Who’s Your Savior?

SAVIOR COMPLEX

We all want a savior. Someone has to take the throne—it’s written into our DNA.

My father once observed something profound about the adolescent girl/boy cycle. She meets the most wonderful guy in the whole wide world, and he’s the dream who’s going to rescue her from a dull and dreary life! Then, when she realizes he’s not that (for whatever reason), suddenly he’s a complete jerk! He’s not just wrong for her—he’s a loser! If he won’t sweep her off her feet, he’s useless.

Girls do this for one reason: they want a savior. As long as that guy has the potential to save her, he’s wonderful. [Flaws don’t matter because she plans to fix those! The question is whether he can make her feel valuable and so redeem her.] Once he reveals he cannot save her, she’s done with him.

Here’s the devastating truth… this does not stop with teenagers: Women bring this into marriage. The sad result of the fall and the fabric of the culture leads women to look for a savior in their man. (This includes Christian women.)

“Greg was my knight in shining armor,” Lynn confided to me, “and when the cracks started to show, I did everything I could to fix him so he could be my knight again. It had nothing to do with him—it was my own fantasy! He could not possibly be my savior, but I loathed him for it.” Sisters, let that thought soak in. We set him up as Savior, then when he starts to slip we prop him up, then when he ultimately falls short [as any human will], we are devastated. No wonder men can never measure up, though we spend our marriage trying to get them to.

But there’s another half to this equation: Men grow up expecting to be a Savior. Think about it. He’s the star of every action adventure he sees! He’s the knight who wins the fair lady. He must save the day. Indiana Jones, Hollywood light and magic, and imagination make being a hero look easy… or at least possible. The good guy always wins in the end. But things don’t work out like that in real life.

…to be continued