House Republicans Tell Jesus “Go #—! Yourself!” and Then Rewrite the Beatitudes

House Republicans Tell Jesus “Go #—! Yourself!” and Then Rewrite the Beatitudes October 6, 2013


Republican Congressional Family Values Committee Preparing to Rewrite the Beatitudes 


Blessed are the Koch brothers,
for theirs is the kingdom of Parke Avenue.

Blessed are the job-creators,
for they will be paid even more.
Blessed are grandstanding Cuban-Canadian human puff adder carpetbaggers,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for a whites-only White House,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are white southern gun owners,
for only they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in greed,
for they will see the poor stripped of medical care.
Blessed are the fact-free Fox News faithful,
for they will be called children of Ayn Rand.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of the God-hating liberals who say global warming is real,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (which will have to do because we trashed– um, dominated — the earth).
Blessed are you when poor people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because you won’ t pay taxes. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in your gated community, for in the same way they persecuted the other rich bigots who were busy lynching black men before you when America was really free…

Read my new book And God Said, “Billy!” NOW # 1 in the Amazon Political Humor category, for a thorough exploration of right wing religious delusion… and just why Congress is nuts.

Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of And God Said, “Billy!” on Kindle and NOOK for $3.99 and in paperback.



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