, hurt and feeling of rejection.

    ABBA father, we come to you now in the name of JESUS Christ and ask that you send the HOLY Spirit to reveal, renew and restore your fathers heart to us. We ask that YOU break every negative word, every curse, every negative prophesy, every negative seed sown by us or against us over our lives through the blood of JESUS and replace this with your perfect will for us. We receive this now through the blood of JESUS. Amen.

    Sorry again bro, you are the head and not the tail, you are a child and not a slave, you are a miracle.

  • Anna

    You are not speaking the word of God if you don’t demonstrate love and compassion. what I said was truthful, not judgmental. Are you denying that you were unloving in your response to this article? Which in turn negatively affected drkraig

  • Anna

    The better question is: what did you say that showed compassion? I know you were responding to the article but your insensitivity hurt other people. I know people who have suffered one tragedy after another. They may doubt God, get depressed, even reject God. You know what? Life is full of bullshit. We need to love and comfort these people first and foremost.

  • Joe Quattrone

    Hope I find the answer someday??!!

  • Lisa

    No one has answers necessarily. Orthodox and Catholicism have been around since the beginning and yet reform rejects them. I thought I was a protestant but how could the first 1000 years be completely wrong about who God is. Protestantism is in such disarray and I can’t help but believe that God has unity and organization. Why is knowing God so hard?

    Isaiah 55:8-9English Standard Version (ESV)

    8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
    9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

    Some say we have free will, Catholic and Orthodox some say it’s predetermined Calvinism.

    Proverbs 22:6New King James Version (NKJV)

    6 Train up a child in the way he should go,
    And when he is old he will not depart from it.

    I wasn’t even trained to say please and thank you does that me God rejected me? I don’t know. When I see the kindness of Jesus I say no when I see the wrath of God I say yes. Old testament indicates that he cuts off branches of families who reject him, Jesus says all that come to me I will in no way cast out.

    “If God is for me who could be against me”? The question is, is God for me?

  • Lisa

    God is Love, the problem for me is what is Gods definition of Love? Everybody defines love in there own way but how does God define it. Also, for almost 2000 years the bible used the word charity way more than love, the word charity has been replaced with the word love. Does anyone else see this as confusing?

  • Lisa

    King James Bible
    I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

    New International Version
    I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.

  • Po Boy

    Feces expelled is not Holy. The Arc of the Covenant was Holy. God killed anyone who touched it while it was being carried… And you call feces, excrement Holy?

    Please repent and never say that phrase again. It is a Satanic utterance.

  • Po Boy

    He’s got it?

    Maybe you should read a little closer before endorsing something.

  • Po Boy

    How many months did you spend with her? How much of your heart did you fully open to her, or did you ignore your instincts? True love is found in fewer cases than people actually finding the Way to Heaven. (Matthew 7:14)

    We want to blame everyone but ourselves. The truth is our own foolishness is as much to blame as someone elses wickedness.

    Sex with someone outside of marriage destroys your ability to see her dark side. That is why the Bible says that fornication (Sex outside of marriage) destroys, and does not build up.

  • Po Boy

    You are not gay. I struggle with homosexuality. It is a demonic affliction. Overcoming it is the most horrific, difficult, terrible thing you will ever do, but overcome it you must. Do you have the guts to deny your “Orientation”?

    What about the man who feels like he is “Oriented” to little children? Someone oriented to rape animals?

    Reject your orientation and seek Gods difficult will for you.

    No Christian who has ever lived has it harder than a homosexual who truly wants to come to Christ.

  • You are not gay. I struggle with homosexuality. It is a demonic affliction….

    What an awful thing to say. “Love” like this is what drives up the suicide rate.

    What about the man who feels like he is “Oriented” to little children? Someone oriented to rape animals?

    See, this is the kind of intentionally ignorant, vile, all-or-nothing equovication that drives atheists, agnostics, deists, and probably liberal Christians nuts.

    You’re basically saying here that because someone doesn’t follow your system of morality that they by definition have no morals at all.

    You’re saying that a culture which allowed people to work on the Sabbath must also allow murder to be legal–because both are banned in the Ten Commandments, so if you allow one you have to allow them all.

    Rape is not wrong just “because God said so”. Rape is wrong because it harms others and violates their rights. Children and animals cannot consent to this act your hypothetical wants to do to them, so it is immoral. Two informed adults can, on the other hand, consent to having sexual relations or dating or what have you. It doesn’t violate their rights, and it doesn’t cause harm.

    And yes, I’m aware that Conservative think-tanks and a few cherry-picked studies claim that being gay is unhealthy. But those opinions are not shared by the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the American Counseling Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and dozens of other groups made up of experts who have studied the issue.

    Deny your own orientation if you wish, but don’t force others into the ever-tightening spiral of inescapable guilt.

  • Mike

    I don’t know enough about you to have an opinion on why you felt God hates you. But you are absolutely wrong on most people picturing God as an angry God who should be feared. It’s exact opposite. Most people have turned all the passages of fear of the Lord into a reverential fear. That’s how arrogant and prideful we have become as a people. Even the apostle Paul said ( Phillipians 2:12) to work out your salvation in fear and ” trembling”. I have a reverential fear or respect when I look at God’s creation of the sky, mountains and stars ect. But the passages in scripture, particularly the Old Testament, people were terrified of God. Somehow, here in America, in a country that prides itself on being “proud”( which by the way was what caused This war between God and Satan) we have turned the God of scripture into a manageable God that fits our arrogant expectations of how we believe God should handle us. The God in scripture is a God of love, grace, peace but also a jealous, angry, and vengeful God as well. Thank God he has patience and is forgiving as well. Let’s stop skipping the uncomfortable passages of God’s description and start teaching others to heed his warnings. We’ve diluted the Gospel and the nature of God in our ignorance due to pride.

  • Why do you think that God hates you? Probably because the Bible inescapably teaches that you are sinful, damaged, broken, and set against God in your heart.

    It’s not just a bug invented by fundagelicals. It’s actually a feature right there in the text of the Bible itself. You are the one doing all the extra hard work to find the “loving God” within all the horrors of the Bible.

    I don’t care how many time you’re told “But God loves me anyway,” or “Jesus’ sacrifice has washed away my sin;” when a key tenant of your worldview is that all humans are against God and deserve death, that makes a serious impact on how you see yourself.

  • Okay, so you’ve cleared that up for us. It’s not bad theology or rampant hatred within some denominations that puts people off your God. It’s that they haven’t completed the Magic Ritual in the proper magical way.

    These are not myths people. its time to wake up.

    As you describe them, I would say they are nightmares, and you are still deeply dreaming yourself.

  • And lest anyone think I’m exaggerating, I’d like you to notice how many of the comments here are people telling you, “You’re wrong, people should be more scared of God, not less.”

  • So congratulations Lee. You’ve turned away yet another seeker at the gate.

    I don’t see the problem. You want a simple life with God and I just spelled out the way.

    This is EXACTLY the problem with basing your belief system on “faith”, instead of, you know, evidence or real life. You get direct testimony right to your face of how your approach isn’t working, and your only recourse is to assume it must be the other guy’s fault.

  • Po Boy

    No, I am sorry, but you are wrong.

    Deviating from your born biological purpose is what drives up the suicide rate.

    Every gay person in the world could have the total acceptance and approval of every human being on Earth and they would still be depressed- because they would still be deviating from Gods plan for their lives.

    Atheists, deists, liberal Christians who deny Christ and do not obey Him will end up in Hell, suffering in indescribably horrific agony for eternity- their agony will never end. I am sorry, but how they feel and what they think is of no concern to me, unless they want to repent.

    You are saying, basically, that everything is okay, and everything is good, morality is subjective. That is one of Satans biggest lies, and I suggest you follow it through in your mind logically. I bet no doubt you will say “As long as nobody is harmed…” well that changes. Muhammad married a 6 year old girl and raped her at age 9- that was commonplace. They would not say that she was harmed…

    Gods Word never changes.

    “Two informed adults can consent…”

    Yes, and homosexuals generate 75% of all new cases of sexual transmitted disease, including HIV. In their emptiness they chase more excitement- don’t lie to me and tell me I am wrong, I HAVE LIVED IT.

    So you are saying, in essence, that you approve of “Consenting, ***informed***” adults spreading disease?

    Did you know many homosexuals commit suicide? It has little to do with how they are accepted- homosexuality is more accepted today than ever before. No, it goes against the fact that the anus was never meant to be sexually penetrated. The penis was not designed to inseminate the anus or mouth, and the male soul was never designed to be so intimate with another male soul.

    What, you think this is a joke? You think these things have no repercussions?

    You dare say you are enlightened and sympathetic, yet you support suicide, and disease, risky behavior that claims thousands of lives a year?

    Only dating in celibacy for years, then marrying in monogamy when you know your mate is the one, will bring anyone happiness. Anything else is empty, shallow, foolish, and very dangerous.

    I could not care less what your big letter associations claim, they were lobotomizing people not too long ago.

    People are wrong. Studies are proven wrong continually.

    Gods Word is real. It is true. And it never returns void.

    Repent, and turn from the lunacy of loose living.

  • Ah, so you’re just trolling.

  • Dave

    Who is troling now?

  • Dave

    Spoken as someone truly spiritually blind.

  • Dave

    It is going to make many sinning unbelievers uncomfortable, angry, vexed, suicidal, etc to have the truth preached to them. So you are saying nobody should ever tell them the truth? That is unbiblical.

  • Dave

    Yes, life is filled with it. But the reason so many are suffering is because seeker friendly people water down the Gospel so much that nobody is ready for real trials and difficulty. Nobody wants to hear that knowing God is going to make your life ten times harder than if you knew nothing of him. Nobody wants to hear about the terrible trials and suffering you are going to endure as God puts you in fire… Melting, burning, searing the dross off of you. It hurts and it sucks. For people like me my trials are more than my good days. Every day is a struggle every day there is difficulty. And its been this way for thirty plus years. I have suffered so much because of “kind” seeker friendly preachers who lied to me and told me that God wouldn’t let me suffer. That is simply not true. To know God is to know pain.

  • Dave

    No substance. No reply. This is the retort of one with nothing left to say. You are the troll, coming on a faith based website and bashing our beliefs.

  • Wow.

  • SoSad

    I was with her for almost 15 years before the Whore Cheated on me which wasn’t my fault at all. Many women as you can see love to Cheat a lot, especially these days. I was a very good husband to her which it wasn’t good enough for her. And today Most of the women are to Blame for Most divorces since many of them like sleeping around so much, and it is a real good thing that we had much better women years ago that made good wives otherwise many of us men never would’ve been around today. Very hard to find a good woman again that Can commit to just one man which many of them were very Committed to their men back then.

  • Waxil Davidson

    There’s no god stupid.

  • Robert Gantry

    Ya know, I was just reading online other peoples’ stories about feeling hated by God. One person pointed out that God didn’t even hate Paul, who as Saul, even murdered Christians. God didn’t hate HIM… But guess what. That goes to reinforce my belief that LIKABLE people can get away with even murder, just because they’re likable. I think that’s true with God as well. If God likes you, you’re good to go whether you do anything worthy of life or not. No matter how hard I pray, how hard I try to be a good man, God is going to hate me. No. I’ll not turn to the devil for love, but at the same time I have to just face the fact that I am not among God’s favorites, in fact I’m among his least favorites. What a suckie realization.

  • patvhc

    OMG, I cannot believe some of these responses. Benjamin Corey, I hear you loud and clear and I’m right there with you. It’s a heart wrenching journey…this thing we call life. Sometimes it’s too difficult. I often want to give up.

  • Anonymous

    I suggest you take off your ignorance understanding. Have you ever thought of the creation of the world? I mean no disrespect but you have do a little more research so you can come up with a perfect dissertation.

  • chrisq

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. Same here. If this is God’s love, I wish he would love someone else. Life really sucks.

  • Jango Soprano

    I suffer from the same thing. Look at David. God loved him. I believe every word of the Bible and have prayed my heart out. I still feel nothing from our Savior, yet he is blessing people around me that break his word. I feel favoritism is at play. I feel sacrilegious for just writing this, but I have no idea what to do and feel nothing but criticism when I attend church.

  • Jango Soprano

    Lee, I have been baptized. I have laid at the altar and cried out for my sins to be forgiven, not to mention the times I have laid on my floor begging for God to just speak to me. I have attended churches and gotten the same cruel treatment that you have just shown. Way to go bud. Thanks for the lifting of the self esteem…………

  • JM

    Well then again, many women are Losers these days. And it is bad for us good men that keep meeting the Wrong ones.

  • jaxx

    Brother, I am glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m right there with you. I have felt that God is either capricious in His blessings or he has a list of who He likes and who He doesn’t. I can’t figure out what I did so bad to be on the latter.

  • rose

    I wish I could get to this point. All I see is a God who does not care

  • But don’t we feel this way when we assume the bad things of life come from God.. When actually, don’t you think the world and life is as it is because of all choices of mankind, and people, since the beginning? And the only other option is if we were some sort of robots.. No thinking ability, thus no ability to make choices.. then paradise would have remained as God made it, paradise and perfect.. Except for no rational creatures! So perhaps HE didn’t think that to be perfect. “God is the savior of all” 1 Tim 4:10. And according to quantum physics, aren’t we helping, to a degree, to shape our life and days by what we think? Our thoughts of today affecting our tomorrow? God bless!

  • godlovesme

    I feel like this too often. My sister is a rich pastor who has everything. I have nothing. We are both saved but our lives are so different. She has everything and I have nothing. I feel judged by God. I say He loves me but don’t really believe it.

  • dodo

    I to have had the same conflict in me. Everything you were saying it was like you were reading my life , when it comes to relationships, my life was fine till i fell head over heals for a girl, she broke up amd she told me to find god through this and he can help. I was angry and it started a love / hate relationship with god. But i ralized ive always had that inner thought of rught and wrong god talking to me. I use to be a bully in school , but i always felt god speak to me and say is the way you want to be remembered.
    Im always my own worst enemy and like most here im sure your the same. But god does not want that from us. I hardly know the bible . But i dont think that is the issue, i feel thats why god loves kids cause there not programmed and still care free. Dont be so hard iin yourself. I too walk around lost and alone cause i cant deal with this fake world.
    But maybe thats why the devil makes it so hard on us , this is our journey to overcome. Why would satan waste his time on ppl he knows are easy to manipulate., thtas why we constantly struggle , cause as some ppl say we get stubborn and prideful and try to do it by ourselves. I think its more our thought process . Then gods willing

  • Jango Soprano

    I feel your pain Can. I have pursued God most of my adult life. So much so that it hurts and all I have gotten from the church is being made a pariah. Don’t get me wrong. I am not going to get on the church/Christian bashing bandwagon. I just don’t understand the snobbery and the back turning.

  • godlovesme

    I can understand how you feel like this. I too wrestle with similar thoughts. My only answer to myself is to keep walking by faith. I have no other answer but to keep trusting God.

  • godlovesme

    Life is hard. I feel the same way. Since I got saved it’s been HELL. My sister since she got saved has had heaven. I don’t understand it and sometimes I feel like God hates me so much. All I know to do is just trust and keep going. Maybe God just sees in me so much sin I need all the trials and pain to chisel me.

  • godlovesme

    For me I long for real christians to talk to and divulge things to, but when I’ve tried I’ve been judged. I felt God’s presence yesterday but today I feel once again that he is angry with me. I have an issue that I am so confused about and don’t know if God is judging me for it or if he’s not. I too would like to jump off the bus, but can’t/won’t. I have listened to some videos on youtube of people who went to heaven. Their stories give me hope that this world is my only hell. Someday if we keep following Jesus we will have joy in heaven. Endure to the end. Maybe we are just called to endure right now. Maybe that’s all we can do and should do at this season. Endure. I get tired of enduring, but we have to endure. CanAmer I relate to you completely and let’s just endure right now. I have no other answer.

  • godlovesme

    This is true. I feel the same way. It’s sad. It is sad to God too. I think He wants church to be different. American churches are cold at times.

  • godlovesme

    People interpret it differently because they don’t study enough or don’t lean on the Spirit. Problem is churches water it down. We have to lean on Jesus alone. I hear you though. Your posts are exactly what I feel like strangely. All I know to do is endure.

  • Bones

    So My yolk isn’t easy and My burden isn’t light.

    Don’t be too down on yourself.

    Most of the time it’s us putting ourselves down.

  • Bones

    Most of us suffer from a Western view of God…..the Judge who beats us over our head because of our sins instead of the Divine Healer who wants to heal us….

  • godlovesme

    we don’t believe God loves us because we are hurt over and over again by people. we think God doesn’t love us because people don’t. the church is supposed to be an expression of God’s love to the word and to each other. when we go to church and are abused via greedy preachers, unvulnerable people, prideful people, etc., we doubly think God doesn’t love us. the answer i believe is to spend time with God, find real Christians to fellowship with, and endure. and trust God. this life is hell and some of us just have to endure.

  • godlovesme

    The Lord showed me a long time ago that I view him as indifferent to me because my dad was. Lately I have been feeling like He utterly hates me. Today he showed me why. Has to do with my childhood. I think we view God as a human and he is not. I still wonder if he is judging me though. I don’t know. I feel guilty about some things I am not doing but I don’t know. This life is so hard.

  • Robert Logan

    You described my experience perfectly. I’ve encountered Christians who are Biblically literate, domineering, judgemental, prideful, and destructive. As a result I’m always uneasy. My counselor (a good Christian man) has directed me to mentally go to my “safe place”… Trouble is, I don’t have one. At times I feel safe “with” God, but its rare. I dare not be authentic and vulnerable with Christians. I know what they do to wounded, flawed men.

  • Snuff

    Yes, you sound extremely happy. Could it be you enjoy watching others suffer so you can tell them they’d ‘better straighten up or you won’t go to heaven…like me!’ My observation from having been born and raised in the fundamentalist church is that your particular species of Christian are strong proponents of schadenfreude.

    Why are you even here? If you haven’t been through what we have then why in the f*** do you think your pearls of ‘wisdom’ would be welcome here?

  • Belo

    I am going to have a great life, all my goals will be reached, no one is going to stop me from being happy and as much as god is willing to be a prostitute for other people’s bad wishes and bad will against me, not even he will deter me from achieving my goals and happiness.

  • Belo

    You should not consider yourself having a mental illness just because you don’t believe in a douche bag god.

  • Belo

    Shut up!

  • Belo

    The world wasn’t created knuckle head, have you ever studied science?

  • Belo

    I believe in god as much as I believe in the easter bunny, santa claus and the great pumpkin.

  • I had to realize, is the fault/problem, with God? Or our understanding of God? Then I discovered some study tools! So I can read the original words used. It really does make a difference! http://www.scripture4all.org/download/download_ISA3.php
    http://studybible.info/strongs/ :))

  • Bones

    Don’t do that dude.

    A young bloke in my church with a young family just topped himself this week.

    And yeah he was a Pentecostal…..

  • Ruby

    I am so glad I found this site! I have been longing to find other people who feel like me. I thought I was the only person in the world who felt like this and everyone else either didn’t believe in God at all, or were just self righteous judgemental Christians who have all the answers, but actually destroy those of us that are weaker in the faith by constantly telling us that we are not saved because we don’t think and feel the way they do. I just feel so broken, I don’t know what to do anymore.

    I constantly doubt God and doubt my salvation. I thought I got saved at 13 but went right away from God as a teenager. I thought I got saved at 19, but I have never truly felt saved, even though at the time I think I meant it, but I question my motives so often, like did I just want to go to heaven or just to make my husband (then boyfriend) happy that I was saved now? I have never had this “joy” that other “real” Christians supposedly have. For a long time I thought I was a serious Christian, I even called myself a fundamentalist in front of others at church and felt I meant it, but now I question whether any of that was genuine?

    I am now in my thirties. I have had good and bad times in my life. My childhood was not a happy one (I am a classic case of comparing God to my earthly father who I have no love for). I have had many hard times since too, the hardest being when I lost two of my children at birth.

    But I have a good life and a wonderful husband (he is a real Christian) and two lovely children, a good job and a lot to be grateful for. Yet I feel so empty and broken, I haven’t told anybody how I feel in church or in my family, as I am afraid of their judgements and what they will think. The only person I can talk to is my husband, he tries to understand, but he gets tired of me feeling like this, he gets insulted if I try and explain how I feel about God and why. I try not to mention it to him too often, but sometimes I just need someone to listen.

    I have been hurt by the church so badly over the past two years which has led me to feel worse. So many legalistic do gooders have crossed my path, which has destroyed what little faith I had in God. I want to love God, but he scares me. I want to be honest with other Christians, but I can’t as it seems none of them feel like this or if they do they would never admit it. At best Christians just say don’t listen to what others say, listen to what God tells us in his word but that is the problem…that makes me doubt God more, by what I read in the bible. I question him so much, I am scared to even share my deepest thoughts on what I feel about God, but I guess he already knows. I want to believe he loves me, but I see this angry needy God who needs us to love him, who commands our worship and has thought out the worst possible punishment for those who don’t turn to him…hell… I think maybe I see it that God thinks people would rather accept him rather than go to hell and yet some people would still rather take their chances with hell.

    I want to go to heaven though, but I just don’t know how to force myself to think like I should, to love and understand God, to make myself feel something I don’t, so I don’t go to hell. I knwo there will be Christiasns out there who just say you are not willing to accept the truth but I do, I accept God exists and Jesus is the son of God who died to save us from our sins. I believe the bible to be true. But I am struggling so much. I am such a fearful person. I always have been. I just want assurance of my salvation but all I hear from other Christians in that if you are truly saved you will feel a deep peace (I don’t) a joy and assurance in your heart (I don’t) that you will not be fearful as God takes that away and changes you (I still fear) and that you will bear fruits (I don’t feel that I do, although I cannot know what others see). All I feel is a deep hurting which won’t go away. Sometimes I manage to push it to the back of my mind or deep inside me and enjoy my life, other times it consumes me.

    Please, I don’t want the advice of an atheist or just another self righteous Christian (I have heard both side many times over the years) who is just going to tell me I haven’t repented correctly and don’t understand God because he is full of love and compassion yet he is a righteous angry God who is punishing me for feeling angry towards him. It is Christians like that which have helped me in my journey to feeling like this today.

    I just need to talk to another Christian who genuinely cares and who has doubts, fears and questions like I do. Sorry for such a long post, just think it might help to get some of my many thoughts out of my head and actually written down.

  • Ruby

    I feel just like you do. It is a relief at least to know I am not the only one. I feel perhaps we could help each other?

  • Ruby

    Thank you, I feel the same, was bought up a Christian and I believe the bible to be true. (sometimes I think it is easier for those who don’t) but I don’t see this God that other “Christians” see. The God in the bible seems angry, jealous and controlling. I feel as if he never really loved me. Like he is more interested in important Christians who are living amazing Godly lives. I can’t explain it to other Christians at church as they either don’t get it (or don’t want to admit they do) and get offended if I even give slight indication of what is going on in my head. I feel like God doesn’t care, he just wants to control us and if he can’t control us then he will damn us to hell for all eternity. I feel angry at God and I feel scared of God.

    On the outside I look like a normal middle class woman. My husband and are from the UK We live in a nice area, have a lovely house, run our own successful business, go to church twice on a Sunday, (my father in law in the Pastor) I am very happily married with two children. I am not what someone would expect if they met me, by how I say I feel on the inside, I appear to have it all and have it all together. But really feel empty, confused and scared. I will email you soon. I hope maybe we can help each other. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.

  • Ruby

    I have just sent you an email :)

  • Science is observation and does not disprove creation nor suggest evolution.. most think natural selection (of traits present!) is evolution as to origins. They are worlds apart. 2nd law of science alone strongly refutes ‘evolution’ as origins of life and universe.

  • Judgment, sinners.. etc.. all language geared for the ‘lowest’. God is life and perfection, when he endowed thinking ability a whole new world (or tree) of possibilities came about.. because with rationality comes the ability to make choices. And He’s letting it run its course.. or he could have made robots instead.. Imperfect is the opposite of God/Life. And that’s simply what we’re learning (good from evil / life from nonlife). “God is the savior (rescuer) of ALL” 1 Tim 4:10. ‘Hell’ is a mistranslation which should read “the grave” which is what mankind is rescued from – and imperfection.. You’ll see… One day..

  • We have habits of thinking which are deeply engraved neuron pathways we have burned by ..habits of thinking.. Yet our thoughts and words have creative power. I had to X out every negative thought and replace it with a praise or a thought of thanks-giving.. or at least with a positive thought. Peace will bring joy and praise brings joy. We – are the one in the driver’s seat. Not God. He is letting human rationality and the ability to make choices, an offshoot of thinking ability, run its course.. otherwise… robots? Also human translators who translated the bible versions have made a serious mistranlation and inserted the pagan idea of a ‘hell’ which changes our perception of God. But the Bible says “God is the savior of ALL” 1 Tim 4:10. Jesus said, “If I be lifted up from the Earth” (on the cross) “I will draw all to me” John 12:32, A symbol strong enough, ultimately, to pierce every psyche. This life, and human history, as it is (due to man’s choices) is an unavoidable journey (and lesson) if there’s to be thinking ability that is, because with thinking comes choice.. God is life and perfection.. to choose anything in thought, word or deed which differs with Him is to be(come) imperfect the opposite of life. We are learning good from evil / life from nonlife. ….One more thing, the anger in the Old Testament, most do not realize how prevalent the practice of human sacrifice was, especially of poor, defenseless children – offered alive in fire. What God worth His salt wouldn’t be a bit peeved?
    …And just think, because God iS life, he lives through, suffers and experiences all sufferings which-ever-occur.
    P.S. – the original word used, which is translated “sinner” is a word meaning to “miss the mark” – imperfection. And “hell’ should read, simply, “the grave”. “God is love” 1 Jn 4:8, all of it, thAt’s him. And “God is light and in him is NO darkness at all” 1 John 1:5. We have to align ourselves with Him, not He align himself with us. It’s hard. I was boxed in behind barrages of negative thoughts and thinking and their fruit also. If able, might as well start X’ing out and replacing every negative thought with a positive now.. The sooner we do, the sooner the dark clouds will start to disperse. I used to, after each and every negative thought, imagine three XXX’s crossing it out. then replaced it with an opposite optimistic thought, thanks or a praise.. And after a bit of practicing that, the pain went away..

  • “who has doubts, fears and questions like I do..” I don’t anymore, but I used to.. and I’ve met lots of folks who have also and are also ‘recovering’, many here – http://tentmaker.org/ or here (same site, but forum) – http://tentmaker.org/forum/index.php

    There’s actually good reason why you feel as you do.. and it actually may be (is!) a plus.

  • http://tentmaker.org/forum/index.php – many folks have been through this

  • Mike Hutcheson

    I liked this article, more than most of the other “just peachy” stuff I read that is out there. Found it on a search, and it is similar to what I often think of and constantly struggle with. I truly identify with the line “Too many people have been painted a picture of God that looks more like a jealous boyfriend in a drunken rage” because that really is how it seems sometimes! Just wondering at the same time if it’s not the devil pretending to be God, and that perhaps God is in some way far off, just waiting for us to accumulate the experience to see things more clearly, like how we often stay out of the details in the problems of our children’s lives because we realize that they will eventually understand things for themselves (although I feel certain that good and bad angels are always nearby). Perhaps part of the problem with feeling hated by God is not giving the devil the credit to be able to appear to be God, or mimic Him with some degree of believability (that is, to us “little ones”), therefore not realizing that the feeling of hatred is actually coming from the wicked spirits: There actually is a body of evidence besides the Bible that speaks to this school of thought, namely in the book of Enoch and attributed books like the book of Noah (2 of the worlds oldest books). To paraphrase the passage that proves this is possible and rational, because, sorry, I cannot seem to find it right now, the passage describes “fallen” angels and their offspring to being condemned and punished for pretending to be God, and having displeased God in this way-as in post world wide flood up until now, speaking of which time period, the passage in Enoch 15:9 reads, about the “fallen” angels (some of the Watcher angels) and their offspring (giants and Nephilim):

    “Evil spirits have proceeded from their bodies”

    and goes on to say, in verse 11,

    “And the spirits of the giants afflict, oppress, destroy, attack, do battle, and work destruction on the earth, and cause trouble: they take no food, ⌈but nevertheless hunger⌉ and thirst, and cause offences. And these spirits shall rise up against the children of men and against the women…”

    and verse 16

    “16 From the days of the slaughter and destruction and death of the giants, from the souls of whose flesh the spirits, having gone forth, shall destroy without incurring judgement— thus shall they destroy until the day of the consummation, the great judgement in which the age shall be consummated, over the Watchers and the godless, yea, shall be wholly consummated.”

    I really wish I could provide the other passage that I mentioned earlier, because it would add clarity and depth to this statement, but I hope you get the picture anyway.

    Also, as an afterthought, I would like to point out a reason that some people will not agree as strongly as others about this conclusion on the subject, as broad as it is, but I think that it is of great importance, because to me it speaks more about whether the Devil and his angels are pleased with an individual enough to leave that individual alone rather than whether or not it is a strong case or argument in itself: a more “repentant” or “mature” Christian may be more plagued by wicked spirits than by a person that does not consider God and His teachings because the latter do not pose a threat to their (the demons) established hierarchy based on false teachings and false beliefs.

  • “God is love” and we all are flawed.. otherwise we would not have needed the rescue by Jesus on the cross, yes? ..and in our heart, filling us with His spirit.. which is is love and peace.. I laugh at myself and often call myself a dweeb, whatever that may be :) But I am in good hands for God has promised to carry out all His intent in us.. And in the universe.. (And on the Earth!)

  • Bones

    Dude, I’d love to have a beer with you sometime.

    It’s in people like you I find Christ.

  • the site once in a while doesn’t work.. then it will be back on line… usually works fine.. but it’s been offline twice in the last week! they may have some kinks from switching format a couple of months ago :)

  • Bones

    Yeah I know.

  • Bones


    I have diabetes too.

    But if I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go with a beer.

    My comment about finding Christ in you is that it is in the midst of the battle with the darkness that Christ is seen. It is in the broken that Christ is found.

    I think you’re right with what you say about ptsI.

    I’ve suffered from it too after cleaning up my dad’s suicide.

    It never goes away and is always in the background. Can’t talk to the kids or wife about it.

    It’s part of who I am.

    The rain falls on the good and the bad……..

    We need a church for introverts…..

  • Benthoven

    The irony is that God looks more like us than we do. That’s because we created god. I remember when I was younger, I was a Christian, and I was reading about how God abandoned David. This bothered me. But I remember, clear as day, a thought running through my head: “I never left David, but I used those feelings to teach him. I would never do that to you because it would destroy you.”

    I cried for over an hour after that.

    As a gay man, and a Christian, I never felt abandoned by God. Christians hated me, but I never felt that God did. When life events finally revealed to me that God is a made-up construct, I felt as if I had lost my best friend in the world. In fact, nobody understood my plight more than God did.

    When life events finally revealed to me that God is a made-up construct, I felt as if I had lost my best friend in the world. Who could I turn to now? But then it hit me! The god that I created was amazing. He was loving, he held me accountable, but he was gentle enough to never hurt me. So… as I made my way through life, I kept that god. This god is hilarious, he thinks I’m hilarious, he adores me, and I adore him. And THIS god doesn’t mind that I think of him as my life partner. It’s wonderful.

    All that to say this: if God hates you… consider how you feel about yourself. Our god mirrors our own attitudes toward ourselves and others.

  • Pinkflower

    Judge NOT lest you be judged. What makes you think YOU know what is best for this person? Go away if you are not going to be supportive!
    I grew up with opinionated, judgmental parents exactly like you, and it was pure HELL.

  • Snuff

    I thought I was the only one who did this!!

  • Snuff

    I’m a little late with the response here, but why is it that fundamentalists (for the record, I was one for almost all of my 53 years before I renounced such rubbish) NEVER tell of God’s love without the “angry, jealous, vengeful” disclaimer? Could it be that the Fundy church relies on the disclaimer to keep the faithful under control? Maybe why so many Fundy pastors are strong KJO (King James Only) proponents as the KJV was commissioned to be written in a way to make everyone fear their leaders as they fear God to keep the populace in line? Honest to goodness, those of you who buy into the “angry, jealous, vengeful” tags seem to be a quite angry bunch yourselves who secretly cannot wait until the goats, once separated from the sheep (meaning fundamentalists, of course), get thrown in the eternal fire. C’mon, I know you dig it!

  • Ludlum Mckenzie

    I have had help from this site before, but I have finally come to accept that over the last three years or more, God REALLY does hate me. He has taken from me, he has harmed me, he has hurt those around me, and all because of his hate for me. That does not strike me as ” Godly “. I understand that God hurts me, and even accept it, even though I cant understand it, but I really cant get why God has hurt, damaged and destroyed my family. My wife and son are good people, I mean REALLY good people, in the true sense of the phrase. I still pray to God, but I ONLY pray for my family, in an attempt to find if God has a ” better side “, but for me? Never. God hates me, God made me what I am, so how is that just. In one breath God says he gave us free will, and in the other, we are all part of his plan, so what is it? It is not MY will to be the person I am, I do not even like the person I am, though oddly, people like me. So WHY is it Gods plan that I am who I am. Lots of people have claimed to hate God, am I one?

  • Jack Sprat

    God does hate me, how can he not, my life has been miserable for 50
    years and I have been suicidal at times because I love myself and am
    tired of suffering. I have been abandoned by those I love my entire
    life, father, sister , wives, fiaces, friends, even son does not come
    through but I understand he is busy, however people I have appealed to
    for company and love do not come . My fiance abandoned me last year.
    After my life was threatened , I was attacked twice by this man. I have
    had several attempts made to kill me, my stepfather arranged some of it.
    I have been beat by a police man for no reason and abused by police on
    many occasions. I am white too. So its not discrimination. They are just
    bullies with badges. That is MY experience. I could write a book about
    my experiences with police all my life and only one was pleasant. I was
    bullied all through school as a youth, my wife cheated on me and took
    every cent I had. The things that happened to me in life disabled me, I
    have PTSD to the max, depression, anxiety , and other mental and
    physical ailments. You who have loving wives , I don’t have anyone to
    love me or even talk to. That isnt paid by the state to talk to me. I
    was a bible school grad and have two secular degrees but have been
    chased from place to place with the worst luck in almost every way. Told
    by people who knew me , i was charlie brown, or even Job. There is much
    more, but I don’t want deletion for length. Please tell me why He hates
    me. I have cried so many tears only to be licked off by my dog. My only
    source of love. Im getting old and I say nothing good comes to those
    who wait. And I know Im not one of Gods favorites. I am firmly convinced
    he loves others much more than I. I have nothing to look forward to at
    all. Everything I put my hand to fails miserably. It doesnt matter how
    hard I pray or try. I have tried to love others but they just use me and
    throw me away. I don’t get invited to anything, I sit alone all day
    everyday. I go out, but people don’t want to be friends, women brush me
    off and I’m not ugly. HE DOES NOT CARE and I have begun to hate Him in
    return. He broke His promises to me. People now past post, they see the
    result and say Its my fault for the way I am because I hate him , those
    who victimized me and am bitter. That came as a RESULT not the CAUSE.
    People don’t want negativity, but thats all I have to say. I can fake it
    , make jokes, smile, try for dates, etc. but it always ends the same. I
    get NOTHING I NEED in love and am so lonely I know it will kill me
    eventually. I feel near dead already inside having my heart ripped out
    by another mean woman.

  • Jack Sprat

    yeah it is written in Romans that God had favorites even with Jacob and Esau. Jacob have I loved Esau have I hated. Jacob deceived his father to steal his brothers birthright and God favors him even loves him over Esau. Now thats garbage. What christian father would love a lying cheating son over the good son ? Also in Romans, God has such a need to show how angry he is by creating vessels of dishonor so he can bash them into oblivion. I think I am one of those vessels. And its pretty clear that there is no free will about it. Read it and see what you think. Shall the pot say to the potter , why have you made me thus ? I personally think we have a right to object to unfair treatment and favoritism. Look at David, champion of the faith had a man killed, Uriah the Hittite because he lusted for this mans wife. But hes a great father of faith. Moses killed an Egyptian and hid his body, doesnt sound like he was too proud of himself, and the guy had pushed an old woman to the ground. Does that justify killing the Egyptian ? we are told to love our enemies but at no time did Moses have to repent or be held accountable for this homicide.

  • Aaron

    God does not hate you. Remember what Job suffered, and how it all (finally) ended in exceeding joy. God trusts you, and he is preparing the best woman you will ever meet to come and find you, and who knows what else? You will be treated to the max by God, continue your life in prayer and supplication until that happens! God bless!
    If you need more help message me at @GoldenEspada on Twitter.

  • Alice

    I know that God hates me so much he has allowed my family to go through hell on earth we went to washington state to get help no one helped us we were sleeping on the streets for one night my wife is prego and how can a nativity house who helps the homeless turn away a prego woman we are lucky that the baby is still with us since it was a cold night we only had four hours of sleep then I had to come home and live with my mother ugh now that is living in true hell I feel like there is no light at the end of my tunnel I am on ssdi I am also in one of the most racists cities in augusta ks where the klan lives my wife is a beautiful black woman and I feel like that God has pretty have peed on me and my wife and called it rain I feel the trip to washington state was to strengthen our marriage but ever since we’ve been back I’ve had to deal with my mom who is a feminist and a trump support I am a democrat I believe if we my family wife and I do not recive help soon I will commit suicide how can I live in a world where I am not able to get any help for my mental illness when I was in washington cannabis actually helped the voices stay quiet for one week I was at peace I have tried prayer I have tried praying in tongues yes pentecostal here yet it feels like when I am SHOUTING TO GOD HE IGNORES ME When I used to be able to talk to him about everything I feel like I am being bashed by other christians because I question GOD I am to the point If we my wife and I don’t get help in another state I will go to vermont and request die with dignity with out my daughter having her father to look forward to I am to that point the voices are to much thats why I want to move to illinois to get cannabis treatment under dr care but no one will help my family since I am on disability

  • Hi! Actually the site was just down.. Which happens every once in a while, I’m not sure why.

  • Er – um – Job never existed. The Bibile was written using metaphors and allegories. Others have twisted it to their own benefit (which allows for exertion of control of people). LOA is no better in that it does not teach that there are other laws that one must adhere to or suffer. There is a combination of laws that I am struggling to understand as of now. I think these individuals (clergymen, etc.) know how the laws REALLY work and use it to their advantage to make their lives good. For everyone else, they combine all the laws – interpret them in a half-%%% manner and call it “god” for the masses – which causes much confusion and disillusion.

  • Weedygirl

    My problem is a little different. I suffered much tragedy and trauma throughout my childhood from mother, siblings, lots of kids at school and even bullying at church. I had an adult hood filled with traumas, tragedies, pain and misery. Diagnosed with depression at 13, the mental issues have worsened over the years. I believed in God when I first heard of him from my overly-religious (as opposed to overly Godly) parents and first accepted him at about 7. I remember praying at Primary School, maybe 7 or 8 years old and an awful lot since then.

    Despite many years praying often, I rarely had a prayer answered, but praised God sincerely for every tiny crumb. Until I heard a story about coincidence. Wait … what? there’s coincidence in life? Then it dawned on me. All I had ever gotten was coincidence, that every non-praying person gets anyway. I realised too that I was still praying today for most of the things I had started praying for in my childhood and teens. I am 56. Ain’t never gonna get them. I stopped praying about 8 years ago. Do I get less now than when I was praying? No. Do my prayers for others get answered? No. Do I take longer to recover from illnesses? No. Nothing ever changed. God was supposed to change me or help me change. Nothing. And nothing changed when I stopped praising God and started cursing him.

    I have had one single blessing in life. My son, who it is sort of hard to imagine as a blessing sometimes. But no friends, no love (and if God is love, then where is this love?), no job, no home (though my Dad left me half a house – can’t even have what is rightfully mine), no money (been robbed a heap of times – friends and unknown intruders), lots of misunderstandings. I am crushed – all but physically.

    I have known a lifetime of bad, but nothing good, except the jokes my son and I make so we don’t go completely insane or suicidal. I have wished I was not born since 6 years old and never once been glad to be alive. Life is not something that is able to be enjoyed. It is and always has been something to avoid.

    I believe not only that God hates me and my son feels God hates us too, but I also believe God to be evil. Favouritism of offspring is a sin. God blesses some with so much and then takes everything some have strived their painful lives to obtain. I have even had wonderful prophesies spoken of me – none to come to fruition.

    Oh and I have plenty of fear of God – to tell the truth, I am petrified of him. Waiting for what evil he will allow next just keeps me down. And Satan can lie about God to me, but he cannot lie about what God has not done. Because God was the one who did not do it.

    I am so sick of pain, bewilderment, misunderstanding, confusion, tragedy, trauma, misery and it all. I just want something nice to happen for once. See it doesn’t have to be all that good, just nice. I think maybe when God created me he left out the ability to enjoy life or feel good.

  • Weedygirl

    @ Free 2 Think. I cannot help you here in Australia, but I worry about you. Are you OK? I would have asked earlier, but I just saw this site an hour ago.

  • Have Mercy

    Ever since I was born, I’ve been suffering. I was molested as a little child repeatedly, which later led me to develop many mental illnesses; schizophrenia and anxiety in my 20’s. My anxiety is so bad it keeps me from holding down a good job. In my teenage years me and my mom never got along so I ended up going to a lot of different shelters. In my 20’s just been in and out of the mental hospital. I haven’t graduated College and I don’t have any money. I feel like God hates me and is causing all my trouble. I don’t even have my own apartment anymore, I lost that. Now I’m in the hospital with no place to go. I lost the presence of God, can’t praise God anymore. I don’t even want to serve God anymore. But it’s almost as if I can’t give up like he won’t let me go. I just want nothing to do with God if he’s going to let me suffer like this. If he hates me then I’d rather not know him. I lost all my friends. I feel like Job, he lost his wealth, health, family and friends. The only difference between me and Job is that what happened to Job happened at just one point in his life. What’s happened to me has happened over a long period of time. Everything God has given to me, he’s taken back. Right now I am 29 years old and I don’t believe things are going to get better. They will keep getting worse, sadly.

  • Bones

    I feel your pain my friend. There are times when a darkness comes over your life and you can’t see the light and you sound like you’ve always got the rough end of the stick.

    There’s nothing much that I can say but keep going. Thats what i did. If there is a God he’s not against you.

    Dear God, give this person a good friend and some mercy and hope. Let them know they are loved..

  • Chris Misvader

    Look, firstly, we are one of the 4 species of apes. There is nothing special about us other than we evolved the mental capacity to reason and communicate in complex ways. Secondly, contrary to the raw evolutive process as it sounds, it appears that we do have an individual soul that has been present since the beginning of time, we reincarnate into progressively more complex states of being. Thirdly, it does seem to be true that there is a creative force involved in this whole process. It is rather an impersonal force, a kind of neutral what goes around comes around karmic law, so don’t expect too much by way of direct answers to prayers. It seems this force is highly intelligent, it knows exactly what we need, and gives barely that. Apparently we only do our real learning through hardships, so if your life has been hard, then it is likely you chose it to be that way so that you could gain optimum experience from this particular lifetime. There are many paths through this, don’t think there is just one way and that all the others are wrong. The universe is not that petty. Don’t get lost in the delusions spread by the age of Pisces. Rest assured that there is a meaning and purpose to life, hang in there, try and understand that we choose our lives.

  • Herm

    Thank you for that Chris!

    Dr. Corey has hung in there for over three years since he wrote this article. I have been here for about two years now. I have watched Ben grow through lots of adversity and joy.

    I can honestly assure you that Ben is not lost in delusion but alive and well in God as a little child and in Man as a responsible learned adult.

    It was a very caring and astute comment you just wrote. Love you!

  • Marie Halligan

    I feel for you,you have had it very rough. Some people do seem to have a much harder life than others,especially when they are born to people who seem unable to love,or unable to properly act in loving ways. I hope and pray that life has improved for you in the 3 months since you posted this? I can’t do much more than pray for you and let you know that there are people in the world who feel for you and pray for you and wish you all the very best! May God bless and keep you,please don’t give in to the temptation to beleive God hates you- remember,He is the only being ever worshipped as a deity by humanity who,instead of just demanding we sacrificed to Him, actually loves us so much, HE sacrificed HIMSELF for US! Try and hold on to this-I find it helps me!

  • Tammy Storrs

    God is love and it is impossible for him to lie. Don’t blame God for your own ignorance. My mother died when I was six months old, I got hep c at the age of 16, I was abused by a doctor and I could never have kids. I never married and I like any woman desired all those things. I wore Envy and I hated that, but one thing I know for sure God is real, He is alive, and he loves mankind. I am not a primal ape I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves me I may not like what life hands me, but I don’t blame God. Just like a loving father he has picked me up every time life beats me down and let’s me know no matter what life has in store he is always for me.

  • Aby Antony

    i dont mean to offend anyone….but how do u know God? Have you felt him?.I want to get my life right.But I think God is never the being that we came to know through the holy books.I think he is neutral.Think of all the people who are suffering.they pray too.They are not being helped.

  • Matthew

    The problem of human suffering is certainly an obstacle when one is considering belief in what Christianity calls a God of love. Have you investigated how Christianity attempts to deal with this issue?

  • Blessen George


  • Mike Littlefield

    I was introduced to Christ in the 1970s, when the Jesus People were making their rounds. Being intellectually curious, I sought to find out more about Him, and found fundamentalism as a means of studying the Bible. After all, if any part of the Bible can’t be taken in the literal sense, how do we know the story of Jesus is real? I even earned a doctorate in theology from a fundamental seminary. To accept everything in the Bible as literal requires discarding a large body of scientific knowledge, which I did. As I continued my studies, I discovered a god who is mean, capricious, arbitrary and just plain nasty. Worse, I discovered a jesus who in most ways mirrored his father. I struggle too, and my quest is to find that same Jesus I found in the 1970s – the hippie freak who I wouldn’t mind kicking it with. I still study the Bible, but with the realization that it, like all great literary works, uses tools like irony, hyperbole and allegory to make its point; and that anecdotes which were appropriate to people of the Iron Age need to be properly cast into the society of the 21st century.

  • Rachel Nichols

    Humans “became” apes because a group of prominent scientists voted to reclassify homo sapiens as such. Scientists also voted to reclassify Pluto as an asteroid rather than a planet, yet it remains the same size and continues to orbit the same way as before. Even so, human nature remains unchanged, despite scientists’ overwhelming desire to go simian.

  • Rachel Nichols

    That’s awful.

    I wish I could offer sage advice, but when I read your story all I can do is cry. And pray for you.

  • Pat

    When you read the Psalms, you notice that humanity has always had the same complaints, yet the underlying message is that God’s help comes in the form of faith! Suffering is a part of life; even Jesus suffered. But keeping the faith that God knows exactly what He is doing with your life and trusting Him we are guaranteed victory. When you actively pursue a relationship with Him then He will manifest Himself into your life.

  • jeff_s66111

    You want friends? Then why are you seeking God? He’s no friend. Friends don’t treat friends the way He does or stand and watch disasters occur when He has the unlimited absolute ability to prevent them. He shirks His responsibility by saying He is “Love” and only created “good”. Sorry, but if you created EVERYTHING, that means everything without exception. So He is responsible for all the suffering. And He created us KNOWING we would suffer immeasurably. How sadistic is that?

  • jeff_s66111

    If God is “love”, can He love me a little less? His “love” is killing me.

  • jeff_s66111

    Yeah, not much more you can do since God just ignores our suffering.

  • jeff_s66111

    Job PROVES He hates us. Job only suffered because God ALLOWED it for no acceptable reason other than He could.

  • Rachel Nichols

    Uh, Paul’s life was pretty rough. He may have been married, but if so his wife died or left him when he converted. No children, unless you count Timothy, the kid he mentored. Lots of people hated him. He barely had enough to live on. In Corinth he did manual labor by day cause the church wouldn’t support him. He wrote a third of the New Testament but his royalties were zero. Religious fanatics kept trying to kill him–once he was stoned and apparently came back to life miraculously. Was in prison a lot! And he kept getting caned and whipped by Jews and Romans. In the end, history records, Nero had Paul’s head cut off because he wouldn’t honor Nero as a god. And don’t forget that “thorn in the flesh.”

    Would you count the Apostle Paul as one of God’s favorites considering the rotten stuff that happened to him? Just because we suffer doesn’t mean we’re doing something wrong. Just cause you’re sitting on an ash heap and worthless “comforters” mock you does not mean God hates you! Your story isn’t over. In earth or in Heaven you will have a happy ending if you hold fast to God.

  • Desiree Clarins

    I hear you Jeff. It seems sadistic to me as well. However, my gut is nagging at me that God really is good. At the same time, it feels cruel. I simply fail to understand God. I also fail to understand satan. I honestly don’t “get” either of them. I have a longer explanation posted above your comment.

  • Chris Misvader

    Love you for saying that!

  • Clayton Gafne Jaymes

    If it truly is your understanding that you keep telling yourself that God hates you, then I would ask you why you think that is the case? And what part in Scripture are you leaning on to make such a statement about how God is looking at you personally?

    The simple truth of the matter is that most ppl telling themselves that God hates them are making a false statement and ultimately are lying not only to themselves but even to others.

  • disqus_znTohz52QD

    My life is the same as Have Mercy, and I am now 55, and things are getting every years worse. True, God is love, but only for those he chose to love, and me also I’m not one of his special people that God has hand picked…

    It is written:

    “For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth;
    It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger.
    As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.
    What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.”
    (Romans 9:11-14)

    God made me like an Esau to hate, and I don’t even have the right to complain! I don’t understand how other Christian people can sing songs like “What a friend we have in Jesus”. But these happy people from what they call their “churches” instead of helping me, only put me sticks in the wheels…

    That is how we see things from earth. It is written:

    “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” (1Cor 15:19)

    Now after that, what if all the true Christians that had kept their faith while suffering the most during all their life on earth will be rewarded and given the highest places in the eternal life to come?

    When we compare the time of our earthly live to eternity, – eternity has no end, but let’s suppose it lasts only one billion of years – then our lives here on earth don’t even last one microsecond! And people still complain for that microsecond, because they don’t look at these billions of billions of years…

    Finally, when I see that all these Christian people that lack of nothing are unable to help their brothers and sisters in Christ that suffer, while I still have a heart that is willing to help if only I had the opportunity to do it, I understand that it serves as nothing to obtain all what you pray for, be money, houses, position, friends, or health, if your heart remain insensitive and unable to love and care.

    I then understand that in fact it is people like me that are loved by God, not the others…

  • milfordbeach

    I have thought the same thing. I need a break from this “love.” I think Job felt the same way.

  • cindy

    Amanda, you have perfectly described the way I feel to the letter. I don’t know what will come of people like me, who loves the Lord but can’t stop sinning and can’t get a boost of faith from God. At this point my life has been a broken record, literally. I can’t see anything changing anymore. I don’t feel the Lord hears me. And yet I’m scared or don’t know how to let go. Hell is a hot and terrifying place and I could never be ready to accept it willingly. I don’t want to imagine what it feels like to be literally absent from God.

  • Dirty

    I struggle with thinking God hates me constantly. I keep struggling with certain sinful thoughts though even though I pray almost daily that God will make my heart right or reprogram my brain and just erase these thoughts from my mind. I seem to fall back in the same pattern. I feel like God is sitting there like oh here we go again he’s asking for forgiveness for the same thing again. God has every right to hate me because it seems like I can’t break the struggle. I know we are supposed to lean on God for help but it doesn’t feel like the help is coming. I’ve gotten on my knees time and time again but I keep feeling like God’s not going to forgive me and that he does hate me. I feel like God’s going to let something majorly bad happen to me or kill me. I am ashamed of myself and that I’m continuing to struggle. If I’m not in the Book of Life or my name has been erased out there’s no real purpose to my life or existence. I feel like it has and that it would be justified because of my sin. If Jesus says to me I never knew you then there was no reason or purpose.

  • Zed Dew

    I totally get where you’re coming from. I’d have a beer with you any day.

  • Marie Halligan

    I have never heard that and I don’t remember any Bible verses that say that; could you let me know which one/s do? It isn’t God who makes us suffer- the Orthodox have a way of explaining suffering that makes great sense to me. They believe that all the sin we humans commit forms a sort of spiritual pollution, which causes all suffering. Thus,it isn’t God that causes suffering but the human race,because all humans over the age of 7 sin,it’s just the degree and severity of our sins that differs. By the same token, the prayers, fasting and Acts of Mercy of the Faithful helps cleanse,or counteract this spiritual pollution.In Roman Catholicism,if the Faithful who are suffering offer it up to Jesus on the cross,in a mysterious, supernatural way it helps pay the price for all the sins of the world because it joins the suffering to His, which would also have the effect of lessening the suffering of others.I am not a theologian so I am really explaining it as I understand it. I don’t like talking about it but I have had a lot of mental suffering in my life and a fair bit of physical suffering as well.I used to think God was punishing me but I don’t anymore even though my family and I are still having a hard time. I find when I am really low or frightened,if I offer up my pain and fear to Jesus on the cross,I feel a bit better and a bit more able to deal with it- that’s how I experience it anyway.Suffering in my denomination has great redemptive value as well and we believe if we work with it and offer it up,it can help reduce not only our time in Purgatory if that’s where we go,but the time of the souls already there.All souls who go to Purgatory are already saved,they are just being cleansed of all residue of lesser,venial sin and it is a one of the Acts of Corporeal Mercy to pray for them AND offer one’s Earthly suffering to Jesus for them, to speed up their progress into Heaven.
    That’s my denomination though- I have also made up a little prayer for when I am feeling really bad which I have found really powerful for myself-it may help you?
    “Oh my Jesus,I know you love me but I am struggling,
    Please let me feel the fullness of your love,
    Suffuse my entire being with it,
    Wrap me in your love like a soft, warm blanket,
    That I may have the grace and strength I need to do your Holy Will. Amen.
    I will pray for you anyway DeVry,but please don’t think God hates you! Sure why would He when there are so many other people in the world doing really evil things and denying Him and even hating Him? He doesn’t wipe those really evil people out, even though He could and He hates what they do because He LOVES them,so,as I am sure you are no John Venables or George Soros,and He doesn’t hate them why would He hate you? He wants to give every single one of us as much chance as possible to turn to Him and love Him so we can enter Heaven! God bless and keep you anyway and please try and keep your heart up and bring your burdens to Our Lord because He told us if we do this, He will give us rest. Please trust Him!

  • Marie Halligan

    But Christ not only never promised us an easy time of it here on Earth,He told us quite clearly that following Him was going to be so hard it would push us to and even beyond our limits!” Take up your cross and follow me!”I think were His words.God doesn’t tell us praying will give us a nice life here on Earth, but that it will help us have a far more than nice Eternity, and Eternity of sheer bliss with Him in Heaven.I am sorry you have had such a difficult life; I am 57 and I too have had far more suffering than happiness in life but whats 80 odd years that we get in this world compared with Forever? I hope you will start to pray again and I am in no way trying to trivialise your pain,but join your pain to Jesus’s and it can help bring you to everlasting happiness in Heaven.God bless and keep you!

  • Marie Halligan

    I would advise anyone in this position of thinking God hates them to focus on the Gospels and leave the OT alone for a while, at least until they have more fortitude and understanding which are 2 of the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit.If it weren’t for Jesus, I doubt if I would follow any Abrahamic religion because the Yahweh of the OT always came across as a big,angry Victorian dad in the sky to me,I didn’t really like Him because I found Him too scary! However, God is a Trinity,3 persons in 1 and we meet Him in person in the form of Jesus Christ, who is both fully God and fully human and not scary or angry at all,only full of love.The only thing that made Jesus angry were hypocrisy, turning places of worship into shops to make money out of it and people who hurt children,child abusers and we ALL get angry about child abusers don’t we? He is gentle but in no way weak.He never promised us this life would be a tiptoe through the tulips,quite the opposite as He tells us the world will hate us for His sake because the World hates Him and that we will have to carry our crosses.He DOES promise that those who love and follow Him carrying their crosses WILL be happy FOREVER in Heaven with God.If it comes down to it, I’ll have a crap life here on Earth and Eternal happiness in Heaven any day.Having a great life now and not getting to Heaven would be like a child being given a HUGE bags of sweeties and then NEVER fed again and he/she died of starvation. It’s short term pain for long term gain and when I remind myself of this I find it gives me the strength and optimism to carry on and my life has been quite crap overall!The question I contemplate these days is not ” Why is there evil and suffering?” but” Why is there goodness and love anywhere in the world,in anybody at all?” Answer- God gives it to us to stop us from annihilating each other altogether! I am grateful for that at least! God bless!

  • dragon7a

    Both Job and Jerimiah cursed the day they were born same as wishing they had never lived. I understand.

  • dragon7a

    its called Dysthymia and comes from abuse. you have a son who loves you children are a gift of
    God’s some of us don’t have. I realize that life is not Disney or what the world says about God or anything else; we are living in a made up world and going by traditions and society norms we did not create. Gods ways are not our ways; his thoughts not our thoughts.. also Hate is not the opposite of love its indifference. God is never indifferent.

  • dragon7a

    yes those are his words

  • dragon7a

    hating God is in response to Loving him.. What we care about; we feel about; otherwise its indifference. So you are not wrong to hate;you are reacting like God’s child; like when we are 2 and we yell I hate you to our parents. I too have no special relationship or family nor hope for one due to age. In the Bible Jerimiah was this way. The promise is not happiness here on earth but an eternal home in heaven where we are loved. May God give you a vision of this for peace and joy.

  • dragon7a

    go to Barnabas Ministries under church hurt

  • Rachel Nichols

    Maybe God hates me. His people sure do. Weirdly they don’t reject me for sin, but rather social failures. Failure to marry and have kids mostly. Keep mocking me–or if I’m lucky pretending I’m invisible. Then lecture me on bitterness.

    Hey, I guess I’m bitter because I’m predestined for Hell. To old for kids now. I can not pray anymore since God just sits up there laughing at my sobs.

    If I were a member of the elect I would be a Have. A healthy beautiful rich matron with 4 kids and a CEO husband in a MacMansion .All that and Heaven too.

    Forget the crappy, abusive churches. Gonna wind up in Hell no matter what anyhow!

  • Pat

    The devil has a way of giving people what they want, so they won’t turn to God. It’s a trap.

  • Jango Soprano

    I know how you feel. You go to church for them to help with your struggles, and all they do is mock you and beat you down.

  • Jango Soprano

    I KNOW its a trap. My question is: Why does he turn his back on me when I am falling at his knees and begging for help?

  • John V

    I am a recovering pastor myself. I have not given up on God, but I have given up on the modern, evangelical traditional church with all its politics and its trappings. I now preach in a nursing home on Sunday afternoons. yes, it is traditional, but the good parts of the traditional. I am not bound by a denomination or a board of directors, just the Word of God. I am not rich, but I am not impoverished, although I have been there. I think there are a lot of people in church that will not make it to heaven, and many who do not go will be there. I enjoy the freedom of not belonging to any group or person other than Jesus Christ himself.

  • anonymous

    I’m writing because deep down i do not like myself and I don’t think God cares or loves me. I’m a Christian, I believe that Jesus died on rosed on the 3rd day and Jesus wants what’s best for me. But God has His favorites and I’m not one of them. I trying to lean on truth, not my feelings. But it is so deep rooted, so it’s hard to shake. To top it all off, God is all I have. If I don’t have Him, (which deep down He was my last hope) I don’t have anything. I trying to think differently, but when negative things come up that are least expected, I handle it without getting upset. Then something right after happens, I handle it; still being victorious. More problems happened again right after, I try to handle it, but then I snap because I can only take so much. I sometimes think it’s a setup for me to fail.