Let’s combine the news that The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven is a hoax with Franklin Graham saying gays can’t go to heaven and the evangelical theology of damnation– and see where it leads…
“The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven,” written by Alex Malarkey and his father, Kevin Malarkey, a Christian therapist in Ohio is a hoax. But the Rev. Franklin Graham says Heaven is real anyway and gays can’t go.
In remarks broadcast Easter Sunday 2014, on ABC’s “This Week,” Graham compared gays to people living in adultery, but added that he’s a sinner too and that God forgives people who repent and turn from their sins. He also said that Vladimir Putin did “what’s right for Russia” by signing a law banning gay propaganda to young people. Graham added, “We used to have a president in this country that did what’s right for this country, but we don’t seem to have that right now.” The son of evangelist Billy Graham said his ailing 95-year-old father is doing “a little better” lately and “his mind is still sharp.”
So let’s rework the evangelical publisher’s jacket copy for The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven to reflect the current Graham/Jesus/Bible/Christian Publishing/Vladimir Putin/Billy Graham-still-sharp, theology on Heaven.
The book may be all made up, but what if it’s inerrant and inspired by God anyway… just like the Bible?
Since, according to the editors of Christianity Today magazine, God can speak through us sinners, who’s to say the book wasn’t true anyway? Peter denied Christ and still got to be St. Peter… so why not Alex Malarkey denies the book but even though he meant it as a lie it’s still true?
In that case… Here’s my new suggested jacket copy for the book… as slightly re-edited and re-published… to both accommodate Franklin Grahams’ preoccupation with gay sex, the Bible and evangelicals who NEED proof Heaven is real, no matter what, as real as the Creation Museum, say…
Who do you know who has been to the next world? No gays, that’s for sure! Sure, you may have heard stories of white light and tunnels and near-death experiences during gay sex. But what if there was a gay person who had been to Heaven—who had actually walked through the gates—and stayed long enough to learn about the things of God? Would you be interested in what he had to say even if he or she was gay? Meet Alex Malarkey. Alex and his dad, Kevin, were in a car accident so horrific that emergency workers recommended calling the coroner to the scene for Alex because they couldn’t tell if he was gay or straight, part of the gay agenda to take over the world or repentant. For the next two months, Alex lingered in a coma and didn’t even know what gender he was let alone if he’d repented. When he finally awoke, he revealed something amazing: He had spent time in Heaven with Jesus while unconscious and had come back with astonishing revelations about what he had seen, heard, and experienced. The BIG NEWS WAS THAT THERE WERE NO WHITE STRAIGHT EVANGELICALS IN HEAVEN! You may be intrigued. You may be skeptical. You may be hungry to know more about what lies beyond life on earth. Join Alex on his journey . . . and your life may be changed forever. It turns out that everyone in Heaven is Transgender! Contrary to the Mormon view of heaven it doesn’t seem that people in heaven will be either male or female. Jesus was asked a question about heaven by the Sadducees. They asked whose wife a woman married many times would be in heaven. Jesus answered: “For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” In other words, there will be no marriage or sexual differences among those in heaven. We will all be married to Jesus! If you are not currently a follower of Jesus Christ, you cannot understand what this will be like, and it will probably not have any appeal for you. However, if you have experienced the “highs” of following Jesus as He leads you, you will have a glimpse of how awesome this experience will be. Sex with God is great! Not only will we be changed, but Paul says that we cannot even imagine the kinds of things God has prepared for us… turns out we are all going to be gay–for eternity!